u/Spirited-Ruin-8724

God willing, I'll be a year sober on the 29th of May. I've been antsy as hell and turning to a lot of other things that are not reflecting emotional sobriety and it's driving me up the wall. I haven't touched a drink or any drugs, just sex and nicotine (I'm trying to quit for a surgery), but my emotional sobriety is something I really value and I hate that I'm fucking this shit up. I'm not too itchy for a drink, but I know I'm acting out a lot and it's causing a lot of shame and self hatred to come up and I just don't know what to do.

I (22FtM) can't do this anymore. I don't know if how I'm living is just normal 22 year old stuff or addiction, but I do know I use love and sex to avoid my feelings of abandonment and cover up all the pain I feel. I've joined a few of the WhatsApp groups but I don't know how meetings work for SLAA or getting a sponsor. I work AA and ACA so I'm familiar with the 12 steps, but SLAA seems like a whole different ball game and I need help. What do I do?

Trying to quit once again. The best I’ve made it before was 8 days with the patch and gum, currently almost 4 days cold turkey. I feel like each time I’ve quit I’ve had different symptoms of withdrawal. This time I’m pissed at literally everything all the time. I fucking hate it. I’m in fucking hell. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, working out, doing tasks, keeping myself as busy as I can and it’s still just hell. I’m pissed that everyone says the first 3 days are the worst but it always gets worse for me on days 4 and 5. I can make it to 72 hours just fine, but it gets to be after that and I’m in hell. Fucking bullshit. I hate this shit.

Today I’m 11 months sober. I’m the best I’ve ever been in my life. Things aren’t perfect because they never will be. There’s still things I need to work on. But I can find a lot of peace and gratitude today and that means so much more to me. I’ve realized how much better life is when I’m not struggling. I don’t have to be perfect, just teachable. I didn’t know life could actually feel manageable. I’m so grateful for this program for what it’s done for me.