u/Spirited-Tax-5052

Why though? Where did all the random drama, stories, and gossip go? It feels unusually quiet these days.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

Before COVID, I was a completely different person. From 4th standard onwards, I attended a civil service academy for around 3 years. I was really good at studies back then and had some pretty big dreams. I used to write “IAS” after my name in my notebooks and genuinely believed I was going to become one someday.

I was also really into quizzes. I used to win almost every quiz I participated in and eventually made it to district and state-level competitions. There was even a time when people would actually be scared when they saw me coming for a quiz. 😭

And the thing is, I wasn’t just dreaming about it. I actually worked for it. I used to spend Sundays studying and preparing while other kids were out enjoying their weekends.

Then COVID came and everything just went downhill.

The lockdown completely messed up my routine. I got addicted to social media, lost my discipline, stopped studying properly, and slowly lost the curiosity and competitiveness I had.

I feel like a lot of us probably went through something similar after COVID. Maybe not in exactly the same way, but I think many of us lost a part of ourselves during those lockdown years. We got used to being at home, scrolling endlessly, putting things off, and somehow those habits stayed even after everything went back to normal.

Years passed, and I kind of just went along with it.

Yesterday, something happened that really made me think about all of this.

I met one of the faculty members from that civil service academy after almost 7 years. He recognized me and asked me:

“Ippo entha padikkunne?”

I said, “BBA.”

Then he asked:

“IIM-il aano?” 😭

That question genuinely hit me.

Not because there’s anything wrong with doing BBA or studying at an average college. But because I suddenly remembered the person he probably thought I would become.

And I remembered the person I thought I would become.

The kid who used to write IAS after his name. The kid who would study on Sundays. The kid who used to walk into quiz competitions expecting to win. The kid who was genuinely hungry to learn things.

And now I’m here, doing BBA at a mid-level institute, wondering where the hell all of that went.

I know some people might say, “Bro, everyone has crazy dreams as a kid.” And yeah, maybe. But I genuinely worked for mine. That’s what makes it hurt a little more.

Even my dad still tells me:

“You have that ability in you. It’s your choice whether you bring it out or not.”

And honestly, I don't know how to bring it out anymore.

I don't even necessarily want to become the exact person I imagined when I was 10. Maybe my path is completely different now.

I just want that beast back.

That discipline. That curiosity. That competitiveness. That feeling of wanting to be really good at something and actually putting in the work for it.

I want to make my parents proud.

But more than that, I want to look at myself again and feel like, yeah, this is the person I know I can be.

So for people who have gone through something similar:

How do you actually get that version of yourself back?

How do you rebuild that discipline after years of wasting time? How do you get that hunger back? How do you actually unleash that beast in you instead of just thinking about what you could become?

I genuinely want to make a comeback

TL;DR: I was a highly motivated, competitive kid before COVID, doing civil service prep and winning quizzes at district/state levels. Lockdown got me addicted to social media and I lost my discipline, ambition, and confidence. Yesterday, meeting my old faculty after 7 years and hearing him ask if I was studying at IIM made me realize how far I’ve drifted from the person I used to be. I know the potential is still somewhere inside me, but I don’t know how to bring it back. How do you rebuild that discipline and unleash that version of yourself again?