u/Spiritual-Regret2174

I’ve always had a tendency to go beyond what’s expected of me—and sometimes take on more than I actually need to. If I’m being honest, I think this is something I learned growing up. At a very young age, I came to associate doing well—especially in school—with getting some of my emotional needs met. I learned that if I produced impressive results, I felt seen, valued, and accepted.

And I want to be clear: I don’t blame my parents for that. I think they were simply doing what they knew and believed would help me become better.

But now that I’m an adult, I’m starting to realize that overachieving isn’t always necessary. I don’t always have to do more. I don’t always have to perform. I don’t have to constantly prove myself just to be loved, accepted, or feel worthy.

The difficult part is that knowing this intellectually doesn’t automatically change the pattern. I still fall into the same trap. I still find myself doing more than necessary, pushing harder than I need to, and feeling uncomfortable when I’m not achieving something.

And this is something I’m trying to unlearn—but honestly, I’m not really sure how...

I'm curious to know what you've learned or gained since you joined Toastmasters. And how did those lessons affect your life?

I've been reflecting on the leadership advice I've received throughout my career, and I've noticed that some of the most popular pieces of advice sound great in theory but become much more complicated in practice.

For example, "Always lead by example" is generally good advice, but I've learned that if leaders constantly jump in to do everything themselves, they can unintentionally create dependency instead of developing their team.

Another one is "Treat everyone the same." While fairness is important, I've found that different team members often need different levels of support, coaching, and communication to succeed.

I'm curious about your experiences.

What leadership advice sounds good on paper but doesn't always work in real life?

• Why didn't it work?
• Was there a situation where the advice backfired?
• How would you reframe that advice based on what you've learned?

Looking forward to hearing perspectives from leaders, managers, and individual contributors alike. Sometimes the most valuable lessons come from discovering the gap between theory and reality.

Hi everyone!

I'm planning my first trip to Hanoi during the last week of November and would love to get advice from people who know the city well or have recently visited.

My boyfriend and I will be spending 7 full days in Hanoi (plus travel days) and want to experience the city beyond just checking off tourist attractions.

A few things I'd love recommendations on:

Accommodation

• Best areas to stay for first-time visitors
• Hotels, serviced apartments, or boutique stays you would recommend
• Areas to avoid

Things to Do

• Must-see attractions
• Hidden gems or local experiences
• Cultural experiences worth doing
• Cafés, bookstores, parks, neighborhoods, or unique spots locals love

Food

• Must-try Hanoi dishes
• Favorite restaurants, street food spots, or local eateries
• Foods or places that tourists often miss

Nightlife

• Bars, live music venues, night markets, rooftop bars, or areas that come alive after dark
• Is Hanoi's nightlife worth exploring compared to other cities in Vietnam?

What to Wear

• What is the weather typically like in late November?
• Any clothing recommendations for comfort and practicality?
• Anything I should avoid wearing culturally or weather-wise?

Things to Watch Out For

• Common tourist mistakes
• Scams or situations I should be aware of
• Transportation tips
• Anything you wish you knew before visiting Hanoi

Day Trips

I'm considering:

• Ninh Binh (day trip)
• Halong Bay (day trip or overnight cruise)

Would you recommend doing both? Is an overnight Halong Bay cruise significantly better than a day trip?

A little about our travel style:

• Traveling as a couple
• Enjoy walking around cities
• Love food, coffee, culture, and photography
• Not huge party people, but we enjoy good nightlife and unique experiences
• Happy to spend on experiences that are worth it

If you had 7 days in Hanoi, how would you spend them?

Thanks in advance for any advice!