Words of advice needed. His rebound is pregnant. After 1 month.
Post includes talk of substance use
I left my partner of 8 years. He was hiding a crack addiction from me. And everything fell apart in February. He had a psychotic episode. It wasn't safe.
I left. Lived in a friend's camper for a month. I bought a home. He has my belongings and owes me thousands of dollars. He broke my stuff.
I was slowly getting my things back. He called me his biggest trigger. I spent a whole year surviving, being afraid he'd die. Waiting patiently for him to go back to the loving human I chose to spend my life with.
I went by last week to get some of my items. I messaged before. Thought he knew. But I guess he'd blocked me.
He was on the couch (our couch) wifh his new girlfriend, who I only found out about a week ago. I asked if it was OK I came in, he said yes. I started to pack my stuff. I ignored her. She left.
He freaked out. Told me I'd ruined his life. Told me I had dissociative identity disorder. And never to come back, or communicate again. Found out from a friend that she's pregnant. We had tried to have kids, I can't.
So the thing is. I get it. Ya good riddance right?? Simple.
But no. Anyone who understands and has been through something like this knows its not simple.
I loved this man intensely. Our connection was amazing.
And now she's in what was our home. She struggles with cocaine, he only recently seems sober from crack, and i assume they're trying to be sober together. With his baby inside her. The baby I wanted but couldn't have. And now. I'm cut off. She was waiting in the wings the whole time and I know it. She used to say she was my friend.
But. This is the most pain I have ever felt in my entire life.
Please please any words of advice from someone who has struggled with addiction or an addicted loved one. I go to nar anon. I have my boundaries now.
My brain tells me I was wrong. The problem. And she's going to get the version of him I so desperately wanted and remember. How can they be happy?? Was it really me that caused his problems and now he's found her he is well and now they'll have a family??
I am destroyed