u/SquareAd46

My just-turned-3yo child has a rare genetic disorder (Cohen’s) which includes a learning disability which is normally moderate - severe but he’s presenting on the low end at the moment.

We can’t get him to follow rules unless it’s something he’s invested in. He’ll either completely ignore us, laugh at us, have a tantrum, or do the thing once and refuse to do it the next time we ask.

I’m at a loss because it feels unfair to discipline him if he genuinely isn’t understanding the behaviour is wrong or what we want him to do, but a lot of the time I feel he does understand and he’s choosing not to do as he’s told.

For the record, he isn’t badly behaved. He isn’t violent or rude or throwing tantrums in the supermarket. He’s incredibly sweet tempered 9/10 times. It’s things like asking him to pick up his toys, or to go to the potty. He’s started snatching toys from his sister and refusing to share. All quite developmentally normal stuff tbh, but our methods aren’t getting through to him.

We only got his diagnosis recently, but we’ve definitely been lax on expecting him to follow rules before hand. That’s entirely on us, hands up. We’ve always known something was off and have given him leeway because of it. He’s also incredibly charming and can pretty much get away with murder by smiling.

We have a developmentally normal child who is beautifully behaved but we just can’t reach him in the same way.

When it comes to it I just genuinely don’t know how to teach him to follow the rules/right from wrong. I’m in desperate need of guidance!

I feel like an awful parent but everything she does winds me up.

She doesn’t listen, she argues all the time, she isn’t careful, she cries and throws a fit at the drop of a hat, she’s a complete wimp, and every 2 minutes she’s making demands of me, even when I’ve explained to her that she needs to be patient.

If she has the tiniest bump she’ll scream like she needs an ambulance and I try washing her hair with the shower head and she freaks out like I’m trying to drown her. She sees a spider web and she has a full on break down.

She repeats herself over and over and it’s usually stupid things like saying ‘oh poopoo head’ or ‘flickin chicken’ in a stupid voice constantly and it’s SO annoying.

Sometimes I really struggle to be around her or show her affection because she annoys me so much and it’s awful because I don’t feel this triggered by her 3yo brother at all.

And she’s not even a bad kid. She excels in school, she’s affectionate with her brother, she’s polite and kind and generous with other people. She’s just a dick to me and her dad.

We used to be so close and I want to feel that again instead of being constantly triggered by her. I hate that she could be picking up on it because she deserves so much better than what I’m giving her at the moment.

I’ve tried spending one on one time with her but everything is a constant battle and I feel like I’m arguing with a teenager, not a 5yo. We went out for a girly shopping trip and I was on the verge of losing my temper so many times.

She’s 5, it’s not her job to manage my emotions. I should be more patient and less highly strung but idk how to do that. We have a newborn so I know my hormones are out of whack and I’m exhausted but I’ve been feeling this way for a while. I can’t remember the last time we had family time and it didn’t end in a battle of wills.

I’m a fucking awful person.