u/Squishy_Papaya_6038

Hey all,

I’m looking for advice in bonding my 2 ~1 year old (bonded) cats with my girlfriend’s ~1 year old husky mix.

We have attempted bringing the husky into my house (cats house) twice.

First time both cats hissed, then we took the husky out as it was obvious the cats didn’t like husky. Cats hair were up like they were scared.

Second time we tried putting the cats in a sizable dog carrier in the kitchen with the kitchen being blocked off. After being let out, the orange barn cat attacked the husky , husky whimpered, then the husky was taken out of the house. (Husky had no inclination to fight)

Something my gf mentioned is that it seemed like the orange barn cat was attempting to protect the other cat.

In hindsight before someone mentions it, I can see how putting the cats in a cage in their own home is counter-intuitive , but we really want them to be bonded so we can have them together for when we move in.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I recently got out of a toxic, on and off relationship with a narcissistic BPD woman. From the beginning I knew she had BPD but the narcissism was extremely lowkey, and I believe it just exponentially grew over the course of the two and a half years of being on and off.

I’m not the greatest and storytelling so please bear with me….

When we first met I wasn’t too sure if it’d work as she was very quiet, very into herself, very unsocial-able. Very closed off. As we got talking and went out for Mexican food the mood switched a bit; I saw her in the light of: this woman is way more down to earth and relatable than anyone I’ve ever met. I’ve always been an introvert, and her shyness, but eventual openness, brought out something in me.
She didn’t work a job , though I think at the time she was ‘trying’ to get into a job.

We became intimate quickly, and a bond was created shortly after. All our time was spent together. She lived 35 mins away or so and I worked 2nd shift so I’d drive every weekend to get her. Friday night after work until Monday before work we would spend together, mainly just her and I. I was living with my mom and grandma at the time so they were there too but we were mainly alone playing video games , being active, doing whatever came to mind.

My timeline gets real shaky but I recall breaking up with her at one point as her not having a job was difficult , and spending all my time with her became draining and I wasn’t sure how to pull back without upsetting her. I think we were each other’s first loves, per se, first real relationship so we were both feeling it out but also enjoying the feeling of an extremely close physical and mental connection.

We moved to my dads as my mom was/is religious so it was conflicting that her and I were so intimate. That’s when things really got bad as we were stuck in the bedroom as the whole house was a mess. My dad and his lady saw the effect that she had on me. The fact that I’d work and come home while she slept the full time. She didn’t work as her mental health strongly fluctuated and she always had an excuse for something , always found it difficult to get and keep a job without having a mental breakdown.

After some time I broke up with her then as well because it became so frustrating. I loved her but things were adding up. She didn’t work so every expense was on me, damn near every chore and meal was on me. I remember my dad was saying how she was using me but I didn’t fully see that. My mom also mentioned a number of times over the years that I never seemed happy , or at least was extremely guarded when we were all together and happier when I was alone with my mom. I never felt that per se but now that I’m in a healthy relationship it’s starting to make sense. She of course didn’t take the break up well, attempted to OD on Tylenol, and went to the mental hospital for 1-2 weeks. I remember dropping off her things and finding out about it from her grandma. Extremely heartbreaking but her voice sounded much better while in the hospital like there was some improvement.

After she got out we reluctantly started talking again and it rebooted the cycle back into place. I picked her up to go to the movies but because of the connection we had we were intimate beforehand as well , friends with benefits I think it was. Very intoxicating….

Timeline is very iffy again but I recall having a phone call convo with her every time after the breakup , me realizing how hard it was without her.

Fast forward to last November when we were back together and she wanted to move out of my dad’s because of how hard it was…. She had a job at Walmart that I helped her get and we ended up moving into a $900 , 1bd apartment. We looked at maybe one other apartment that was $1000 that was horrid , and when I mentioned how bad it was she made comments of me being too picky like I didn’t know what I was talking about, like my say didn’t matter.
Fast forward once more into moving in, she got a horrible yeast infection and with her being a bigger woman it got really bad… and she ended up losing her job and Walmart due to points , which was a big thing as it seemed like Walmart still wanted her but she wasn’t returning the calls but wasn’t telling me that…. Then proceeded to tell me she didn’t see the calls …. While I’m footing all the bills because she wasnt working…

I agreed to the apartment because she damn near promised that she would keep the job and that she was doing better but within two months she flipped on her heels and she got sick like previously mentioned and it was all me…. The house was messy, we had 7 guinea pigs , 3 of which were hers that I had to foot, and 2 cats as well that I had to foot bills for …. On top of the bills, making meals, surviving as a person in general… it was very destroying….

I ended up breaking up with her as it became way too much again, and she made a comment that she was proud of herself for getting into the apartment when it was way too little way too late and she hadnt even put in 30% of the cost… like no im not proud of you because im still footing everything and she has the audacity to say that I didnt care , that I wasnt trying in the relationship when I was…. One person can only do so much, though…

She says I’m a bad toxic person when in reality I tried… I went back because I wanted it to work, though also , not that it’s a good thing, but I was afraid to be alone , and no one else treated me well and she was my home for so long that she was my ex, and my rebound constantly….. I shouldve ran part, or maybe a lot was my fault but there’s always two sides of a relationship too… so it’s not all me….

Something I hadn’t mentioned earlier here is that after the 3rd time of breaking up she reached out to my mom saying ‘I’m going out with someone, but don’t tell him (me)‘. Like what is that supposed to mean????? They weren’t even talking and out of the blue she says that… it’s targeted, she KNEW I would reach out, she KNEW it was restart the cycle but when I reached out and confronted about that, ‘it wasn’t meant like that’ , and it ‘was my choice to run back’ when she also accepted me back???

Sometimes I feel like the bad guy but there have been so many instances where she played victim , and said other people were the bad guys, it’s hard to draw the line when the rules keep changing , when promises are made and not kept ….