u/Ssla1

I've been divorced about a year. Around when I filed two years ago, I started dating a woman in her 20s, a good bit younger than me. We've been together about two years, but it's been on and off since my divorce was finalized.

My daughter is preschool age, and the divorce was hard on her, so I waited more than a year before introducing them. A month ago my girlfriend broke up with me for the third time this year (I think partly to see if I'd chase her). While we were apart, my daughter kept asking about her, which was awkward and made me feel terrible.

We're back together now, and she wants to be involved with my daughter again. I'm very hesitant. I don't want my daughter going through that again, so I've been avoiding it. I haven't talked to my girlfriend about it yet.

Has anyone dealt with something similar?
How did you handle it?

Looking for tips on doing my five year old’s hair on school mornings. Hers is long and tangles overnight. I can manage a basic ponytail, but most things beyond that are over my head. Any go-to styles or detangling tricks would be appreciated. Thanks!

I’ve been in 12-step programs since my twenties and I have a lot of sobriety. I found ACA about ten years ago too, so I’ve long understood my anger goes back to childhood, not just to what my mom did recently. And I’m still stuck.

I grew up with her drinking and the chaos around it. I became the fixer, the one who read the room and kept the peace. As an adult that turned into my whole personality — and, eventually, my job managing her money.

Three years ago she got sober in AA, met a man my age (red flag one — she’s 76, and he wasn’t there for romance), married him fast, and within months she sold her house, cashed out her retirement, and cut me out for him. He’s a repeat felon who has threatened me, and she sides with him every time. I’ve seen her once in three years, and in that time my daughter — now five — has all but grown up without her grandmother.

Here’s what’s leveling me: after ten years of work, this ripped the old wound wide open. It really felt like she died this time — except she’s still out there, still choosing him. The kid who never got to be angry is furious all over again, and I can’t make it settle.

For those further along:

•How do you move a resentment that’s outlasted the step work?  
•How do you grieve a parent who’s still alive, when you thought you’d already grieved them?

I don’t need to be told I’m right or wrong about her. I just want to stop carrying this.