u/StateLoud6478

I was baptised Orthodox as a baby, but was never taught anything about our religion by my single mom.

Growing up I didn’t think about religion, then turned hardcore atheist during puberty, then explored Hellenic paganism and eventually converted to Islam. I spent 2 years practising it on and off and eventually went atheist for another year.

Then this March I randomly watched Conclave (2024) and experienced a major pull towards Catholicism. At first it was vibes-based, but upon exploring the differenced between Orthodoxy, Catholicism and Protestantism I came to a conclusion Catholicism is closest to me.

And I happened to live 30 minutes by foot away from a Catholic church, despite Catholicism being an extreme minority in my Orthodox majority area. So I started attending it.

And today when I entered my mom’s room I saw a cross on a string hanging from a shelf, which I recognised as the cross I was baptised with and wore for my entire childhood until I eventually took it off. I showed it to my mom and she was so shocked and told me she looked everywhere, but couldn’t find it since 2022. She started talking about it.

So I decided to bite the bullet and tell her I’ve been so desperate applying to a college and so unsure they will accept me that I went in a church. She told me well done and asked which one, the one behind X place? I said close to it. She told me she knows there’s a Catholic church somewhere nearby and I admitted it’s the one I visited and offered to come with me someday. She said she only knows that Catholics cross left to right and not right to left. But said all believe in the same God anyway. I and told her about church similarities and differences: pews, no candles, no incense, but that they also have icons, priests, Bible readings, the Eucharist, making sure to add that a priest told me I can’t receive it (yet) because I’m not officially a Catholic. 

And told her about OCIA that starts this September and she asked if I want to go. I told her yes, adding that no one forces you to convert during it and that it’s good to just learn about the faith more. She said “of course take it”. I honestly didn’t even expect such a positive reaction.

I kept telling her different facts about Catholicism and my church and she told me she's proud of me for going.

I doubt my baptism certificate is preserved to this day anyway, so I hope to undergo OCIA and receive a conditional baptism in my wonderful Catholic church under my true, chosen name. And finally become a full member of the church that made me finally feel at home🤍

I was on lowish dose of gel for 2 years aged 14-16, then one year off T (16-17), then 1 year on a higher dose of injections (17-18). Now I’m 1 month off T and already became very irritable again.

I had only 13 mental breakdowns during the last year on T and 25 during the year before it when I was off T. The severity of them also went up now that I’m not on T. My mental condition back then got so awful even my mother suggested going back on T, so it’s not only me who notices it. Besides having severe mental breakdowns more often, I also became much more irritable and snap easier on my friends and family.

I came to the conclusion I don’t want any masculinising effects of T, I’m not even GNC, but it’s genuinely the only thing that made me normal. I was on anti-depressants previously and take anti-psychotics on and off as prescribed, but neither helped as much as T did.

Anyone who was in a similar situation and found a solution? Because I only hear the opposite experience for ftmtf/nb individuals.