u/StephenDCook

I think a lot of us tend to attach our entire identities to our professions. For me, it was "being" a Soldier. The facade of the uniform became a shield to hide my true self behind, and over time, who I actually was ended up getting completely buried under that role. If you stay in any rigid system long enough - for me, it was 25 years in the US Army - you emerge into the broader world not really knowing who you are anymore.

When I first got out, I cast an incredibly broad net into the civilian job market. I submitted my resume to countless non-defense corporate openings. Not a single one resulted in even an initial interview - plenty of defense sector interviews, but nothing else. I felt completely typecast. Rather than take a job at Lockheed Martin, I set up an S-Corp as an independent consultant and picked up subcontracts under SETA (Systems Engineering and Technical Assistance) defense primes. From an income standpoint, it worked out well. But I quickly realized I was just perpetuating my time in the military, doing virtually the exact same work while just wearing different clothes. I wanted to break free, but I was stuck in a loop.

The turning point for me was diving into Steven Pressfield’s books, specifically The War of Art, Turning Pro, and The Artist’s Journey.

Reading his work, a few lightbulbs went off. I realized that my successful consultancy was exactly what Pressfield calls a "shadow career” - a profession that mimics your true calling - but it’s ultimately a safe imitation because your true heart isn't exposed. I was staying close to the military environment I knew because stepping completely into the unknown was terrifying for me.

Pressfield argues that a person's life is divided into two monumental movements: “The Hero’s Journey” and “The Artist’s Journey”. The Hero's Journey is the operational life - leaving home, entering what he calls the underworld, facing the challenges, and emerging fundamentally transformed. Pressfield says that the Artist’s Journey begins exactly where the Hero’s Journey ends. He explains that when a warrior returns from the "underworld" (the operational military world), they return as a "twice-born" soul. We can no longer fit cleanly back into ordinary civilian society because we’ve seen behind the curtain of human nature, mortality, and high-consequence conflict. According to Pressfield, the returned warrior has a specific spiritual obligation to what he refers to as “the tribe”: the hero returns to the ordinary world with a gift for the people. That gift is his or her lived experience, transformed into art. 

I realized as a returned warrior that I have a secondary mission: to put down the physical weapon, pick up a creative tool, and translate those hard-won emotional truths for the people who stayed behind.

I chose to consciously stop running from my past and instead try to connect with my "inner artist" through fiction writing and photography. It’s been the only thing that has truly helped me reconnect with my actual self. Writing a military techno-thriller trilogy isn't a post-retirement hobby for me at all; it feels like the mandatory second half of my life's mission. The fiction has been the vehicle to deliver the underlying truths of brotherhood, bureaucracy, and survival back to the civilian world.

I wanted to share this here for anyone else - veteran or civilian - who feels trapped in the golden handcuffs of a career that no longer serves their true self.

Have any of you wrestled with this specific type of identity loss, shadow career loop, or industry typecasting? If you managed to break free and nurture a creative "inner artist" to find your true path, how did you navigate that crossing? Even if you found a clear path to the civilian world - any tips, thoughts, or ideas to share that helped you get there?

I think a lot of us tend to attach our entire identities to our professions. For me, it was "being" a Soldier. The facade of the uniform became a shield to hide my true self behind, and over time, who I actually was ended up getting completely buried under that role. If you stay in any rigid system long enough - for me, it was 25 years in the US Army - you emerge into the broader world not really knowing who you are anymore.

When I first got out, I cast an incredibly broad net into the civilian job market. I submitted my resume to countless non-defense corporate openings. Not a single one resulted in even an initial interview - plenty of defense sector interviews, but nothing else. I felt completely typecast. Rather than take a job at Lockheed Martin, I set up an S-Corp as an independent consultant and picked up subcontracts under SETA (Systems Engineering and Technical Assistance) defense primes. From an income standpoint, it worked out well. But I quickly realized I was just perpetuating my time in the military, doing virtually the exact same work while just wearing different clothes. I wanted to break free, but I was stuck in a loop.

The turning point for me was diving into Steven Pressfield’s books, specifically The War of Art, Turning Pro, and The Artist’s Journey.

Reading his work, a few lightbulbs went off. I realized that my successful consultancy was exactly what Pressfield calls a "shadow career” - a profession that mimics your true calling - but it’s ultimately a safe imitation because your true heart isn't exposed. I was staying close to the military environment I knew because stepping completely into the unknown was terrifying for me.

Pressfield argues that a person's life is divided into two monumental movements: “The Hero’s Journey” and “The Artist’s Journey”. The Hero's Journey is the operational life - leaving home, entering what he calls the underworld, facing the challenges, and emerging fundamentally transformed. Pressfield says that the Artist’s Journey begins exactly where the Hero’s Journey ends. He explains that when a warrior returns from the "underworld" (the operational military world), they return as a "twice-born" soul. We can no longer fit cleanly back into ordinary civilian society because we’ve seen behind the curtain of human nature, mortality, and high-consequence conflict. According to Pressfield, the returned warrior has a specific spiritual obligation to what he refers to as “the tribe”: the hero returns to the ordinary world with a gift for the people. That gift is his or her lived experience, transformed into art. 

I realized as a returned warrior that I have a secondary mission: to put down the physical weapon, pick up a creative tool, and translate those hard-won emotional truths for the people who stayed behind.

I chose to consciously stop running from my past and instead try to connect with my "inner artist" through fiction writing and photography. It’s been the only thing that has truly helped me reconnect with my actual self. Writing a military techno-thriller trilogy isn't a post-retirement hobby for me at all; it feels like the mandatory second half of my life's mission. The fiction has been the vehicle to deliver the underlying truths of brotherhood, bureaucracy, and survival back to the civilian world.

I wanted to share this here for anyone else - veteran or civilian - who feels trapped in the golden handcuffs of a career that no longer serves their true self.

Have any of you wrestled with this specific type of identity loss, shadow career loop, or industry typecasting? If you managed to break free and nurture a creative "inner artist" to find your true path, how did you navigate that crossing? Any tips, thoughts, or ideas are welcome.

I spent 25 years in the Army, with much more than half that time in Special Forces. After I retired, I spent years working as a consultant for SOCOM Special Mission Units. That job meant a lot of long, solitary drives across deserts - both here in the US and overseas.

To pass the time, I listened to a select few audiobooks on repeat. Rick Rubin’s The Creative Act, and practically everything Steven Pressfield has written on the creative process: The War of Art, Turning Pro, The Artist’s Journey, & Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be.

After an Army career that I was perpetuating through consulting, I never thought I’d have the courage to share my stories - the ability to get them on paper - or the audience to share them with. I’d been trying to figure out how to write about the things I’d seen and the friction of the environments I’d worked in. I had this idea that I needed to write a rigid, non-fiction account - maybe even a documentary - that some of the stories and accomplishments needed to be shared in some form or fashion. But Pressfield writes about how his actual, lived experiences were often rejected by publishers, while a story he wrote about being in prison - an experience he never had - was highly praised. The realization was that readers don't always want the dry reality; they want the emotional truth that lives inside a well-told story.

I realized that the actual reality of modern warfare systems and Special Operations is often too bogged down in bureaucracy to make a compelling straight narrative, or it’s classified and can’t be discussed, or it's simply so astonishing that a reader wouldn't believe it if you told them it actually happened.

So, I took Pressfield's and Rubin’s advice - first in finding my voice and trying to tap my inner artist. Then, taking the reality of my experiences, and wrapping it in a military techno-thriller. It gave me the freedom to tell the exact truth about the human toll, the bureaucracy, and the technology, without being handcuffed by some of the dry facts of reality - and maybe even keeping some of the unbelievable because it is so remarkably unbelievable.

Transitioning out of the military can be an incredibly daunting experience. I feel I owe both Rubin and Pressfield a debt of gratitude for rescuing me from myself, pulling me into the light, and giving me the courage to write.

They made me look at the fiction I read completely differently. It makes me wonder how many other authors are using their novels as a Trojan Horse for realities they couldn't publish as non-fiction.

Have you found any transformational books like my experience with Rubin/Pressfield? Whether it's thrillers, sci-fi, or historical fiction - what are your favorite examples of an author folding truth into fiction? What Tim O’Brien does in The Things They Carried about his experiences in Vietnam really stands out to me.

There is a massive emphasis on physical preparation for SFAS in this sub, and the dedication is incredible to see. It’s amazing both that there is such a high volume of people willing to make the sacrifice, and that a platform exists to connect those experiences.

But of the posts that I’ve read, the biggest concerns always seem to center around physical fitness and age - likely because those are measurable quantities. I would argue there are traits even more important: mental and emotional toughness, judgment, character, and overall maturity. And by maturity, I don’t mean age.

Nobody is asked to ruck a percentage of their body weight. In the Q-Course or on deployment, you carry what the mission asks. While I’m not a monster of a man, I’m not slight - and I can’t even begin to tell you how impressive it is to see a 145lb guy carry over 50% of his body weight over the course of a few weeks. Not because he’s physically stronger, but because he’s mentally tough enough to ignore his body’s signal to stop.

Even after SFAS, after the Q-Course, and after arriving at Group, one of the most important attributes is the understanding that nothing is about you. It's about the fact that you represent the Regiment, 24/7. Your ability to manage your household finances, treat your spouse/family with respect, keep your emotions - anger, frustration, jealousy - in check, be mature enough to call an Uber after you’ve had a drink... that you choose moral clarity over material gain… these attributes will far outweigh your ability to lift weight.

I’ve also seen posts debating why one tribe (like MARSOC) gets missions over another (SF). When the TSOC (Theater Special Operations Command) of a geographic combatant command (e.g., SOCAFRICA) makes decisions on mission alignment, you can bet that any recent incidents about prostitutes, theft, fights, etc., in-country will absolutely be factored into the decision. A group of four guys - and the good or bad decisions they make in a small nation in Africa - may be the only example an Ambassador's Country Team ever sees of Special Forces. Just as they say SF missions are tactical in nature and strategic in consequence, so are your individual actions when you’re deployed on a small team.

You don’t have to be 30 years old to be mature. My Ranger Buddy in Ranger School was a 40-year-old in a 20-year-old’s body. He was compassionate, wicked smart, tactically sound, and had nothing less than mature judgment. The next time I saw him after Ranger School was four years later at a Fayetteville sushi restaurant. We sat together and caught up, and I got to hear how he became a Delta Force operator before he was 25 years old. Not because he was physically strong, but because he was mentally and emotionally mature. He’s no longer on this earth, but his legacy lives on and people are still telling stories about his professionalism and contributions on the podcasts.

I remember what it was like - the desire to earn the tab and wear the beret. But there's a heavy responsibility you bear after you climb that mountain. It involves staying strong enough and aware enough to remain on the pinnacle, policing yourself to make sure that you’re maintaining the standards on behalf of the Regiment, each and every day.

With all that said, I’d ask those wanting to become a Green Beret: What are you doing to sharpen your judgment, increase your emotional and mental awareness and toughness, and align yourself with core values - not just those you recite, but those you hold in front of every action you take every single day -  that will carry you on the right side of the challenges you’ll face in your life? Getting yourself aligned on the inside is as important - if not more important - than building muscle on the outside.

So, as difficult as it is for me to admit, I'm an old-school SF guy (although I don't feel like it). I was in when ARSOF went against the SOF Truths of 'Special Operations Forces cannot be mass produced' / 'Competent Special Operations Forces cannot be created after emergencies occur' and decided to rapidly expand the force. Demand clearly exceeded capacity, which brought the return of the 18X SF-baby program, and eventually led to growing a 4th battalion almost universally across ARSOF formations.

I did serve with 18X's - but it was ones and twos - not the norm of today. I personally found so much value in serving many years in the Infantry before going SF. It developed teamwork, understanding of small-unit tactics, and gave me a hands-on appreciation for what it's like to be the last squad in a company-sized movement wondering when anyone might disseminate information as to why we've crossed the same river twice en route to an objective on an all night movement as the sun starts to crest.

Thinking back to spending 8-12 months at a remote firebase in Afghanistan, I also genuinely wonder how the introduction of female operators has shifted the dynamics of an ODA. Living in high-stress, isolated environments changes people, & the chemistry of a 12-man team is a delicate thing. I’m definitely not questioning anyone’s capability - I’m mostly curious about human nature and team dynamics.

I don't bring any of this up from a political standpoint - at all - but simply out of sincere curiosity about the Regiment today. I have nothing but the utmost respect for anyone who’d volunteer to take on the hardest missions our Nation could ask. But I have to ask: what does the climate feel like today? How are these two shifts (18X and female integration) actually playing out in the team room and on deployment? If you were an 18X, who is now SF - do you feel you had the background needed to advise on JCET's? What do other old-school guys think? What do aspiring 18X's think (understanding lack of experience, but sometimes the best perspective is a fresh perspective)?