Am I wrong for moving in with my boyfriend because my step-mom said she doesn’t want to be involved in my life anymore
I (19F) have lived with my step-mom and dad full time since I was 12. My biological mother struggled with alcohol and choosing the wrong men to pursue relationships with. When I was 13 I watched my biological mother sign over her rights to me in a parking lot showing no remorse or any emotion as she did so. She placed me in situations no child should be in (living with drug users/ dealers, forgetting to feed me because she was drunk/high, living in constant filth dog feces/urine everywhere) yet growing up I still tried my hardest to be enough for her. I thought I could somehow earn her love and affection.
However, my step mom has been in my life since I was 4 and did all the things a mom should do minus her anger and snide remarks. My bio mom had me when she was 18 and my step mom uses my drive to be nothing like my biological mother as a threat. Saying things like “don’t get pregnant or you’ll really be like your mom”. Which I have expressed bothers me and I have tried to set that boundary in which she states she’s trying to teach me protection and safety when it comes to sex. My step mom is also extremely jealous of my biological mother (for what reason I am not sure) I’m guessing because I rekindled our relationship a few years ago. Which I only did because I was told she was pregnant and due to complications she may not survive giving birth to my little sister. I did not want to live with that guilt of not saying something and since I’m religious forgiveness is something I strive to achieve. Not for the other person but for my bell-being as forgiveness is seen as a weight lifted off of your own shoulders. Still my relationship with my bio mom is not that of mother and daughter but more of long distance friends as she lives half way across the country.
Recently my step mom and I got into an argument about me not telling her I am continuing my education at the current university I am enrolled in. I told my dad since he asked but I was expected to continue attending uni so I didn’t really think anything of it. She told me I pick and choose when I want her to be involved in my life as my mother. I told her I was sorry I made her feel that way and that wasn’t my intention and tried to explain the situation. She continued to be upset in which I gave her space since that’s what usually is helpful in these situations. Previously she had thrown objects at me and put holes in my wall threatening to beat me while backing me into a corner. She never put hands on me but tons of emotional abuse in which I tiptoe around her still trying to maintain a relationship with her. Her reactions make me fearful thinking she may actually get physical one day. And even though my biological mother abandoned me when I was younger and did not seem to care about my safety my step mom threatens her absence to keep me in check. She had told me before she doesn’t want to be my mom and we’ve made up since then but those words still play in my head.
After the first part of this argument I got awarded a grade appeal from a dual credit class in high school which I informed both of my parents in a group chat and since she was mad at me and my dad she simply said “happy for you. Go tell your dad.” (She only used periods when she is upset. I told her I didn’t want to be involved in her and my dad argument and we would continue the discussion later, However she kept going and I continued to stand up for myself in which she took as disrespect. No cuss words, no name calling, no voice raising just me her newly adult child standing up for herself. I told her her reaction made me regret sharing my excitement with her In which she replied “I am no longer involved in any aspect of your life”.
In fear of being miserable and in harms way I decided to move in with my boyfriend and not move home for the summer, I do work and have increased my hours and I’m pulling my weight in our house. My mom said she can’t live with my decision and even though this happened before Mother’s Day I still went and saw her because she wanted me there (so she said) the only thing she said to me was “are you going to get the rest of your shit” and spent the day avoiding every room I was in and swinging on a child swing instead of embracing the fact that I drove 3 hours to see her for the day and sent her $100 worth of gifts as a struggling college student. Because I love her and just think we strive on space and not being in the same home.
My dad said he will always pick her side because she his his wife. And that he hopes my kids award me more grace than I awarded them and sent me a bible verse about honoring my father and mother.
Am I wrong for standing my ground and protecting my peace by removing myself from the situation and moving out?