u/Straight_Fly_5092

Our 6-year anniversary is next week. Last week I found out my wife has been having an affair with a colleague (they’re both teachers). Allegedly it was up to 3rd base, not the entire way. But long story short, she said she hasn’t been romantically interested in me in the past 6 months and instead of hurting me by telling me, she has enjoyed the affection from a colleague and they’ve struck up an entanglement. When I found out last week, I was beyond devastated. I still am. She seems relieved that I found out, and she has just been “focusing on the kids to be there for them.” But she shows no remorse for what she’s done to me and our marriage. She isn’t wanting to stay married to me because she is in love with me, she initially wanted to stay together “because of the kids” but be okay with her stepping out of the marriage to pursue other people. Just typing that hurts my soul.

Within the last week, she doesn’t want to be married to me any longer, however entertains the idea that staying married but separating may be what’s best for the kids. Buckle up for this - she also wants to co-habitate for the lease duration and go our separate ways afterwards. Of course, all of this is killing me inside and I’m filled with grief, sadness, rejection, etc

She doesn’t have a bunch of cash saved up for an attorney, I do. Deep down, even though I’m hurting, I don’t want to hurt her or impact our 3 and 5 year old. The only time she gets emotional is when she realizes how difficult life will be as a single mom. During the school teaching year, I’m the primary parent. She works 4 10s and I work from home 60% of the time so I do all of the preschool and daycare drop offs and pick ups. During the summer she steps up more but I don’t care about parenting or workload distribution, 100% is 100%, it doesn’t matter if at times I’m doing 80% and at times she’s doing 70% because we’ve been a team.

We live in Colorado and it’s a no-fault state. We’re both on the lease. She doesn’t want to move out (mostly because she can’t) and I don’t want to voluntarily leave the household and our babies. Since divorce is the way this is going to go, I had a couple consults with firms and told them that she and I want to work this out amicably and I don’t want to try and fuck her - they are very clear that her infidelity cannot be used in any way unless there was harm done to the kids (which there hasn’t been except for the eventually family breakup that’s looming), she’s actually a very good mom and our children love her very much.

I don’t know what to do. She won’t leave, I won’t leave. She has some fantasy about how I’ll be a cuck and stay married to her for the family, while she takes time to move out in July 2027. It’s so bad that I have to excuse myself from common areas due to crying and shit and I don’t like doing that in front of the kids. Deep down, she hasn’t been happy with one of the most important components of a marriage, but she loves all of the other things about our marriage. I told her that this is the one thing we can’t come back from.

We can agree on most of the parenting plan, except of course, that means that I help out more during the school year. I make $125k she makes $85k. I’m scared because I feel like I’m going to lose 50% of my time with our children, and I’m going to have to pay CS, even though she said it can be $0, ultimately the court won’t let that happen.

I’m really struggling, I really need some advice because I’m spiraling. Firms are asking for $6k to fully represent me, but she can’t get representation?

What I want at the end of the day is for none of this to have happened. But that’s not reality. So where do I go from here? What I NEED is for her to move out. She says if I try to force her out, I’ll just hurt the babies because she will be living in a ghetto area/1 bed apt. Her sister lives 5 minutes away. I wish she would live there, but her sister cannot have her + 50% of my children long term. I thought about moving out and getting my own place, but I cannot afford two households.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I’m grieving, parenting, leading the house, and trying to pick up these pieces and I’m terrified and heartbroken.

Our 6-year anniversary is next week. Last week I found out my wife has been having an affair with a colleague (they’re both teachers). Allegedly it was up to 3rd base, not the entire way. But long story short, she said she hasn’t been romantically interested in me in the past 6 months and instead of hurting me by telling me, she has enjoyed the affection from a colleague and they’ve struck up an entanglement. When I found out last week, I was beyond devastated. I still am. She seems relieved that I found out, and she has just been “focusing on the kids to be there for them.” But she shows no remorse for what she’s done to me and our marriage. She isn’t wanting to stay married to me because she is in love with me, she initially wanted to stay together “because of the kids” but be okay with her stepping out of the marriage to pursue other people. Just typing that hurts my soul.

Within the last week, she doesn’t want to be married to me any longer, however entertains the idea that staying married but separating may be what’s best for the kids. Buckle up for this - she also wants to co-habitate for the lease duration and go our separate ways afterwards. Of course, all of this is killing me inside and I’m filled with grief, sadness, rejection, etc

She doesn’t have a bunch of cash saved up for an attorney, I do. Deep down, even though I’m hurting, I don’t want to hurt her or impact our 3 and 5 year old. The only time she gets emotional is when she realizes how difficult life will be as a single mom. During the school teaching year, I’m the primary parent. She works 4 10s and I work from home 60% of the time so I do all of the preschool and daycare drop offs and pick ups. During the summer she steps up more but I don’t care about parenting or workload distribution, 100% is 100%, it doesn’t matter if at times I’m doing 80% and at times she’s doing 70% because we’ve been a team.

We live in Colorado and it’s a no-fault state. We’re both on the lease. She doesn’t want to move out (mostly because she can’t) and I don’t want to voluntarily leave the household and our babies. Since divorce is the way this is going to go, I had a couple consults with firms and told them that she and I want to work this out amicably and I don’t want to try and fuck her - they are very clear that her infidelity cannot be used in any way unless there was harm done to the kids (which there hasn’t been except for the eventually family breakup that’s looming), she’s actually a very good mom and our children love her very much.

I don’t know what to do. She won’t leave, I won’t leave. She has some fantasy about how I’ll be a cuck and stay married to her for the family, while she takes time to move out in July 2027. It’s so bad that I have to excuse myself from common areas due to crying and shit and I don’t like doing that in front of the kids. Deep down, she hasn’t been happy with one of the most important components of a marriage, but she loves all of the other things about our marriage. I told her that this is the one thing we can’t come back from.

We can agree on most of the parenting plan, except of course, that means that I help out more during the school year. I make $125k she makes $85k. I’m scared because I feel like I’m going to lose 50% of my time with our children, and I’m going to have to pay CS, even though she said it can be $0, ultimately the court won’t let that happen.

I’m really struggling, I really need some advice because I’m spiraling. Firms are asking for $6k to fully represent me, but she can’t get representation?

What I want at the end of the day is for none of this to have happened. But that’s not reality. So where do I go from here? What I NEED is for her to move out. She says if I try to force her out, I’ll just hurt the babies because she will be living in a ghetto area/1 bed apt. Her sister lives 5 minutes away. I wish she would live there, but her sister cannot have her + 50% of my children long term. I thought about moving out and getting my own place, but I cannot afford two households.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I’m grieving, parenting, leading the house, and trying to pick up these pieces and I’m terrified and heartbroken.