u/Strange_Cup2045

I’m meant to be no contact but it’s like I’m physically unable to do it man. He answers my calls just to be mad at me. It’s been a week and he acts like he’s over it and he hates me, but the other day he was going he still cares about me and how can you care about me when you do this. I feel so ugly and worthless and disgusting I’m unlovable I’m having to peel myself to the gym when I know he just goes and he’s fine and he probably talks to all the women there. I’ve been going gym a year and we started talking because we both enjoy the gym so it’s like why is my normal routine a struggle and he’s just in there bettering himself.

Why keep me unblocked why answer my calls just to not give a fuck and end them. I rang him today because I was having a panic attack and he’s said before to ring him if I need him. So I did because everyone else I know is at work and I know he’s at the gym. Answers and then just basically tells me to fuck off. Why hate me when I’ve never cheated been unloyal done anything remotely to make him hate me.

It’s honestly making me want to die. I won’t do it or harm myself but I don’t get how anyone can be okay making anyone else feel like that and that should be the ick in itself but I miss him and I hate myself and I hate him for being okay.

I’ve recently been broken up with by my boyfriend (M24). Obviously I’m upset blah blah blah thinking about everything in the relationship.
I’ve been journaling and ranting, and ngl I’ve been speaking to him nearly every day for the week we’ve broken up (no contact started like yesterday)
And I’m like was if all abuse, am I in the wrong like did I not understand his ADHD and pushed too far?
We’d have arguments like, I’m telling him this annoyed me. Not even an argument I’m just bringing it up. He’d either explode, say mean things and leave me on my own so I’d blow up his phone and chase him etc. He’d block me for like 20 mins? Or he’d not care then bring it up another day in another argument and I’m like right well now I feel like you’ve lied to me acting like you enjoy something only to throw it in my face a week later.
I admit I could have gave more space or not as like been so quick to be annoyed sometimes, but i feel like I wouldn’t be like that and so ‘clingy’ in arguments if you calmly said can I be on my own for an hour to calm down. Instead he’d say mean things, explode and yell at me or he’d say he’s cancelling us hanging out for the day cause that would trigger me I hate last minute changes of plans it drives me insane.
Anyway. I can’t really explain it but am I like not understanding the ADHD anger or… would anyone react like that to being exploded at then he’d run off if I stood my ground or didn’t just say sorry.
Also… he’d say I’d do it on purpose to make him angrier. And I wouldn’t but … why should I respect what you need when you’ve not respected what I need? If you want an hour to yourself communicate it nicely, don’t say horrid things then run off back home.

Dno if any of this makes sense but yeah

Im so confused about my breakup and I feel like im just an unloveable disgusting person.
Me and my ex argued a lot and we went on holiday and argued and then came back, had a small bicker and he decided he was done with me.
I don’t get it. I know he still cares about me because he says he does then everytime I say do you want me to go no contact he’s like well you can call me about this or text me about this (like call/text about any big things that happen to me)
I try to call about problems so we can solve them maybe solve them in the relationship and he just points all the blame on me. Having a go at me and saying he hated all these things about me that are just mundane, like me asking for pictures or me wanting to see him? It’s like I can just tell he’s deflecting and it’s so annoying.
I also don’t want to move on because I just know because I know him he’ll be hurt and it’ll give him a reason to hate me (which seems to be what he wants).
But he doesn’t hate me, so why is he so set on not getting back together? We’ll have normal conversations, he’ll ask about my new job and all this stuff then he’ll go abruptly, sometimes saying I’ll call you back later and he does sometimes just saying he has to go. I just don’t understand. I really really don’t understand why he won’t face his feelings cause I know it’s going to hurt him more in the long run and I don’t want him to be hurt?
I miss him so much and I hate him for giving up on me aswell. How am I meant to move on when I feel like stuff is unsaid and undone.
I don’t want him to be with anyone else either, feel like if I stop talking to him he’ll just go have s3x with a random girl then it will truly be over.
Another thing is he blamed me for all his financial troubles, saying I was after his money but I was just pushing him for a new job so we could go and do more stuff together as a couple and so he’d feel better about himself. Now he’s got the new job, I’ve said well done and he’s just left me before he started it. He’s going to take me being gone and money coming in as a justification for it all and I want to rip my hair out and d!e quite honestly.
Sorry it’s long it’s just so jarring not having a reason to completely hate him. He isn’t a shitty person and I know he loved/loves me he’s just got weird emotions and ADHD.

Me [21F] him [22M] we broke up a few days ago. We were arguing all the time etc the usual things people break up about. He thought I wasn’t being accommodating cause I used to crash out when he’d cancel or delay our plans, but I thought he wasn’t being accommodating because I’d plan my time around him on when he was free, and it really peeved me off when I’m planning my day around someone and making sure everything’s done and ready and I’m sorted so I can see him, just for him to come hours later or just cancel completely. I just think it’s so rude to waste someone’s time, also if we leave the plans till later in the day we can’t really do anything? Cause stuff is shut etc. Or we just didn’t have time. I remember crashing out about something and then he came and took me out but I just was like can’t you do this anyway without me having to throw a big emotional fit over it.

I take into account that I do have big emotions, I’m on the spectrum and changes of plans and times really gets to me… but I just think if I knew that about someone I would try to NOT set them off?

But anyway, we’ve broken up. Obviously I’m p!saws off and sad about it… but I wouldn’t say I’m sad like I’ve been over breakups before. I’m not crying or bed ridden, I’m kind of just? I don’t even know.
We’re still calling a bit about our days because the breakup was somewhat mutual (I would have just stayed and still tried to work it out idk).

What’s really pissing me off is him saying he broke it off because I’m selfish and stuff like that… but I’ve bought him a holiday (have to change the names on that now), got him new clothes, tried to work around his times. I did try and be cool about him changing plans last minute but it triggers me SO bad.

I dno what I even want from this. I feel bad I’m not that sad, feel like we shouldn’t be speaking but if we don’t I’ll actually be heartbroken and I can’t be bothered for it. I’m sad that he thinks I’m this annoying selfish person, and yes it’s annoying if your gf is crying all the time but… I’m only crying because of the actions?

Basically, am I a bad person for not being that sad, for being selfish as his said, or was it just not compatible and I have to get over that?