u/Strange_Study_2593

Disclaimer/Quick Summary: This post is a continuation of a situation I posted about previously, but I'm making it a separate post because it's a new situation and I'd like advice specifically on this part.

For anyone who hasn't seen my previous post, here's the short version:

I'm 15 and have been dating my boyfriend since April. A little while ago, my parents found out that we shared our first kiss. They were extremely upset, grounded me for two weeks, took away my phone, put strict limits on my phone, and told me my boyfriend and I would never be alone together again. They also accused us of sneaking around, said I had shattered their trust, and warned me not to be "inappropriate" with him again. To make things even more confusing, they had never actually told me kissing was against their rules before any of this happened.

I also added this update to my original post, but I wanted to make a separate post because what happened next is a different situation that I'd like opinions on.

The day after I got my phone back, my family invited my boyfriend to go swimming at our community pool.

Now, I thought this was odd considering I had just been ungrounded. But I figured maybe things are getting better.

I was told I would be swimming with my boyfriend. What I was not told was that my entire family would also be attending... along with two of my friends.

At the beginning, it was just me, my boyfriend, and my sister in the pool. Then my mom came over and stood near us for a while. A little later, my cousins arrived.

After that, every time my boyfriend and I were talking, it felt like my mom kept drifting closer to our area of the pool or watching us from nearby. Whether she intended it that way or not, I definitely felt like I was under surveillance.

Then my two friends arrived and the first thing they said was, "Why is your whole family here?"

To which I replied, "I honestly have no idea." Because I didn't.

Eventually my mom, my godmother, and my aunt all got into the pool too. Whenever they ended up close to us, we naturally moved somewhere else just to have a normal conversation.

At one point, one of my friends mentioned that she's bi. Since my family has very traditional views, I quietly suggested we move farther away because I was worried that if they overheard, my parents might not let me hang out with her anymore.

Even after we got out of the pool, I still felt like my mom was keeping a close eye on us.

On the ride home, my dad (who is admittedly the more relaxed parent) drove my boyfriend home.

Today, however, I learned something from my sister.

Apparently, the reason my entire family was invited to the pool in the first place was to make sure my boyfriend and I "acted appropriately."

To make matters even better, right before I left to meet him, my mom told me: "Now don't be inappropriate with him like last time."

For context, "last time" was... my first kiss. JUST A KISS

My parents discovered that my boyfriend and I kissed. Yes. A kiss.

As a result, I have had my phone and all electronics confiscated for two weeks, will now have strict phone limitations, and am apparently being issued a landline so I can still communicate with civilization once my screen time expires.

Additionally, my parents have declared that my boyfriend and I will never be alone together ever again and even accused us of kissing in my mom's car, which we did not do.

However, the accusations did not stop there.

I have also been accused of sneaking around and secretly kissing my boyfriend—or potentially doing more—despite there being absolutely no evidence of this. Apparently, one kiss has opened an entire criminal investigation.

I was then instructed to treat my boyfriend like a brother and never do anything so inappropriate ever again. I was informed that I have completely shattered their trust. According to my parents, the whole situation is entirely my fault because I should have simply said no and walked away. I would like to point out that this advice was delivered after the kiss had already happened. Evidently, I was supposed to terminate the situation with the reaction speed of a ninja.

My dad also hit me with, "I thought you had a level head on your shoulders."

Then my mom informed me that I should not be doing things like this until I am a grown adult because she would never have allowed my dad to do that to her.

I would once again like to remind everyone that my parents are married. Unless I have fundamentally misunderstood how marriage works, I am reasonably certain they have kissed at least once since their wedding day.

My mom also compared the situation to me hanging out with my friends and completely ignoring them because I was too busy kissing my boyfriend. This comparison confused me because the incident in question happened exactly one time.

I have also been informed that this could ruin my reputation. Again, the offense in question is one kiss.

To make matters even more confusing, my parents never actually had a rule about kissing. I was never told, "You cannot kiss while dating," or, "Kissing is against our rules." Had I known it would be viewed as such a serious issue, I would have at least known where the boundary was. Instead, it feels like I somehow broke a rule that I didn't know existed.

Hello again, Reddit. I was going to put this update on my original post, but that post appears to have been sacrificed to the algorithm. Therefore, I have returned with a standalone update because this saga continues and I require witnesses. So within it further ado, the update...

I went on my first kind-of solo date with my boyfriend today, and here's what happened.

My boyfriend told his parents about how mine won't let me go on solo dates, and apparently they decided to investigate this issue themselves. Their solution? A "family bowling event" that I was invited to.

Upon arrival, I discovered that his dad and sister had tagged along. However, they also proceeded to choose the bowling lane farthest away from us and essentially left us to our own devices. It was surprisingly refreshing to spend time with my boyfriend without feeling like I was participating in a supervised field trip.

Afterwards, we went to an arcade and then Barnes & Noble. His family only checked in when it was time to leave one place and go to the next. Other than that, we were on our own the entire time.

At Barnes & Noble, we each picked out books and built a small Lego set in the café. Overall, it was a great day.

Unfortunately, the peace did not survive my return home.

My mom brought up solo dates again and informed me that a family friend's daughter has a boyfriend and goes on all of her dates with adult supervision. For context, the daughter is eleven years old, so I wasn't entirely sure how that comparison was supposed to help her argument.

I sat there awkwardly while my mom continued explaining why she thinks supervision is necessary. My dad, meanwhile, contributed approximately zero words to the discussion.

My mom also keeps insisting that my boyfriend and I are "too young" despite the fact that we both attend a youth group together every Thursday, spend time together there without issues, and are only a few months away from driving.

So the situation remains largely unchanged, except now I know that my boyfriend's parents trust us more than mine do.

I (15 almost 16 F) have found myself in quite the debacle. Though one could even call it a predicament. I recently started dating my boyfriend back in early April, and since we got together so late in the school year, it’s been difficult to actually go on dates. So far, we’ve gone on two.

The first date was at a coffee shop, which would have been very nice if my mother and sister had not also attended. Now, to be fair, they did sit at another table… but said table was directly next to ours. So technically separate? Not so much.

For our second date, we went to a fair and, by some miracle, my parents did not trail behind us like undercover security guards. A win is a win.

Now that it’s summer, we naturally have more time to hang out. My family has met my boyfriend multiple times at this point. He even came to one of my recitals and received nothing but compliments from everyone, so it’s not as if they dislike him.

Now onto the current crisis.

My boyfriend and I wanted to make plans this week, and we decided he could come over and we’d watch a movie. Very innocent and very tame. So, of course, I asked my parents for permission.

The first thing out of my mother’s mouth was: “Without us?!”

Notice the punctuation I put there. It was not a question, it was a statement. An accusation, perhaps.

I shook my head because never once had I said or implied that. Though, admittedly, I was hoping to eventually mention wanting some alone time. Before I could even begin, my parents informed me that BOTH of them would need to be in the living room with us… along with my SISTER.

It seems that my romantic movie night had somehow evolved into a family viewing experience.

Then, when I asked again last night about planning a date this week, they rearranged the entire thing and suggested a family outing instead.

Not just my family. But both of our families.

Now, yes, I would love to meet his family. That sounds lovely. However, this originally started as a date between two people, not a diplomatic summit between households.

As of today, I tried having a mature conversation with my mom about possibly being allowed to go on dates alone. Immediately, she said no. There was no pause nor thought. Just: no.

She said we’re too young and still need adult supervision at all times despite the fact that we’re both only a few months away from being able to drive.

I had an entire speech prepared with points, counterpoints, and even evidence. Yet the conversation was shut down before I even got the chance.

So Reddit… what should I do? I’ve tried every piece of advice I can think of at this point, and I’m beginning to suspect my dating life may require government approval. 

EDIT: This is not only for dates, this is with friend hangouts too. Even when I have a sleepover with my best friend of 7 years at her house, ​she stays overnight with us