u/StrawberryDr3amz

My life has been really stable lately, I’m doing really well at work and I’ve actually been able to achieve so many big goals because I’ve managed my bipolar symptoms so well. Apart from a short manic episode in May which was managed in hospital, things have been stable and I’m honestly so bored of it.

I find myself absolutely CRAVING the euphoric rush of mania and all of the chaos it brings. It’s a drug to me. I just want to throw away my responsibilities, go off my meds and let mania take over so I can finally have some fun. It’s all I can think about.

Obviously these episodes are actually very damaging and I end up psychotic and involuntarily hospitalised, but I’m finding that I am absolutely desperate for that manic feeling again despite it all.

Does this go away? How do I satisfy this itch? It’s a primal urge I can’t seem to get rid of.

I’ve started running after a long time out of practice, and since I’ve started I’ve been so incredibly elevated and experiencing a LOT of hypomanic symptoms. The only thing that’s changed in my routine is that I’ve started running…. It makes me feel unstoppable and invincible and on top of the world, not just when I’m running but all the time….

I haven’t found much online, just some talk about how it increases endorphins which could link with mania. I did have a manic/psychotic episode two months ago too.

Has anyone else experienced this?????? Would love to know!!