u/StrictParty6613

I have a 110 gallon pond for my goldfish, parameters at bottom, and a 55 I'm not crazy about, the only fish in the 55 currently are three 6 inch dojo loaches and I'm considering moving them into the pond so I can strip the tank down and start over from scratch or maybe sell the 55 to get something bigger. My main concern is the loaches escaping.

Have you ever kept a DL in an open tank? There's about a 3-4 inch air gap between the water level and the rim of the tank, is that enough to stop them jumping out?

The pond probably won't be their forever home since I like having them up where I can see them, but would it be ok for a year or two maximum?

Goldfish pond parameters:

110 gallons

5 common goldfish (very temporarily under 4 inches)

No heater but it's indoors and stays between 68-72 depending on ambient temps

Sand substrate with hard decor and hair algae growing in since commons and real plants don't really mix.

Ammonia/ Nitrate/Nitrites are consistently 0, pH sits at 7.6

Higher than average flow due to the filter set up but nothing too extreme.

This is not a problem except for when we're traveling, which I don't do often. She'll just hold it until she physically can't anymore and go wherever we are at that moment. I take her to the park daily for walks and a dog pub weekly so she can socialize and she won't potty there either.

While we were traveling I took her to the dog park and outside into the Airbnb's yard, and she just wouldn't go even though it was clear she wanted to. After she had an accident inside the BNB I moved it out to the yard to try and show her it was ok to potty there but it didn't work. Do y'all have any tips on teaching her where it's ok to go?

A mutual friend introduced me to a guy, Jack, a few weeks ago. He and I have been on like four pretty low-key dates while we figured each other out and spent a decent amount of time at each other's places. Ok, it's not been some high emotion whirlwind romance.

A few days ago my older cousin asked me to take a couple of goldfish her sons had won at a carnival off her hands because she really didn't want to have to explain pet death to a pair of preschoolers when the fish died. I already have a large collection of fish and aquariums, there's approximately the weight of a Toyota Corolla worth of water in my home, so I was the obvious choice.

Goldfish get 10+ inches long and can live up to 40 years if you care for them right, which, since I really like fish, and since I Also do not want to explain pet death to a pair preschoolers means these fish needed a full on pond to grow into. I got it set up, everythings fine and dandy, Until Jack comes over.

The pond is built out of a 110 gallon stock tank, and it is in my living room because why not. I own this place and renovated it myself. Everything is water proofed because this fish hobby is just part of my personality, so it's not like the pond will damage anything even in a worst case scenario.

Jack sees this, and he thinks it's weird but in line with what he already knows about me Until he finds out it's for carnival goldfish. He thinks it's ridiculous and wasteful to invest this much space and money into "that kind of fish." (roughly 200 dollars total since I already had most of the equipment on hand, 150 of which was paid for by my cousin via cashapp even after I told her she didn't have to pay anything, meaning I've only spent about 50$ on this entire situation.) When I asked what it was about the goldfish that made them less deserving of care than any of my other much more expensive fish, which Jack had previously admired, he didn't give a clear answer other than that they just aren't.

He claimed that it was a sign of being reckless with money, and other similar crap and he wanted to get more serious with me so this level of "impulse spending" (again, I spent 50$ on this and make decent enough money) was concerning to him. I explained the money situation, he didn't care, and it seemed like at this point it was less a concern over the money and more him just needing to be right.

I got annoyed and told him it seemed like we had different priorities in life and he should probably leave now, as I just do not have the patience for people talking to me like that and I do believe how someone treats the most worthless or hated animals is a general indicator of how they treat everything. Since how they treat the lowest is generally what they consider to be the bare minimum amount of care and respect they owe the world around them and believing there's animals who deserve to die suffocating on their own waste or from their organs outgrowing their bodies due to negligent care is just a massive no go for me. Jack is also a fish guy, so he does know about stunting and gill rot and the like, he doesn't have an excuse.

Jack was not happy, there was an argument, I kicked him out and told him to lose my number.

This happened a few hours ago and our mutual friend as well as a few others in our shared circle have reached out to say this is a dumb reason to dump someone "who is that into you". I didn't tell them about the break up so I think he has or something.

Again, we've known each other for a single digit number of weeks. and have been officially dating for less than a month. He's neat, I liked him well enough, he'd make a wonderful partner for someone else, but telling me I care too much about my pets before you even know whens my birthday is just too much.

AITA for dumping a guy over some fish?

Edit: Thank you all for the input! I can be pretty callous/heartless when it comes to other people and romantic situations especially due to just not being great at emotions, a fact my friends know about me, so it was really helpful to get some outside perspective on what "normal" was.

Additional details because I've gotten space and want to be bitchy now: We're both guys, I'm 25, he's 50 something. I intentionally did not include the age gap because I knew it would bias things. My friend connected us because he knew I only date guys who are 40+ because why not. I like a silver fox almost as much as I like fish. Most of my friend group is also older because bluntly this hobby favors people who have had time to accrue wealth and have little else going on in their lives. So I think some of their reactions were pity for Jack losing out on a hot guy half his age with the same interests and who was sexually into him. I pursued Jack, not the other way around. He's not a creep for returning another adults interest. He's a shit for Other reasons.

Also, I have been skinny dipping in Jack's 5kish gallon koi pond with him. Man is also Really into fish. Just pissy about goldfish specifically. He was trying to be controlling and condescending.

Thank y'all!

edit 2, this one's entirely about the semantics and cost of fish care, only read if you give a shit about the semantics and cost of fish care:

A few people have suggested I could have graduated the goldfish up to a pond to save money and that is like, a laughably bad suggestion because of how much more expensive and effort intense it would've been.

The smallest grow out tank for these five goldfish (3 from my cousins and 2 that I added to allow for healthy schooling behavior) is a 40 breeder. I do not have a 40 breeder. There is not one available on Facebook marketplace or Craigslist within two hours of me. (because trust me, the pond was the Last thing I thought about after trying to math out every other idea)

To buy a 40g breeder new I'd need to spend 10$ on gas to just get to a pet store and back, another 150-200$ to buy the tank, (or about 70 to get a smaller stock tank in that size range, no clue if I could find one of those in town though. The tractor supply only had 100g+ tanks in stock when I got this one) probably about 20 on the wood to build a stand, since you can't just put a tank on a floor like mine, you'll crack it, plus a day to build it, and like 50$ on a filter strong enough to deal with that much waste. and then like 30 on all the substrate and decor, so, Bare Minimum assuming I still use a stock tank instead of an aquarium is 150$, and I'd have to upgrade them to a 75 at minimum in six months. To get a proper 40 gallon tank it'd be 260$ And I'd still need to upgrade them in six months to a bigger and more expensive tank, which I Also don't have the tank, filter, or stand for.

I already had the canister filter and pump for a pond on hand from a previous build at my folks place. All I needed to buy for the 110 pond were the tank(130$) and the decor (bout 50$). I'll never have to upgrade them and it took 30 mins to put together.

And ya wanna know something fun? If all these fish die tomorrow, I'd still have a kick ass pond I can put something else in. none of this is a one use thing like some of y'all seem to think. And bluntly, it's something I would've done eventually anyways. I already reinforced the floor to accommodate that much weight in multiple places.

I like fish and I make the kind of money and live the kind of life that means I'm putting more in savings than I'm spending in a year. 50$ is Not a big deal for me.

anyways to everyone who says the goldfish aren't worth it: 1, I hope no one ever treats you like you treat the little creatures in your life. and 2, you're literally letting a price tag tell you how much you should care about something, which is like, cringe.

I have a five month old female rottweiler puppy. She's an angel and a saint. She doesn't have accidents in her crate at night, she usually very politely asks to go out by standing by the door or ringing the bells I have hanging off the nob, but sometimes if I leave the room to go to the bathroom myself or go get something from the car or whatever she will cry a lot and then have an accident in the <5 minutes I'm gone. How long it's been since she last went out doesn't seem to matter that much.

It's not every time and I think it has to do with me leaving the room when she's already excited about something like the cat getting the zoomies or dinner cooking or just general puppy zest for life. She knows this is not acceptable behavior because she acts really guilty and will put herself in her crate which she normally doesn't go into without prompting (I think this is because I have previously made her go in her crate while I cleaned up after her because she likes to drink soapy mop bucket water and I do not want her to do that.)

Our vet has already cleared her of any UTI or other medical causes for this and believes it is a behavioral thing.

Do you all have any suggestions on how to curb this behavior? Keep in mind I'm the only human in this house so I don't have anyone to help me with this sort of thing on the daily.