u/Striking-Purple7687

I am looking for advice regarding a situation my mum is in.

She lives with a controlling man, but not outright abusive in the typical sense. He doesn't allow her to use the household as if it is where she lives.

Some random examples or the type of controlling;

• He times her showers and goes in to check she hasn't moved the thermostat for it.
• In the dead of winter he turns the heating on for when he wakes, but my mum goes to work 2 hours before he does and he has banned her from turning it on earlier for herself.
• She has had to give up her favourite pastime (gardening) as he wouldn't allow her to water her plants in the garden. Meanwhile he set up an irrigation system for his own.
• He does not allow her to use fans even in the recent heatwave.
• Probably a given, but of course he does non of the cooking or cleaning. Even when my mum had a major operation and was told to do nothing for 2 months he never once did a single thing to help. He still made her do the cooking and cleaning as he believes she should have to.

This is just some examples off the top of my head, but there are more. Needless to say she wants out. His behaviour is slowly escalating over the years. However she does not earn enough to be accepted for even studio flats, but is not in a bad enough situation to be even considered for council housing. Her situation with her ex-partner isn't bad enough for domestic abuse places to help either.

The landlords won't take in to account she would be eligible for rent help from the government and thus would be able to afford it. So that doesn't work.

I have of course offered her a room in our house, but she doesn't want to 'put us out', no matter how much I reassure her it is fine.

Even if I could put down a deposit for her on a studio flat to buy, I wouldn't be able to afford the buildings/mortgage/household maintenance on top of our own house and she would be unable to either.

I am seriously worried. She feels stuck and it is starting to effect her. I also worry her partner is one of those people who will one day snap and hurt her seriously.

I'd be grateful for any advice in this situation.

I am looking for advice regarding a situation my mum is in.

She lives with a controlling man, but not outright abusive in the typical sense. He doesn't allow her to use the household as if it is where she lives.

Some random examples or the type of controlling;

• He times her showers and goes in to check she hasn't moved the thermostat for it.
• In the dead of winter he turns the heating on for when he wakes, but my mum goes to work 2 hours before he does and he has banned her from turning it on earlier for herself.
• She has had to give up her favourite pastime (gardening) as he wouldn't allow her to water her plants in the garden. Meanwhile he set up an irrigation system for his own.
• He does not allow her to use fans even in the recent heatwave.
• Probably a given, but of course he does non of the cooking or cleaning. Even when my mum had a major operation and was told to do nothing for 2 months he never once did a single thing to help. He still made her do the cooking and cleaning as he believes she should have to.

This is just some examples off the top of my head, but there are more. Needless to say she wants out. His behaviour is slowly escalating over the years. However she does not earn enough to be accepted for even studio flats, but is not in a bad enough situation to be even considered for council housing. Her situation with her ex-partner isn't bad enough for domestic abuse places to help either.

The landlords won't take in to account she would be eligible for rent help from the government and thus would be able to afford it. So that doesn't work.

I have of course offered her a room in our house, but she doesn't want to 'put us out', no matter how much I reassure her it is fine.

Even if I could put down a deposit for her on a studio flat to buy, I wouldn't be able to afford the buildings/mortgage/household maintenance on top of our own house and she would be unable to either.

I am seriously worried. She feels stuck and it is starting to effect her. I also worry her partner is one of those people who will one day snap and hurt her seriously.

I'd be grateful for any advice in this situation.

It has been a while since I posted about our LOs sleep and thought I'd share our progress. Here is part one.

Still wouldn't call this a success story as their sleep changes so often. LO starts nursery soon so who knows what will happen with that!

This is approximately from age 1 to 2.

We continued the basics. No flashy toys/screens 1-2 hours before bed. Bedtime routine (supper, bath, milk, teeth, story and bed). We continued the graduated calming method of our previous method.

My biggest tip for toddlers has been that if there is a sudden change they are probably telling you what the issue is - you just have to figure it out!

• For example not long after my previous post (I must have jinxed myself!) we had a bit of a regression that seemed to be associated with increased clinginess in the day. She was going through a separation anxiety phase. So we had an extra snuggle before bed. Plus when we went in for calming we snuggled her an extra little bit. Not to sleep but enough to give her reassurance. Within a week we were back to status quo!
• Another is she suddenly started crying as soon as it went dark (we closed the door). This coincided with her suddenly becoming afraid to enter dimly lit rooms after previous not caring. Thus we tried a dim red light night. Instantly her sleep went back to normal.
• She kept running to the end of her cot the moment we were leaving and waking herself up by hitting the edged of the cot. So we moved to a toddler bed. Instantly her sleep improved and we had a very happy tot once she saw her big girl bed!
• She dropped down to one nap at approximately 13 months as she was showing all the signs she was ready. I think it is important to remember your baby may not be following the guidelines. We had learnt this lesson in the 3 to 2 nap drop.
• She went from happily letting us clean her teeth to crying at certain parts. We realised those teeth were painful and coming through. Thus gave her pain relief and she was much happier and slept better.

I am sure there are many more examples and please let me know your own tips and tricks with toddlers.

On a very positive note we have noticed that she has become more flexible with her sleep since about 14 months. One late nap or having to cut one nap short to 1 hour no longer causes days of terrible night sleep. We have to stick to her schedule overall but she seems much more adaptable.

She now has access to a few books so if she isn't ready for bed when we put her down or wakes early then she knows just to grab a book and read for a bit.

For context she currently has one 2 hour nap in the middle of the day. We gradually cut this down based on her night sleep and this seems to be about right for now.