Does anyone have any advice for making communication easier? Its something i struggle with as im severe and also autistic, brain fog is really bad and i just shut people out bc i shutdown trying to talk even over text. Advice, resources or just your experience in general is helpful!
I think im too tired for it all. I cant communicate my needs without spiralling or shutting down, because im too sick to. I am trying to get better at it but i cant win against these symptoms
Seeing pictures of myself is just really hard and idk if anyone else experiences this, i physically cant look at pictures of myself i think i just dissociate… im tired and it shows and i cant take care of myself and im exhausted of trying to live up to starndards
Am i the only one? I feel like caffeine is a lot subtler than adhd stimulant meds which maybe is why its easier on my body. But it could be just that im more used to it, and its more enjoyable to have a caffeine drink than a pill. Idk, thoughts?
Im mostly bedbound so i cant just get moving or stay off my phone or anything like that, how do you all cope with this symptom?
Im rotting (my body is just getting worse and worse) but also rotting - my clothes are disgusting, ingredients i cant prep went bad, rarely take trash out, laundry piles up and stinks etc. This is even with spraying disinfectant. I cant shower and even wiping down is physically painful. My sheets are disgusting, even if i clean one thing it just gets dirty again from the other unclean things.
As a kid even before ME (but i was autistic adhd with EDS) i was made fun of / constantly told i smelled bad. I tried so hard to keep on top of it but now i cant, its even worse. I dont qualify for any support and i cant tolerate being around anyone. I hate this
Its weird bc sometimes i find it realy relaxing but today i got about 5 mins in and just had to switch it off i felt so panicked like unable to breathe. Maybe i just cant tolerate being in my body right now?
Im just feeling this heaviness today. Sometimes i feel like the reason for all my failed connections with people is 100% because of me as a person / my illness.
But ive been treated so awfully, gaslit, resented, doubted, controlled, that it hurts to know that at least once i shouldve received an apology for something. I cant have always been in the wrong. Its so much easier to believe i was in the wrong that to spend my precious energy fighting.. but i think i just want someone, anyone to be sorry for how they treated me especially as i get more severe.
Any sort of rejection or shift in someones tone just makes it feel like im burning up. Its very intense and i dont know what to do about it as im mostly bedbound
Not looking for help understanding it
I just think my condition is too unpredictable that it doesnt really add up to reflect my severity or help me in any way. And its triggering pem to try and understand it and fill it out. Anyone else? I feel like im failing for not wanting to do this
Its either working on job skills or trying to sell things or fundraise.. im in a better position than most it just is soul crushing to not even get to spend much energy on anything actually fulfilling
Even watching tutorials this is gonna hurt me, give me PEM or a migraine probably.. but i just want to learn something i want to DO something and nothing i do ever feels like enough even though im grateful for what i have. It just hurts seing all this incredible art work and self expression online and communities built around hobbies... but i will never get to do that and its just setting in that i will never get to do that. I will never get to do anything creative like i want even with adaptations. Im trying to be okay with it but its so hard. I want to write stories, make characters, run, lift weights, dance, dream, love, go out, dress in cute outfits, go to protests, volunteer anything... but i cant.
And i have to be live with that, but im not okay, and my life feels so hollow.
And everyone just has a countdown timer of when it gets too much, how long until theres nothing worth sticking around for. How long until theres nothing to gain being around me. Im sick of feeling so woe is me but i literally cant do anything. Its so hard and i dont know what to do anymore. Being able to scribble on my phone for a few minutes is something im grateful for but no one really understands or ever acts like thats enough. So many hobbies are based around the same perfectionism thats killing me. Idk what the point of this is im just tired and im not sure acceptance is even bringing me any peace or solutions
Im set on stopping testosterone. I dont like how it makes me feel or think, i know its not the same for others on T but ive changed a lot and reflected and i dont think this is what i want. I think i just want to be someone who is respected and not objectified, and living as a man helped that to some extent. But it makes me so scared and paranoid, im tired of the hiding. The fear, the self abandonment and suppression just to stay safe and keep housing. But also now where i live ive been stealth for years and any detransitioning will be met with misdirected trans-misogyny as people are still transphobic and will see me as a trans woman. I have no idea how to navigate that.
Manhood is just not something that makes me who i want to be but i dont know how to leave or be safe or anything after that though. Im already disabled and can barely take care of myself so its really hard to know how to handle situations without shutting down. i
So i feel like id have to move places, but thats also too hard and also scary and expensive. I cant deal with people anymore i just have so little capacity. Ugh i dont even know what im saying anymore though. Thanks for reading and lmk your thoughts or expeirences pls
because my regular mood stabilisers are so expensive i have to (at least temporarily) use antipsychotics (seroquel) to stabilise my mood as theyre much cheaper. I hate it because they make me so much more fatigued during the day and i feel exhausted and foggy
Its working on my mood like my regular meds, but fuck i feel like im gonna pass out. If i was just able to work i wouldnt have this issue of having to use the cheaper option
Anyone else have to do this/similar?? How do you manage?
Basically what it says in the title. Maybe i have the capacity to do these instead of therapy. Journal prompts also welcome, Thanks!
Idk if this is the right place to ask but i was wondering if anyone who had been on T solely, then started fin and saw any changes (either to fat distribution, hair/hairline, or body hair? If so, what dose and how long on it til u noticed anything?
At what dose/frequency? Im kind of hoping to get some curves back without stopping T, maybe some reversal of thinned hair too. How long did it take to notice any changes if you took it?
So im technically even if im not a trans guy, im still trans nonbinary + im also a woman. But i feel like being a trans guy was just the strongest way to get them to address my identity. Because they take nonbinary even less seriously than binary trans people. For everything i went through i want them to see a trans guy and stew im their hate, so i feel unable to stop committing to being a stealth guy. Its not unbearable but i miss being feminine sometimes, it will just always be used against me to invalidate.
Trying to cut off all these people butthe feeling that i cant detransition or be more fem or else i was ”stupid” or “brainwashed” into being trans has stuck around. I dont want them to ever get their daughter back yknow? They seriously put me through hell for transitioning, so i cant let them have their way. But i still want femininity i think.
Anyone else have this or similar?
Idk every few weeks or months i get to go outside for a little bit, nothing crazy just maybe the shops or the end of my driveway. i know i should be grateful and happy that im not in bed anymore but i just feel dread and anxiety and dissociation because i know i always feel shit after.
It would be enjoyable and the weather would be nice enough that id appreciate it. But i just hate it, my bed is my home. Im only meant to be in bed so everything else feels wrong. I always need to get back asap whenever i leave bed
Its so bad, mainly i cant stop thinking of all the ways i could explain myself or communicate to fix misunderstandings of people who checked out of my life already. Thinking i wish i could reconnect and just try everything finding the right words and be understood. But that would be so pointless and i know its rumination so i just need it to stop. Any ideas?