people usually says that "actions speaks louder than words" but as INFPs
we care alot about words, even our love language is words of affections
and personally i think words matters alot you should take your time before saying something because words can pierce someone's heart (which i have faced in past)
so i wanna know your take on this topic (opinions of all MBTI are welcomed)
again i might be overthinking all of this stuff but idk i need opinions about my sitatuion
introduction and back story:- im an INFP male and i had a huge crush on my classmate (ISFP female)
she had been my classmate (and crush) for two years and in the last two years we almost never talked (mb TwT)
, right after graduating from school (28th march), i confessed how much i love her (on ig, well it was a novel sized message, with a flower bouquet doodle)
but she rejected me (TwT)
important side event :-
i had been trying to find way to spent more time with her (in groups) right before school was supposed to over, and i kinda used one of my friend (ENTP), (he didnt knew about all of it because he was the worst friend one could possibly have (due to many reason), i never told him because im very secretive and as i said he wasnt a friend i would willingly tell about my first crush, YET, i gave many hints, like i genuinely always talked about her, and he knew that i had a crush on someone, he knew i had hard time talking to her)
so this guy went on a date with her (that day was the darkest day of my life, just a day before the day i had planned to confessed), i still confessed to her
for a fact, her does not genuinely like her, he is just one of those who needs a girlfriend
he always used to say me he needs a girlfriend and he once even cracked a sexual joke about her with his other friends
**he was an old friend but from last 2 years he used me alot, he chose his new friends (we were friends from our previous school and he asked me to join this school saying "he is alone" but when i joined, he made new friends and started neglecting me) i stayed because i forgive people easily till its a lot**
after confessing, i unfollowed him and silently broke my friendship
but she told about him, on the same night he came to me saying sorry, but we had a big argument during that time he told be that she is also reading the chat
she read a bit of the chat (or maybe the whole thing im not sure)
back to the main story:-
it was getting really difficult for me so after around two days i messaged her again, casually
we talked for hours
and see here is the thing, he is NOT a good person to be with and she also faced issues after she brokeup from her first boyfriend
so i told her about the s*xual joke he made
she felt really down, and confronted him, but he denied.
i rementioned this thing various times (one day i had argument with him and i also confronted him, he denied and i told her about this event)
i started talking a lot, like really a lot
we shared reels (like really weird ones)
she started asking me personal questions and so do i
we talked about dreams, bucketlists etc
she once said she likes people who can play guitar (she knew im learning guitar), who are smart and knowledgeable (she used to call me knowledgeable)
i mentioned how movies sometimes make me cry and she responded with"it is kinda "cute" that a guy is accepting it "
i would wake up (she is an early bird) with spammed reels, while i'll spam reels before sleeping (night owl)
she would tell me about random things that happened to her
once i was around my guests (i told her) and took time replying to her to which she sent a reel stating that im ignoring her, i apologized to which she said she was joking (i actually felt that she enjoys talking to me)
and i also started sharing my secrets with her (apart from her, i only share my secrets with my best friend (INFJ male))
i also told everything i noticed about her in last two years like all the dresses she wore apart from uniform (it was kinda creepy but never creeped her out)
i played minecraft with her on two random day (my favorite game but she barely know how to play) and one day she asked from her side to play minecraft
we also play mlbb(her favorite) together and she also used to message me asking if i wanna play
she told me about random event from past two years related to us
like once she asked if i blush easily, and after that she told a story how once we both created eye contact multiple times in a row and i immediately broke them everytime which made her kinda blush or that once we were playing games in a group and we both shouted the same thing together and that she always found it weird that i had hard time talking to her and kinda ignored her while i easily talked to other girls
she used to act weird around me and said she find it comfortable that she can act weird around me (i used to match her energy)
things were going good and i thought maybe i might have chances in future
but than one day she said she would be busy with household works
but after than she started messaging lesser and lesser
now here is the thing,
(as a overthinker there is a really high probability that i might be overthinking everything )
she is active on instagram (im not sure if it is in background or what)
unlike earlier, she takes time to reply (she also started keeping notifications off, thats what she told me)
dry replies
her messages used to be energetic but no more
i dont wake up with spammed reels
she no more askes to play mlbb (though we still play if we both are online at the same time)
she does not askes questions anymore
Earlier when ever i asked some questions she would always reply with "wbu" but now she sometimes doesnt
she no more shares about random things like she used to
like its not at all what it used to be
here are my speculation:-
again i might be overthinking all of this stuff
they are still in contact and play mlbb, not sure if they talk or not (i tried a lot to warn her about the type of person he is but well, i failed)
maybe it has something to do with that
maybe she started to think im boring (im very philosophical and talks a lot about stuff like mbti which she is not interested in)
and i kinda did what she did but multiplied, like asking questions and all
whenever she was busy i used to tell her that its fine we can talk later and that she does not immediately have to reply to me if she is busy (see ik im crying about what i asked her to do, but i never asked her to reply with dry texts, and not to constantly ignore me)
though im romantic, can write poems (also showed poems i wrote about her), send flower reels but i dont have that stupid thing people call "rizz"
im just a cute (actions, not lookwise), "chalant", deep in love, romantic kinda person
maybe i flirted a bit too much:- like sharing about how i felt about her in moments, sharing flirty reels (earlier i asked for permission saying that it might be weird but she said its fine) and always replied with "awwwww" or "thank youu ^^" or those flower reels
she still replies the same but a bit dry
im kinda overdid my traumadump and maybe she thinks im just a depressed lifeless dude
im kinda clingy and ik that ISFPs are very independent kind of people, maybe she didnt not like clingy nature of mine (im very independent but i want a person i can be emotinally dependent on, i can do my chores and stuff, and can be a dependable person just i wanna be assured that i have someone)
or maybe she found something about me really weird
(one day i randomly asked if she would like to watch a movie online, (i'll watch from my home while she will from hers) and asked her to pick a movie and lemme know whenever she can, to which she replied with joy and said it will be fun, but she didnt talked about it again and i had to mention it that if we can watch movie after her exam (she had one a few days ago) she said that she forgot to choose a movie and that she will)
im kinda of a person who need validation
so i directly asked once if everything is alright and she said she is really tired of all those household stuff and all
and i asked if i did something weird she replied with "NOOOOOOOO"
this was the first time in a while when she didnt dry replied and actually typed a lot, following it we had a conversation about things and i wasnt the only one who was talking she also mentioned that she tried to find a movie but couldnt
(its been almost 6 days but she didnt mentioned it again)
i also said reels as jokes stating "sorry to message you" ik a risky move but that had funny backgrounds
she used to send her artworks (we both enjoy art) but no more to which i asked if she had been drawing these days and she said no
she also said she is usually always surrounded by her family members now a days (she is not allowed to use instagram) and that it would be the same until she gets admission in a college
well the thing im most scared about is that, ik most ISFP silently distance themselves if the find something weird about someone and might never like them back
so i wanna know opinions if its me who did something wrong or is she is actually busy rn and im just overthinking btw she lied to me once which i caught and mentioned,( it was that we were playing mlbb while she invited another person saying they are her's online friend, which i realized that he is that friend of mine, she is kind of a person who might try to not leave someone alone so maybe she did this, but a lie is a lie)
so there is a high chances that she might be lying about a few things
its midnight and i hope i will wake up to reel spam (i didnt spammed reels though i asked a question after she slept and hope i wont woke up to just a dry reply)
note:- i might have made it sound worse than it actually she still sometimes shares new and funny stickers btw
also im thinking to propose her (earlier it was just a confession) in the coming future (not sure when though) and i need suggestions related to it
GREETINGS FELLOW INFPs!
im 19M and going through hard times
a few days ago i could sleep so i starting thinking about my childhood, until that day i didnt realised how hard my childhood was
i summarized it and dont have anyone to share with so here it is
i feel optional:- whether class 1st or 11th my friends had always chosen new and interesting people over the boring me
i can not love twice:- people arent optional for me like im for them, i cant divide my live, ever since my dog died i didnt allowed my family to get another pet because ik i just cant live him or her
i talk a lot:- not because i actually loves talking but since my childhood i have always felt like someone who's view doesnt matter, because people actually never cared about whatever i spoke, whenever i feel comfortable with someone whenever i feel someone is actually listening i just starts talking a lot
i overthink a lot:- because people actually dont love talking to me, i devoloped this tendency of talking to myself which later turned into overthinking
im boring:- people have never talked to me so how the hell am i supposed to know what to talk about, i just talk about the stuff which i discuss to myself|
im kind:- i just dont want people to feel what i felt so i take extra care
i say sorry a lot:- im scared of hurting people, so i say sorry a lot sometimes before actually doing something
i need reassurance:- im very insecure, im just to scared to hurt people
im secretive
i dont like talking about my problems:- people has always made fun of my problems or termed them as "choti baat" so i stopped sharing my problems
i cry alone:- whenever i cried people said "choti choti batto pei kon rotta hai"
i have trust issues:- i've been lied to a lot, people broke there promises i just dont know how to trust people
im a perfectionist:- im too scared of making mistakes
i dont usually show my drawings to people because i've heard "if you can draw than why cant you study"
i find comfort in saddness and romantisizes pain:- for most of the part in my life, my friends never chose me, people called me boring, i have faced proper bulling, people called me weird, non generic etc, my friends never supported me or stood for me, people made fun of my secrets, feelings, pains
because of all this i have never been genuinly happy atleast not since i remember, i have faced pain and am used to it so yeah i found comfort in it and romantisizes pain because thats all i have felt
and i hear sad songs because thats all i can relate to, i can only relate to "i dont want the world to see me, cause i dont think they'd understand", "i wish i was special, so f*cking special but im a creep, im a weirdo, wth am doing here, i dont belong here", "in the kitchen, one more chair than you need"
"i drive all night to keep her warm and time is frozen"
its not like i have never tried to be happy, but nothing worked out and i genuinly dont know how to find happiness, its not something i can do
im not immature nor i really like acting immature
just when i was supposed to i couldnt, so i do it now
(thanks a lot if you read everything, it genuinely means a lot to me i might rant more about my life in future ^^)