u/Successful-Big-1538

I (21m) am in therapy for many mental illnesses and diagnosis (major depressive disorder, anxiety, chronic suicidal ideation, cptsd, asd, auditory and visual hallucinations, dissociation, anorexia and psychosis) and have been seeing my current therapist since September/October 2025.
Whenever we are talking about my cptsd, dissociation, hallucinations (mainly auditory) and paranoia, my therapist always talks about them like they are passengers on a bus and I’m a bus driver. Then she will show me a video about the bus and passengers (the videos are animated and kinda funny/cringe with very annoying background music). I understand some parts of it in a therapy sense but I still wonder the whole meaning of it.
Is it that my therapist is trying to tell me she wants to be a bus driver or is secretly a bus driver? Or does she like buses or maybe she’s a bus driving therapist?

(I’m aware this may sound very stupid but I’m seriously wondering about this. Also I’m on mobile so I’m sorry about any layout issues or typing issues!!)

I have been diagnosed with a lot of mental health illness including but not only major depression, anxiety, c-ptsd and agoraphobia. I struggle with everything daily and struggle majorly with the symptoms of these. I am also neurodivergent and have some physical disabilities and illnesses. I have weekly therapy and spend most of my time in my room, I only leave my house if I’m with my mum and even then it’s rarely.

My therapist has recommended trying to find something like a hobby. I play on my switch, draw sometimes, try and read, make friendship bracelets and listen to music. Before my mental health got really bad I used to do crafts but I don’t remember much of it. I am slow at doing things but willing to try anything new. If anyone has any hobby suggestions that can be done in my room and give me some distraction during the days I would greatly appreciate it!

Sending love to all 💜

(I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m on mobile and I struggle to explain things)

Edit: Sorry I struggle to reply to people but thank you everyone, each suggestion means so much and I’ll be looking into each of them all! Thank you again

I 21M (trans guy) was abused from pretty much birth until I was 16. I dealt with emotional/physical/psychological/financial abuse, religious trauma, coercion, sa, cocsa, neglect and more by family/family friends, peers, authority figures and strangers. I have cPTSD and struggle with intense and constant hallucinations, paranoia and dissociation/derealisation. I also have major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety and chronic SI/SH.
I can’t stop thinking that maybe I did something to deserve the abuse, maybe somehow even though I was a baby/child/teenager I did something to make it happen? It’s been something I’ve always questioned. Or could I have stopped it? I talk with my therapist about this, she says none of it was my fault. She’s never lied to me or given me a reason to doubt what she said but what if this time she is lying? What if it was my fault? She knows the extent of my trauma/abuse in detail and still denies it was my fault. But I just feel it was my fault. I also feel immense guilt, shame and disgust.

(Sorry if this is all rambled, I struggle with wording things and my brain is all rambled. I’m also on mobile and struggle to type on here.)