u/Sudden-Humor7144

I’m not even sure why I’m typing this. I can’t find the opiate recovery page anymore so I’m here now.

I’m 30F UK and last year I entered treatment for an 8 year Opiate dependency. I worked SO hard on my self, I was SO sick for so long and I spent 4 months in rehab and now another 3 months in an aftercare programme.

I relapsed after 9 months and 9 days clean, not because of some big catastrophic event, because I just needed a break from the noise. I let myself slip. I got my break but it lasted for 12 days.

I stopped 6 days ago. I want more than anything to go back to how I was in early recovery, I had such confidence, excitement for life and joy.

I feel like such a massive failure, a let down to everyone around me and I’m likely about to lose my partner because of this. He’s also in recovery, from a different substance but I can’t risk endangering him in anyway. His safety is my priority.

I don’t know the point of typing this. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not into NA meetings. I’ve been in treatment for so long I just didn’t expect this.

(27F) In a relationship I absolutely lose myself and my mind.

I purposely didn’t have a relationship for 4 years, because each time I did, I would become obsessive, possessive and jealous. It would ruin me.

I’ve recently begun a new relationship, we’re about 5 months in. I have obsessive thoughts about them cheating on me, lying to me and I really want to cut them off completely because it occupies my brain constantly.

They haven’t done anything wrong or ever lied to me. I’ve been treated incredibly badly in the past and diagnosed EUPD and CPTSD.

I just want to know how to cope, how to not obsess over these thoughts and have a healthy non jealous/anxious mindset?