u/Suniko_babygirl

For everyone who's age 24+ who's currently in nursing school or will be in nursing school for 2+ years......what motivated you to start nursing school in your twenties? I'm 24 and I want to get my rn but there's a negative voice in my mind telling me that I'm too old and I'm way behind🥺

EDIT: I really do appreciate all the motivating words! You guys have no idea how beautifully your words have affected me 🥹💕 brought me to tears!!

I never thought I would ever say something like this, but I think it's time for me to somehow force myself to stop age regressing. I'm 24, and for most of my life, age regression has been a coping mechanism for me. It's been my safe space. It's been my happy place. It's been my comfort for so long that I would look forward to age regressing every day. Sometimes I do it willingly, sometimes I do it unwillingly. But I think it's time that I stop age regressing because I'm realizing that I don't know how to really function and see the world as a normal adult outside of my age regression. I feel like I have age regressed for my whole life, which I have. I have age regressed my whole life, from the time I was probably like, I would say eight or nine years old I started. But I feel like since I've been age regressing, it's been keeping me in a childlike mentality when it comes to life in general. And it's so hard to actually put into words, but I feel like because I have been age regressing for so long, for so many years, it has caused me to be childish even outside of the times where I'm not age regressing. There's a part of me that never really grew up, and I could be wrong, but I'm starting to think it has everything to do with my age regression. With my wife or family, whoever, treating me like a baby, being soft and just babying me and pacifying me. Because of that, I'm realizing that is also my view of life as an adult. And I feel like it's starting to mess with me mentally because I feel like mentally I am behind. Because I age regress so hard, I have not accomplished any of my goals. Like my real life adult goals. And it could be a mixture of age regression and also maladaptive daydreaming, and I know it's a mix of both. But since I've been doing those things, I have not accomplished anything in my life. Because when I feel the slightest bit of discomfort, sadness, angriness, whatever, my first form of coping mechanism is age regression or maladaptive daydreaming. So it feels like for most of my life I've spent most of the time mentally in another world, in another reality. And it's starting to catch up to me because now as an adult, I know I'm still young, I'm only 24, but now as an adult, the world isn't responding to me well because of it. Because I just don't know how to function like a grown mature woman. Because for some reason, to the back of my mind, I still expect to be babied in a way, even subconsciously. Because consciously I don't believe that, but there's a part of me subconsciously where I do feel that that is true. And on top of all of that, I just don't think with how the world is changing and how everyone is changing, I just don't think it's safe for me to age regress in front of anyone, not even my own spouse. You know? And my spouse has been supportive and everything like that, but at the same time it does feel... I don't know. But this is such a hard realization for me to come to because I have never, ever wanted to stop age regressing. I've said for a very long time in my life that I want to keep age regressing, even after I heal through my trauma because it's just such a safe space for me, it's so comfortable for me. But maybe it's time to celebrate growth. Maybe it's time to celebrate a new chapter. Maybe it's time to let go of all of that and find new, healthier, I guess, grown-up ways to deal with whatever issues I might come across in life. I'm really sad about this, but I know it's something that has to be done. This version of me must go away, in order for the new me to be born. 😢😢

I really need you guys’ opinion on a situation, and I want you guys to be brutally honest with me. So my wife and I have been married for almost two years. I'm 24, she is 25 (lesbian couple). We had a talk yesterday. She was basically telling me she feels like I don't have my life together, and she feels like I don't have any ambition, and I don't have any drive when it comes to accomplishing my goals or just accomplishing things in life in general. Now, I know what she is saying isn't necessarily wrong, because I have been extremely depressed. I don't like to open up about my depression or my anxiety to be honest with you guys a lot of the time when I'm dealing with my depression I have been hiding it from my wife because I'm scared to be judged. I’m scared to be seen as weak, or incapable, or a burden etc because ik my depression has me not necessarily functioning the way I should as an adult. I know she's not wrong for saying that, but at the same time there is a part of me that feels a little hurt about it. And I'm fully aware that it might just be the fact that my ego is bruised, but there is a part of me that feels a little saddened that she said that about me because I don't want to be seen that way, especially not from by spouse. But at the same time, I can't deny that what she's been saying is true. I'm 24, I'm not in a real career yet, we still rent an apartment, I don't have a house, any land, any assets etc. And I know that we’re young, and most people would say that we should take our time, but that's just a part of our culture as Caribbean women. In our culture we were raised to accomplish a lot…So after she said all of that to me, she said that she wants me to be a strong wife for her and She needs to know that I have her back. I have been unemployed for a month because my job let go a lot of employees. So my wife is the one working and paying the bills and stuff like that until I find another job. She asked me “hey, if anything happened to me right now, what are you gonna do? If anything was to happen to me right now, and I can't work or something, I can't even say that my wife has my back I don’t even have a wife that I can depend on/ has her shit together ”. And again I know she is not wrong. So why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel like this? I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I have let myself go a lot in life. There has never been a time in my life where I have not been depressed. And the times where I thought I wasn't depressed, turns out I was just dealing with high functioning depression. I haven't been taking care of myself, I haven't been going to the gym, I haven't been doing my skincare routine. I have just been in a mental rut for what seems like the last couple months of my life. I have been procrastinating, I have not been doing what I need do to better my life. I'm 24 and I still don't know what career I am passionate about. At this point, I'm just gonna choose whatever pays the most and just try to be THE best I can at it because I do not want to be seen as a bum or not ambitious. I do believe my wife is right, I have not been as ambitious as I need to be. I have been letting myself down. I know these things is a fact. So Why do I still feel so bitter that she said that though? I've been trying so hard to understand why I feel this way. Is it embarrassment? Do I feel ashamed? I don't understand why I feel this way. And I am very grateful that my wife is honest with me and transparent with me. But at the same time, again, why do I feel like shit? I seriously feel worthless. Ofc I’m disappointed in myself everyday for not being a better woman and a better wife, not accomplishing my goals etc so my heart has already been heavy because I’m disappointed in my life……It doesn't make sense, because I know I haven't been doing what I have to do in my life to get my shit together. I know that I’m too old for my life to not be together. Even before my wife and I had this conversation yesterday, I was already sitting with myself and holding myself accountable because I'm gonna be 25 next year. I need to get my life together. I'm giving myself a year to stop procrastinating and just get my shit together. So it's not like my wife isn't saying the truth. So why does it hurt me still? What is going on? I feel hurt by what she said. I know I don't have my life together. So truthfully, I know I'm not a wife that she could be proud of (she also has stated in the past that she doesn’t have anything to be proud of pertaining to me because I’m not doing anything with my life). Yes, she has said that she's grateful that I cook and clean and I do all of these things. But outside of that, I know I'm not necessarily a wife that she could be proud of right now. Because I'm not accomplishing anything. I let myself go. I'm a mess. I've just been trying to survive every day and get through the day, basically. And my life has been a reflection of that. And I don't know why my mind is like this, but for whatever reason, my mind immediately went to the fact that, hey, what if she leaves me one day? Or what if she cheats on me? Because I am not the woman she needs me to be. And I hate that because where did that even come from? But there is a part of me that's afraid that I'll never be enough for her. Again, I don't know where that came from. I know I need to get my life together. I know I need to get my shit together. I am in school right now for psychology. I will be graduating with my psychology degree (BA) next year. But even with my psychology degree, I don't think my wife is fully happy that I chose psychology as a major to go to college for because she feels like it's not gonna pay off and it's a waste of time because it won't make me any money or anything. So I know she's not necessarily happy about that decision either….. But I just really wanna know you guys’ opinions on this. I'm ready to change my life. If I am the problem, I am ready to do what I have to do to change my life and be a better woman and show up as a better wife. Right now I seriously don’t understand what I’m even feeling 😞😞

tl;dr : My wife and I had a conversation yesterday where she told me she feels like I don’t have my life together, don’t have enough ambition or drive, and that she needs a strong wife who can have her back, especially since I’m currently unemployed and she’s carrying most of the financial responsibility. The thing is, I know she isn’t completely wrong—I’ve been extremely depressed for a long time, I’ve let myself go, I procrastinate, and I haven’t been doing the things I know I need to do to move forward. But even though I already knew these things about myself, hearing my wife say them really hurt, and I’m struggling to understand why because I know she’s telling me the truth. I think part of me feels ashamed and embarrassed, and now I’m scared that maybe I’ll never be enough for her or that she’ll eventually leave me because I’m not the woman she needs me to be.