u/Super_Bluebird8564

I grew up in a religious household where being trans was not accepted. I faced public humiliation from my mom, constant messaging that I was sinning, ridicule from family, and bullying at school. I was also heavily sheltered — raised to believe the outside world was evil and dangerous, that I could be harmed or killed. That fear shaped me deeply and is something I still carry today.

I was also an undiagnosed autistic person which made navigating relationships even harder.

In my 20s I moved across the country without telling my family — I told them I was going camping. I was afraid they would try to stop me. Around the same time I began transitioning and changed my name entirely.

My family found out through social media. My mom reached out saying they would have supported me, but when I visited it was a painful experience of misgendering and deadnaming in public — the same humiliation I'd experienced as a child. We argued and stopped speaking. She passed away before we reconciled.

After she died the rest of my family became distant and I didn't understand why until recently. My sister finally told me that leaving without saying goodbye and changing my last name made the family feel abandoned and hurt.

I've been carrying guilt about this for a long time. I had no idea how much it hurt them — I was just trying to survive and find freedom. I've since apologized and my sister and I are on better terms.

I've realized that leaving quietly has become my pattern — in abusive relationships and difficult situations since then. I think it comes from a lifetime of not feeling safe enough to be direct. I'm working on understanding that about myself.

Was I wrong to leave the way I did? Does protecting yourself from people who've hurt you make you a bad person? I'd love to hear from others who've navigated similar situations with family and found a way through.

I grew up in a religious household where being trans was not accepted. I faced public humiliation from my mom, constant messaging that I was sinning, ridicule from family, and bullying at school. I was also heavily sheltered — raised to believe the outside world was evil and dangerous, that I could be harmed or killed. That fear shaped me deeply and is something I still carry today.

I was also an undiagnosed autistic person which made navigating relationships even harder.

In my 20s I moved across the country without telling my family — I told them I was going camping. I was afraid they would try to stop me. Around the same time I began transitioning and changed my name entirely.

My family found out through social media. My mom reached out saying they would have supported me, but when I visited it was a painful experience of misgendering and deadnaming in public — the same humiliation I'd experienced as a child. We argued and stopped speaking. She passed away before we reconciled.

After she died the rest of my family became distant and I didn't understand why until recently. My sister finally told me that leaving without saying goodbye and changing my last name made the family feel abandoned and hurt.

I've been carrying guilt about this for a long time. I had no idea how much it hurt them — I was just trying to survive and find freedom. I've since apologized and my sister and I are on better terms.

I've realized that leaving quietly has become my pattern — in abusive relationships and difficult situations since then. I think it comes from a lifetime of not feeling safe enough to be direct. I'm working on understanding that about myself.

Was I wrong to leave the way I did? Does protecting yourself from people who've hurt you make you a bad person? I'd love to hear from others who've navigated similar situations with family and found a way through.