Bipolar husband
15 years of marriage and now we are in his 7th manic episode. I am so tired and confused that I’m literally writing in a group of total strangers just because I need somewhere to put all this pain.
I have to be strong for our daughter, I have to support him, understand him, somehow keep the family together. I don’t really tell my friends or my parents because I’m always trying to protect his reputation and not change how people see him. So I keep a lot of this inside.
But these periods change our life so much. When the mania comes it feels completely uncontrollable. He gets into debt, spends money on things that in that moment seem absolutely logical to him, makes decisions that affect all of us for months ahead. And then after 4-5 months of mania usually comes depression, and for another 6-8 months he is almost like a vegetable, barely functioning, and needs even more support.
I just don’t know how much more I have in me. Sometimes I want to stop everything and just feel free again. I want to feel confident and optimistic again, like I used to. I’m trying to hold myself together but sometimes I’m so angry at him, at myself, at this whole life.
For the last 3 years I really thought I was building my career so we could finally move forward. We’ve been living the three of us in one room and all I wanted was to move into a bigger apartment and give our daughter her own room, her own bed, desk, wardrobe, just a normal space of her own. In April 2026 we finally started renovating the apartment and then in May the mania started again. And I was left alone with everything. Family expenses, rent, school, renovation, while he barely works and spends money on whatever he believes is right at that moment. And when I try to talk about it he just says “trust the process.”
I’m so angry when I hear that. Because I am the process. I am the one keeping everything from falling apart.
And I have to keep going because if I don’t, we can lose the apartment and end up back in one room again, three people in one room.
I don’t even know what I want from posting this. Probably nothing. I just needed to say it somewhere because I feel like I can’t carry it quietly anymore.