Left my partner but still feel humiliated
Hey good people, I (26M) was in a relationship with a (23F) for 3 ish years. In the first two years it was smooth sailing.
It wasn't until we went clubbing on my birthday and she bumped into her fuck buddy from a couple years back that triggered a lot of emotions in me. Since that incident nothing was the same and I honestly felt disgusted by her which led me to dumping her. On top of that a similar incident happened in a separate time but by that point it didn't affect me as much because I had stopped caring about the relationship.
It's been about 1.5 years since the breakup but I've told myself I'll never marry anyone or even date with a few exceptions like if the person is from another country (less likely to bump into past partners). It's been so long but the humiliation I suffered on my birthday has permanently scarred me and I still imagine how all those guys enjoyed the woman I thought I was going to marry and probably had a chuckle seeing me as her boyfriend.
What particularly hurt the most was feeling like a chump on my birthday and the fact that the guy was probably laughing at me internally also that she had probably slept with many other people who saw us together. I started getting anxious whenever I was in public and some people greeted us, with my thinking being that they were probably in her guts.
Its got to a point where I just have casual sex and can't imagine myself dating seriously anymore! How can I get over this?