u/Sweaty_Ad_2311

It seems the troupe is that white girls who were bullied in middle school eventually blossom into beautiful and strong flowers, surpassing their bullies in every way. They are no longer losers as they become winners. They’re pretty, they enter amazing relationships, they’re supposedly emotionally mature, they have amazing grades and their eccentric fashion is seen as cool.

When a brown girl gets bullied, that’s it. It’s just seen as something that happened to her. She’s not victimised. It’s what’s expected and she should just chin up. Brown girls are seen as one dimensional, grey, background characters. Even if she overcomes her trauma from being bullied, the celebration seems much more muted, hushed up, and individual. When a brown girl undergoes her metamorphosis, the charm is lacklustre. Sure, she now expresses herself freely. That’s just kinda cringe. And she gets sidelined again. Sure, she’s grown into her features, and is more self assured, so what? Why is she acting like she could be white?

I’m tired. Tired of seeing white girls suffer the same extremes as i did, but getting tenfold the praise, recognition, and support. Sick and tired. I’m literally a background character to everyone. Even when i grab the most attention, laughter, and happiness, even when i look good, and even when i’m quiet, they treat me with less grace and respect and admiration. If i do something even the slightest bit annoying, not even offensive, i’m treated to like a second class citizen. I literally cannot be myself to the point where checking myself and people pleasing is engrained into my subconscious.

It’s not blatant. Kinda makes it worse. I can literally see the racism cogs in their head churn whenever i hold presence and participate. Microagressions. It’s like i have to fulfil a list of definitions to be seen (not even as cool or anything admirable) as safe for them. And this list actively restricts my metamorphosis.

For any of you who don’t know what DARVO is, it’s a common manipulation tactic used by abusive people when trying to get themselves out of trouble. In most arguments they will use this consciously or not. It stands for:

D - Deny
• Nar denies all claims against them, refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing, and shuts you down when you express that they hurt you. “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a fan favourite.

A - Attack
• they shift the focus onto you, questioning your actions, intentions, credibility, and character, which makes you doubt yourself

R - Reverse
V - Victim
O - Offender

^ } • Nar role-reverses. They ensure that now, YOU are the offender and they are the victim. Might start crying and pulling out any cards that make them appear vulnerable and weak.

How to dismantle it:

It might feel daunting and impossible at first, but the solution is very simple and avoids conflict. factually recall what happened without showing any distress or agitation. What you never wanna do is feed the fire. They thrive off of that. Stay in control of your emotions and you will be less easily swayed by their manipulation. The angrier you get the easier it is for them to frame themselves as the victim. Narc meltdowns are pure idiocy. Factually stating what happened is difficult for them to deny and outlines the immaturity of their actions. It sounds counterintuitive, but DO NOT defend yourself. This will trigger the tug-of-war battle for the victim role. Don’t react to any of their agitation, and don’t try and debate with them. Give dry responses. If they continue walk out. Then, you will have shut it down.

Remember to always trust yourself and your senses.
You got this! :-)

Who else has had hideous looking yt girls label you as “not conventionally attractive” even when you’re pretty? The first girl who said that to me had her two front teeth parting ways, a lazy eye, very thin hair, and three nipples (which she insisted on showing me even when i very firmly said no three times). Before that all happened, i tried to befriend her since we were rooming together on a school trip. I got to know that she was very insecure and didn’t have many friends. Despite this, she was still very rude to me, embarrassed me in front of the boys i was talking to, and ignored my boundaries.

It just goes to show that they have an unspoken lookism hierarchy. At the top are white people, and below all white people are brown and black people, no matter how much more attractive we are than them. Because anything darker than a light tan is labelled as “unconventionally attractive”, yet they all fake tan to achieve the summery look we have naturally. Jealousy is a disease, but it isn’t our responsibility to cure them.

Like i said. Every time i see someone express their doubts, they get hoards of downvotes and angry responses. To me, this is totally counterintuitive - how will anyone actually get past their limiting beliefs if they can’t even talk about them? I understand the fear that it may discourage whoever reads it, the fear that their manifestations might be ruined. If the confidence in your manifestations is really that fragile, where a single reddit comment shatters your progress, take a moment to think if you are you approaching subliminals correctly. The whole point of manifesting is that you fully believe. So i can see why this subreddit tends to heckle doubters out of sharing their opinions. However, in my experience, to get over any hurdle, i must face it. You have to acknowledge what may be holding you back, and this should be an open space to discuss the less desirable side of the process, such as the doubt and the failures that WE ALL experience.

I’m mixed race, south asian and white. I organised a cute little summer bbq on the beach for my friend group since it’s a very hot day. Im the only poc there. I put on a bikini for the first time and had a really cute outfit on and was feeling super cute and pretty and excited for this get together.

Everyone’s making a fuss about if they will tan or burn. I sit there quietly sipping my drink. A lot of them didn’t bring the stuff we needed, so i went out and bought it with my own money. I ended up spending £30 on drinks, snacks, fruit, and a spatula and prongs for the bbq. I went with two friends, A (f) and B (m). When we came back, A credited B with getting the group the spatula and prongs even though she stood next to me as i gave my money to the cashier. Keep in mind, getting them wasn’t even B’s idea.

When C shows up to the bbq, she immediately starts being rude to me/making fun of me. I’ve noticed this is a constant thing which she seems to present as her humour yet she only takes it out on me.

I saw that my friend was chilling in the sea, so i got up to join him and the three white girls from the group started squeaking “omg where are you going where are you goingg what are you doing” Like, what does it look like i’m doing. Why is this something to comment on? i ignored them.

When i was turning over the bbq meat i was squatting since it was a portable one, on the floor. The same girls laughed at me for how i was sat which .. i was literally just squatting??? What?

After we all went home, C posted the pictures on her story. Not one photo of me, with the exception of a very blurry one where I’m very far away and in the background of the photo. She tagged everyone’s instagram handles except mine. When i asked her why i wasn’t tagged she said she told me she forgot i was there because i wasn’t in the pictures. KEEP IN MIND I ORGANISED THIS WHOLE THING. I responded “are you serious” and then she got snappy and said that she got the story from another girl who i didn’t know and didn’t have added (she was the plus 1). Anyways then everyone reposted her story and i literally just got excluded from my own party.

I left feeling like something was wrong. After i got home i fought back tears. I feel like whatever i do i get made fun of. It doesn’t matter how good i look or what different group of white people i go to. I’m always put into the same role. Before you tell me to make poc friends, it’s very difficult. I live in a very white majority area. Im the only poc in all my classes. God, why have you placed this burden on me? What have i done to deserve this?