I’ve wasted 300 bucks trying to find a pillow that doesn’t make the back of my head feel like it’s being hit with a steel bat. They all claim to be “soft” but they’re so firm. Please help :(
Hi! Sorry this will be kind of long. I am 19 and currently a university student. Earlier this year I took what I thought was edibles with a guy, I had a really bad hallucination that I died and went to hell. I remember asking and begging god for a second chance, even now as I write this I can hear my voice going “no please god please”. People even walked past me while I was in this weird fog and basically left me there to die and they were even acting like I was crazy. Still not sure if the people were real tbh. Along with this I went to the hospital and almost died. I’m not sure if it was just edibles or he gave me something else or laced me. Well anyways bottom line is it happened. I told my roommate about it and she continued to be friends with him despite getting close with me. In the end I couldn’t handle it and basically cut her off because it just felt awkward and wrong to me. I didn’t tell her to stop being friends with him because that was her right, basically all I did was remove her from Instagram and life 360. However, I didn’t say anything. This made her mad and she basically told me “I don’t like you and I wear it on my sleeve” (I’m assuming this is because I did not tell her I removed her). I feel guilty for not telling her but I was dealing with a lot at this time. I was still having nightmares about the hell I felt and going back and forth on whether it was real or not because I wasn’t sure. I came to the conclusion it was real and god showed me that as a warning. So ever since then I’ve been trying to be a better person. Anyways. My roommate and suite mates have been really awful, they don’t clean, my roommate smells really bad, brings people in even when I’m napping and they’re super loud (I started doing the same thing out of pettiness but most times I have to fight myself not to do that so I’ve only really done something like that once or twice), cherry on top, I walked in on her having sex with her boyfriend and she got mad at me for just cuddling my boyfriend in the dorm (this is when we were friends). Additionally, she said my boyfriend had to be out of the dorm by nine (visiting hours end at 11 and she has 100% had people past nine). Despite all this I am trying to hard to be a good Christian and I don’t say anything and just let her be. If she tells me to stay out of the dorms, I stay out (I’ve never asked her to do this), I accidentally walked in on an argument with her and her bf and asked if she was ok. I do all of this Partly because I’m scared of confrontation, and partly because she has had a hard childhood and I think god would want me to just leave her be as I’m not going through as much as her or have gone through as much as her. Well anyways here’s my dilemma. I can’t take it anymore so I’m moving out early. In moving out early the RA told me not to clean, (I’ve been the only one cleaning the restroom and everything the entire semester) and I feel happy about not cleaning because I am being petty. Additionally, I am thinking of taking back my shower curtain but that leaves them without a curtain. Part of this is also pettiness. BUT with the shower curtain part of the reason is genuinely because I’m scared someone will forget to throw it away or take it down when they move out and we will all get a fine. As for the cleaning, it’s a petty reason on my end but I was told not to. I am trying not to be petty but it is so hard. Any advice on what I should do? I feel like everything I do has an underlying of “I’m getting back at you” but there’s also different reasons to the things I do (being told not to clean and being scared of the fine) pls help im sorry if this is stupid :(.