r/Pillows

I still really love this pillow. I spent about a year researching and designing it, creating nearly 20 prototypes before finally bringing it to life. It’s actually production-ready, and we even manufactured around 100 units at the factory. It’s a real shame I never got to ship and sell it in the US, but I’m still eager to share my design with all of you.

This is a bit embarrassing but i finally decided it was time to get a new pillow. I've been sleeping with a memory foam gel pillow that I got from Walmart years and years ago, not sure how long ago I actually got it but I know I've had it since before I was an actual teenager and I'm about to be 25 😅 as you can probably see I've repaired the pillow as best as I can and this isn't my first time doing it either. Its a bit crunchy under my head but as an autistic individual it's incredibly difficult for me to let go of something that I have loved for so long. They no longer make this pillow and all the replacements I've tried just aren't the same firmness or have the same cooling power as this one does. Anyway i decided to try that dang mellow pillow I've seen literally everywhere. There's so many mixed reviews on it and honestly I'm super nervous for it to come in. Still happy to try it though as it just looks so interesting. I like a tall pillow like a really tall pillow haha I stack mine currently with another one and its 5 1/2 inches tall and I plan to do the same for this one as well. But if this one doesn't work out what are some pillows that you guys recommend? I have a budget of $60, can be gel or a normal pillow but it has to be firm. Thanks in advance!

Okay, I know a pillow isn’t the automatic fix for neck pain, but I know for a fact my sleep posture contributes to my pain. I have neck, upper back and TMJ pain. I sleep propped up on two pillows with a blanket under my neck as you can see in my photo.

The thing is I am torn on what kind of pillow can help me feel supported and have better posture, while not being too stiff and hard like sleeping on a rock.

Ive seen cervical orthopedic pillows, and then Ive seen those shredded memory foam pillows… the other thing is this.. I know it’s not super important when it comes down to the fact I am experiencing neck pain so often and sometimes wake up with headaches, but I care alot about the look of my bedroom and space. And honestly..
Orthopedic pillows are really ugly. I know I could probably make a custom case for it but the thing is I cannot sew.. and the pillow cases I currently use are honestly a bit sentimental to me, one was made by my boyfriend’s grandmother, and the other was hand sewn by my grandmother. I also really like how they look and want to keep them on my bed.

So… what would my best bet be when it comes to needing neck support that isn’t too stiff and harsh? I often find that my head sits up too high and pushes it forward, but when I lie flat without any neck support that also hurts… I just really need a good pillow that’s worth the buy.

To every side sleeper whose shoulder ends up jammed halfway under the pillow by morning...

...there's a very specific reason it keeps happening there, and it's not about how you're sleeping.

I know that because it took me years to even ask the question.

For the longest time I just assumed it was my shoulder. Something about the way I'm built, the way I sleep, the way my body decided to be difficult.

Every morning my shoulder is jammed halfway under the pillow, my neck feeling wrecked before I've even opened my eyes properly. I'd lie there for a second before I even moved, mentally bracing for the stiffness.

Neck pain and stiff shoulders for months now, not just a bad night here and there. A pattern. The same shoulder, the same spot, the same ache, over and over.

I used to think that meant something was wrong with me specifically. That my shoulder was weak, or my posture was bad, or I just wasn't built for side sleeping the way other people apparently were.

Turns out none of that was true. The reason had nothing to do with my shoulder at all.

Once I decided it was my shoulder, I treated it like a shoulder problem.

I bought a softer pillow first, the regular fluffy down kind, thinking maybe my shoulder needed less pressure on it. It worked for about two weeks, then went flat, and I was back to the same shoulder, jammed in the same spot, hurting in the same way.

So I tried firmer. A flat memory foam slab, the kind that's supposed to hold everything in place. No curve to it at all, nothing shaped for where my shoulder actually needed support. I gave it weeks, telling myself my shoulder just needed time to adjust to something more solid.

When that didn't work either, I started stacking two pillows, convinced my shoulder needed more height to stop sinking in. It didn't help. My shoulder still ended up jammed under there by morning, just at a slightly different angle.

I even blamed my mattress for a while, like maybe it was putting pressure on my shoulder from underneath.

Every attempt was the same logic. My shoulder needs more support, less support, more height, a different surface. Try something, hope, fail, blame myself a little more.

After enough rounds of that, I stopped thinking it was the pillow's fault. I started thinking my shoulder was just one of those things that was never going to cooperate, no matter what I put underneath it.

Here's what actually took me years to find out, and once I heard it, I couldn't unhear it.

My shoulder was never the problem. It was never weak, never poorly positioned, never the wrong shape for side sleeping. My shoulder was doing exactly what shoulders are supposed to do.

The actual problem is a gap. When you sleep on your side, there's a small space between the mattress and the side of your neck, because your shoulder naturally holds your head slightly up off the bed. A flat pillow, no matter how soft or how firm, can't reach down and fill that space.

So your head tilts into the gap instead, and your neck takes all the strain your pillow should have been carrying. Your shoulder just happens to be sitting right underneath where that strain lands, which is exactly why it feels like the shoulder's fault.

It isn't. The down pillow flattened straight into that gap. The memory foam slab had no shape to reach into it. Stacking pillows just shifted the gap to a different height instead of closing it, and blaming the mattress was looking in a place that was never actually involved.

None of those things ever touched my shoulder directly, because my shoulder was never broken. It was just sitting next to a problem nobody had pointed at yet.

A few weeks after I figured this out, I was scrolling through a sleep forum late one night, the way you do when you're avoiding actually going to bed.

There was a thread about shoulder pain from side sleeping, dozens of comments, most of them just people describing the same thing I'd been living with for years. One comment stopped me though. Someone wrote that their shoulder used to jam under the pillow every night until they found something built to fill the actual gap underneath their neck, not their shoulder. I read that line probably four times. Then I went looking for it.

The first night, I didn't notice anything dramatic. I just fell asleep the way I normally do, on my side.

What I noticed was the next morning, when I woke up and my shoulder wasn't jammed anywhere. It was just resting there normally, the way I assume other people's shoulders just rest. No bracing for stiffness before I even moved. No mentally checking which spot was going to hurt. Nothing to brace for at all.

It wasn't until I actually picked it up that I understood the comment from that forum. One side sits noticeably higher than the other, built to sit directly in that space beneath your neck instead of leaving it open.

It wasn't built to support my shoulder, because my shoulder was never what needed support. It was built around that one gap, and everything about how it worked came from that single idea.

A few people have asked what I actually found that night, so let me just explain it properly.

After I read that comment, I did try looking for it on the usual places I shop, the way anyone would. I couldn't find anything that matched what was described. The reason I found it through that forum thread instead of a marketplace is that the people in there had already done the digging I couldn't do on my own. Makes sense once you know it's built around filling one specific gap, not being softer or firmer, and that's not really a category most of those places carry yet.

I'm not writing all this out to sell you a pillow. It's because I spent years assuming something was wrong with my shoulder specifically, when really it was something underneath my neck nobody had ever pointed out. If you're reading this and any part of it sounds like your own shoulder, I want you to have what that comment gave me. It's called the CloudAlign pillow, made by Belissya, and I'll leave the link right here.

https://www.belissya.com/cloudalign

Comment SAME below if your shoulder ends up in the same spot every single night.

Followed this sub for a week while deciding what pillow to get for my side sleeping neck pain dilemma. I landed on the Eli and Elm latex noodle side sleeper pillow. Slept on it for the first time last night. It was life changing. My neck was perfectly supported and I love the curve! I got a 99 sleep score and my neck feels great this morning.

https://eliandelm.com/product/side-sleeper-pillow/