u/Swimming-Skin8453

To start I have been meditating for roughly 20 minutes a day, for the last 4.5 montha. During my meditation today after maybe 20 minutes of noticing, noting and describing thoughts and sensations as "pleasant", "Unpleasant", "Neutral", and "felt with aversion, attachment" etc. Then returning to breath / open awareness I noticed that I was tense in my head and as I relaxed I felt these like "gates" open as part of my awareness descended further down from my normal sense of being in my head and it felt more and more loose / flowy like a liquid that was being poured in from the top of my skull (very subtle feeling though it wasn't violent at all)and I became more calm and serene.

Frustration and annoyance made these gates close and the feeling of my consciousness / looseness in my head go back up. While it is descending from the head where I normally feel my consciousness it is calm and this tends to happen when I am not necessarily focusing on anything or trying to control my consciousness. This happened ONLY after I stopped trying to force my attention on my breath and instead remained open to thoughts and sensations without letting them control my mental state / awareness.

I also realized I cannot control the outcome or try to grasp for it. I must always release all expectations and assumptions because the mind cannot conceive what could possibly happen next and grasping for it causes it to recoil away.

Also I noticed that what is accompanied with this sensation I will experience a strong tingling in my butt / tailbone that feels like a swirling whirlpool, and over time if it matters I have become quite aware of a swirling sensation in my awareness within my head that seems to be somehow correlated with my emotional state and thought patterns / lack of thought patterns being identified with the ego.

What am I experiencing? I would like to read about this. Does anyone have any input on this? I would be thrilled and very grateful if someone can shed light, thank you!