Sick of living with lower back problems
Following an incident in 2019, I developed what was described as a grade 2 herniated disc in my lower back. The doctors told me it was nothing serious and that I did not need physiotherapy. They simply gave me some exercises to do. Over the next two years, however, my condition gradually worsened, and I repeatedly injured my lower back. I experienced episodes of severe stiffness, pain radiating into my legs, sensations of coldness, tingling, numbness, and other symptoms.
Eventually, I consulted a well-known doctor and started physiotherapy on his recommendation, but I did not notice much improvement. The rehabilitation specialist suggested Pilates. I have been doing Pilates for five years, and it has helped me a great deal.
That was the case until January of this year. I slipped on ice but did not fall; I managed to regain my balance by using the muscles in my lower and upper back. In doing so, however, I strained those muscles and went through a period of severe stiffness and pain. Since that day, the left side of my lower back has never fully loosened up.
The discomfort eventually eased, and I carried on with my life. Then, in July, my lower back seized up while I was reaching for a coffee cup on a table. Since then, I have been dealing with countless problems that have never fully resolved. Based on what doctors and physiotherapists have told me during this time, a nerve in my lower back is highly sensitive and in a constant state of alarm, I have bursitis in my hip, and I also have an inguinal hernia. As a result, every day involves some combination of pain and discomfort. I have not had a single peaceful moment since July. It has felt like constant torture.
As for the psychological side, during the two years following my initial injury, I unknowingly began restricting my movements. This led to changes in my posture and the way my body functioned. Some of my muscles became very weak because I was no longer using them regularly, which contributed to frequent injuries. For example, because I barely used my lower back, bending forward to pick something up from the floor would trigger pain, even if the object was light. As a result, I have not bent forward for five years. My fear is now so intense that, even with support from a doctor or physiotherapist, I can only bend forward about 15 degrees.
I also cannot run or jump, and this prevents me from taking part in most sports. I suppress my sneezes because I believe that sneezing freely will injure my lower back. If I absolutely have to sneeze, I first press my lower back firmly against a wall or the back of my seat so that it feels supported and secure. The same applies to coughing.
I cannot carry anything heavier than 4–5 kilograms, and I cannot pick anything up from the floor. Sometimes, I am afraid even when I am simply about to sit down.
Over these seven years, I have taken anti-anxiety medication and attended therapy. The medication helped at the time, but it did not enable me to challenge my fears. It only allowed me to feel less anxious in situations where I already felt safe. Therapy helped me in almost every other area of my life, but it did not help with this particular issue. The main reason is that I seem completely unable to work through this fear; my mind simply cannot relax when it comes to movement and the possibility of injury.
My biggest goal this year was to regain the movements I had lost, but instead, I now feel as though I am back where I was five years ago. My physiotherapist says this fear is called kinesiophobia, but I cannot find a therapist near me who specialises in it. What kind of expertise or specialisation should I look for in a therapist to help with a situation like mine?
I am nearing the end of my current course of physiotherapy, but I do not feel that I have made any progress. My physiotherapist says I will need treatment for a long time, but I do not think I can afford to continue for an extended period.
To be honest, I feel completely helpless. My life has turned into a constant suffering, and all I want is a little relief—a chance to rest. I’m exhausted from putting in so much effort. I feel overwhelmed by not being able to live a normal life, by constantly depending on others, and by living in constant fear. I don’t know what to do anymore...