u/SylvanianCuties

I do not know. Part of me wants to not be alive anymore. Another part wishes to at least try and keep on going. But this previous part knows that if I will, I will b einherently disappointed and just postpone an inevtible part of my life. I believe that if things will end as soon as possible, at least they would have a sense or a meaning. If not, well, I assume it would still happen, but without any of the sense that comes along with it. I would like for my death to at least have a sense, yet I do not know for sure if I actively want it as I maybe still have a glimmer of hope inside of me, yet I do not know if that hope is anything real or simply a survival instinct. I am shortly before my final decision and it scares me, although it also brings me equal happiness and relief. Though I am scared likewise.