Out of my 18 years on this Earth 16 have been under Orbán's rule.

That era has finally ended and it's difficult to describe how relieved I am. Looking back many things that became normal in Hungary seem almost surreal and dystopian. Back in 2012 a hungarian political blog published a list called Vincent's Laws. A collection of observations about how Orbán's system operated. It was intended as dark humor but over the years it aged remarkably well. I've translated it into English because I think it offers a glimpse into how most hungarians saw the system from the inside.

A guide to the terminology

Viktor Orbán was Hungary's longest serving prime minister, permanent leader of Fidesz, and the central figure of this system. Once a vice-president of the Liberal International. From where he became Putin's closest ally within the European Union and an enthusiastic bootlicker the Chinese state. To his supporters he is god.

Fidesz (Alliance of Young Democrats) is the political party that has dominated Hungary since 2010. It was founded in 1988 as a liberal anti-communist youth organization. Later reinvented itself as a national-conservative party. Its undisputed leader has always been Viktor Orbán.

The NER (System of National Cooperation) was the political order proclaimed by Orbán after his 2010 landslide victory. Officially it was presented as a new era of national unity and economic renewal. However it became shorthand for the patronage network built around Orbán and Fidesz. A fusion of political power, economic privilege, corruption, and personal loyalty. People often jokingly reinterpret the acronym as the System of National Organized Crime.

Cadre (Hungarian: káder) is the closest English translation I could find Though no English word fully captures the meaning. A káder is someone whose position depends on serving the ruling political machine. Loyal to the party above all else, eager to please those above them and ruthless toward to those are below them. And they are rewarded by the system for it. They are both essential to the system and entirely disposable.

Vincent's Laws

Vincent's Laws have turned six and a half years old. Looking back on the last two terms of the Orbán era we can say that the text has aged remarkably well Though it is now due for a bit of an update. The "Laws" continue to be based on the collective wisdom of the authors and veteran commenters of the Vincent blog. We have learned a great deal, while the list of domestic and foreign politicians, diplomats, bankers, entrepreneurs, scientists, artists, church dignitaries, and tradeunion leaders who have been excommunicated from the nation by Orbán keeps growing. Don't be like them. Learn from the Laws. 🙂

First Law

Every measure taken by the Regime can be explained by the proper combination of theft, assholery, and incompetence. There are no exceptions. If the motive behind a government measure is not immediately obvious they are trying to steal something.

Second Law

Fidesz announces every dirty trick in advance. You just have to know how to read the signs. If you want to know what is going to happen think of the worst thing you can imagine them doing, multiply it by two and you will still be surprised.

Third Law

In the language of Fidesz the collective terms "the people", "the citizens" and "the Hungarians" always mean Viktor Orbán. The opinions, will, grievances, successes, sorrows, and welcome prosperity of "the hungarians" refer exclusively to Viktor Orbán. Not to you. If they say they want to protect something it means they are about to demand protection money for it. If you fail to take the hint they will smash whatever it is they claim to be protecting. In their dictionary "family" means the mafia. Not your family.

Fourth Law

This is not rock bottom. There is always a lower level. That thin red line where Orbán surely must stop eventually is always somewhere further away. If it exists at all.

Fifth Law: The Law of the Three Bs (and yes, I used AI for this one)

The regime's Cadre fall into three categories: bolsheviks, bandits and buffoons. The more of these qualities you possess the higher you rise. Accordingly the three pillars of government are bolshevik methods of exercising power, mafia style business practices and dilletante state administration.

Sixth Law

Orbán is not a politician. A politician has principles, values, and a vision. Orbán by contrast is a criminal who happens to operate in politics. He has only two tactical objectives: to steal and to get away with it. The principles, alliances, and the narrative of the day are determined entirely by what he wants to steal at the moment, and how he plans to get away with it.

Seventh Law

Corruption is not a phenomenon it is the objective. For a political party in government corruption is usually an unintended byproduct. Fidesz is not a political party but a criminal organiation. For them the purpose of governing is corruption, while actual work is an unpleasant burden.

Eighth Law

If you play by Orbán's rules you lose. Orbán is not bound by principles, laws, political norms, his own promises, fair play, nor even a criminal's code of honor. Democratic tools like: debate, compromise, warnings, final warnings, elections, protests, demonstrations and such are destined to fail against him. (One of these fortunately turned to be false)

Ninth Law

The Regime frequently imports proven progressive solutions from advanced democracies then dismantles them and quietly inserts the components that serve it's interests. These "solutions proven in the West" are designed primarily to allow new methods of theft and getting to away with it. The achievement of the original rule-of-law objective is at best an unintended side effect that tends to surprise the lawmakers more than anyone else.

Tenth Law

The Kulturkampf is the regime's secondary theater of operations where the struggle is fought not primarily for money (though that too) but for the redistribution of high quality christian pussy.