u/THroWAwaYyfuckw

I think this term has become such a vague online buzzword that people use it without even defining what it actually means. Sometimes it describes a real pattern of behavior but honestly a lot of the time it seems to just be describing bi women who are in relationships with men or have a preference for dating men.

Centering your life around a partner is not the same thing as centering men. Most people structure their lives around the person they’re building a future with. If that partner happens to be male, we’re suddenly “male centered”. Or if a bisexual woman leaves a relationship with a woman, then her next relationship is with a man, she’s male centered.

I find it interesting that this is often a phrase used specifically to describe bi women. Straight women are given a pass because they have no choice but to date men. So when a bisexual woman who has the choice to date women, chooses to date a man, a lot of people have this idea that it makes her less queer or less feminist. I cannot count how many times I’ve seen this sentiment online “why would you EVER choose to date a man when you have the option to date women”. Not to mention all the posts about it being embarrassing to have a boyfriend now and a lot of other similar sentiment.

The funny thing is that’s not even what the actual definition of male centered is. It was never meant to mean choosing to have relationships with men or having a preference for men. It was originally meant to describe women whose entire worldview revolves seeking male validation and approval above everything else. Those are two completely different concepts. Being male centered really was never meant to be about queer women having relationships with men. You can be male centered and literally never date a man.

I’m honestly just tired of constantly seeing bisexual women’s relationships framed through this negative lens. It creates an environment where bi women feel like they have to minimize their attraction to men in order to feel valid and accepted in their community. I think the popularity and over use of the term “male centered” has been perpetuating that problem.

Is anyone else just… tired?