u/TR0Y0RE

Newly diagnosed. My family and I are in our annual 4th of July camping trip and I just had a seizure in front of everyone.

My nephew and nieces all just saw me have a seizure for the first time and they are understandably not handling too well.

They think I’m dying and the youngest two are afraid it’s going to happen to them.

I’m not overly concerned for the tons of adults that saw(first time in public) but I’m having a hard time with the littles.

They’re practically my world!

I’m starting therapy tomorrow but I’m so scared.

The thought that at any moment, anywhere it can happen is so… debilitating.

Went from showering 2x a day to 2-3x a week and they’re so short now. I don’t sleep in my room upstairs that much anymore.

This is all so overwhelming. My memory is SO SO bad. My emotions are all over the place.

I don’t know if I am over reacting. It feels like it most of the time. Hopefully tomorrow’s therapy can help.

Long story short I woke up in hospital and found out I’d been found unconscious on 3 separate occasions(2x with no clothes) and finally on the last one they decided to call EMS.

I was in my room which is a disgusting mess. It’s not the worst it’s been but it’s still awful. Also a few personal items I definitely did not want seen by anyone.

Now I know they see this stuff and worse on the job but I still feel bad and ashamed.

The worst part is the responding officers were my sister in laws Dad and Uncle. Both really cool dudes but I’m just so embarrassed and now I’m worried the whole family will know.

I have much bigger/important things to do yet this is all I can think about!!!

How do you get over the guilt of your depression areas? I try so hard to keep it clean but when I do it’s like a day later it’s almost back to the way it was.

After everything that’s happened I’m trying to look on the bright side. All this shit I’ve gone through in the past few weeks has made it where I’ve finally been able to stop smoking(weed and nicotine), drinking, and my porn addiction. Something I NEVER thought I’d be able to say.

I can definitely say that of the 3, porn is the only one that’s been heavy on my mind and I’m trying so hard not to break.

It’s wild to me that it is so damn hard to kick and stay away from.