u/TangerineUnlikely1

FTM, came out to my mom six months ago and recently wrote her to share my new name because I didn't want her to find out when I updated it on socials, email address, etc.

She hasn't written back and it has been over a week now. Our relationship has been distant for a while because my dad is very conservative and has anger issues which fractured our family dynamic when I confronted him about this as a young adult (pre-transition / egg crack). But I once considered my mom to be my advocate and miss her and said this as much in my email. She never says she misses me, too. She never says "I love you" anymore.

I feel deflated and sad. Looking for words of support or advice on how to feel better. How long did it take you to believe and support your child?

Posting again but keeping it short this time in hopes it'll be easier for folks to take in and respond since my other post didn't get any traction.

How do you support a partner who - after coming out to their family - is rejected for it?

Alternatively, if you've experienced this in your partnership, can you share if and when the hurt starts to fade?

Thank you in advance.

He started testosterone in November 2025 and came out to his mom in early 2026. We've been together since summer of 2025 but prior to that we were friends for over a decade (both identified as queer women for that period of time).

I love him deeply and it is breaking my heart to see how much he misses his mom in particular. His dad and brother are conservative and deal with anger issues so those relationships have been suffering for a while (aka hurts but not as much). He used to be close to his mom, though, and recently sent her an email about his new first name. In the email, he said he loves and misses her and she didn't write back - just texted a day or two later to say basically that "this is a lot"... but she's known he's trans since January so it isn't exactly new news. She won't say "I love you, too." She won't really say anything. I can tell it's very painful for him even though he struggles to express it sometimes.

I know it's not my job to "fix" this and even if it was, I know that's not possible. I can't change how his family reacts. I just feel so impotent right now. I wish we knew other trans men so he had someone to relate to on this level but we don't.

Did you experience this, either as a trans person or a partner? Did it get better? When and how? I just need some hope right now, for both of us.

Me (cis f, 40) and my partner (ftm, also 40) have been friends for over a decade and romantic partners since May 2025. He came out to me as trans about four months into our romantic relationship and we've been working through his transition together - I learned how to overcome my anxiety around giving him his testosterone shots in the glute and now do it once a week. I found us a transmasc couples therapist which has been really helpful. I took a full time job in part so we could have better health insurance, I work so I can help pay the bills as he struggles with body dysmorphia and can't really deal with finding a job right now. And I love him so much. Being friends for so long before coupling up has given us a really strong foundation.

But the thing I struggle with the most in this relationship is that the relationship always comes second to his transition. If hormones are causing him to feel like he needs to be alone, I am politely asked to leave him alone. Not meaning for a day but for days at a time. And when I express affection in these times apart, he struggles to reciprocate. He can hear my needs (primarily the need to feel loved and to experience reciprocity when I show love) but admits he can't always respond to those needs. He admits that in our relationship, his mental health journey and transition take priority over his ability to nurture our relationship or provide emotional support to me the way I try to do for him.

This has come up in couple's therapy in a few different ways, and our therapist is often helpful in offering suggestions for how we can better support one another. And we have a session tomorrow where it will probably come up again because this past weekend wasn't great and he has needed alone time ever since. He says he's just exhausted (and by "not great" I mean he didn't really want to do anything with me and mostly just stared at his phone, laptop, or Nintendo Switch).

I'm hoping for empathy more than advice, I think. But maybe that's because I'm scared the advice will mirror a thought I have that my own individual therapist has brought up before: he might just not have the emotional or mental bandwidth for a relationship right now. I asked him if he'd rather be single while he transitions and he said, "I don't know." Honest... but fuck, what a sad reason for two people who really love one another to not work out. Timing really is everything I guess. How much time do I wait for the person I'm in love with to be able to consistently love me?

Sometimes he's great at this and romantic and kind and sexual and we're awesome. But at least one third of the time (conservatively), I'm basically the only one nurturing the relationship.

Is that normal and does it pass? Or am I just prolonging the inevitable with somebody who may need years at this level of disengagement?