u/TasteSpecialist1359

I already posted this on another forum but someone suggested me to post it here.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. (29M) (25F)
His mother has always been considered by everyone as an angel, but from the moment I started spending time with her I immediately realized it’s all a mask, and she is the most fake and manipulative person I have ever met.
She is the classic mother obsessed with her son: when he is at home he is not allowed to lift a finger and she does absolutely everything for him—washing for him, ironing for him, packing his bags, and literally anything else.
I don’t think she has ever liked me. I think she has always just pretended. In fact, she has often made very inappropriate comments about his ex in front of me, telling me intimate sexual details about their relationship and implying they were practically married, constantly calling her “the little one” in front of me.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, has never defended me, and his mother has already been the cause of arguments in the past.
This year my boyfriend had a complication due to surgery, and that’s when the nightmare began.
He needed care while he was in the hospital, and I witnessed disgusting scenes. His mother would literally snatch things out of my hands and push me away (physically push me) so she could do everything herself, trying to even wash him, including intimate parts, putting her hands on him even when he was capable of doing it himself. She would get angry if I so much as did a load of laundry for him.
When he was unconscious, she tried to convince me that she was more important than me and that he needed her, not me.
She repeatedly humiliated him publicly, sending voice messages to people about his intimate details, even about how he went to the bathroom, to the point that his friends were messaging me asking me to stop her.
She also repeatedly spread lies, such as claiming he was saved thanks to her and not the doctors, and that he once cried because she supposedly wouldn’t be able to stay (none of this ever happened).
When he regained consciousness, he started to slightly stand up for himself, but she would sulk and get angry, and he would then give in to please her. We had to beg just to have time alone together.
I should also add that she has always made inappropriate comments about her son’s physical appearance, to the point where I prefer not to write them here.
Another thing I discovered is that she has told many lies about her ex-husband (the father of her children), probably to turn us against him. She is a pathological liar.
I could write a book about everything that happened during this hospital period; there isn’t enough space to describe it all, but this gives an idea.
Now I’m staying at their house because there is no way I’m going to let her, who I genuinely think is a psychopath, be alone giving her son—whom she is obsessed with—his shower. Living here is a nightmare.
She ignores me, especially when he is not watching. For example, if I say good morning she looks at me and doesn’t answer. She only speaks to us in the singular, as if I don’t exist. If we go out, she only asks him what he did and whether he enjoyed himself.
If we go out for more than two days in a row, she gives him the silent treatment and tries to make him feel guilty. She also looks for any excuse to touch him—for example removing his socks while he is lying down, even when he didn’t ask for it.
She has already taken time off work to attend every hospital visit he has scheduled, and she always tries to speak to the doctors instead of him, not giving him space to talk and making him look stupid.
I am exhausted, completely drained, and I think I seriously need therapy. The worst part is that he doesn’t defend me. He says I am right but that it is something between me and his mother and I should talk to her myself.
But how can he not understand? She is his mother—this involves him. Everything she does is about his body and life, and it should bother him too. But he doesn’t seem to care, probably because he was raised like this and is afraid to stand up to her.
I am also afraid that if he has another surgery, I will have to go through all of this again.
I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. (29M) (25F)
His mother has always been considered by everyone as an angel, but from the moment I started spending time with her I immediately realized it’s all a mask, and she is the most fake and manipulative person I have ever met.
She is the classic mother obsessed with her son: when he is at home he is not allowed to lift a finger and she does absolutely everything for him—washing for him, ironing for him, packing his bags, and literally anything else.
I don’t think she has ever liked me. I think she has always just pretended. In fact, she has often made very inappropriate comments about his ex in front of me, telling me intimate sexual details about their relationship and implying they were practically married, constantly calling her “the little one” in front of me.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, has never defended me, and his mother has already been the cause of arguments in the past.
This year my boyfriend had a complication due to surgery, and that’s when the nightmare began.
He needed care while he was in the hospital, and I witnessed disgusting scenes. His mother would literally snatch things out of my hands and push me away (physically push me) so she could do everything herself, trying to even wash him, including intimate parts, putting her hands on him even when he was capable of doing it himself. She would get angry if I so much as did a load of laundry for him.
When he was unconscious, she tried to convince me that she was more important than me and that he needed her, not me.
She repeatedly humiliated him publicly, sending voice messages to people about his intimate details, even about how he went to the bathroom, to the point that his friends were messaging me asking me to stop her.
She also repeatedly spread lies, such as claiming he was saved thanks to her and not the doctors, and that he once cried because she supposedly wouldn’t be able to stay (none of this ever happened).
When he regained consciousness, he started to slightly stand up for himself, but she would sulk and get angry, and he would then give in to please her. We had to beg just to have time alone together.
I should also add that she has always made inappropriate comments about her son’s physical appearance, to the point where I prefer not to write them here.
Another thing I discovered is that she has told many lies about her ex-husband (the father of her children), probably to turn us against him. She is a pathological liar.
I could write a book about everything that happened during this hospital period; there isn’t enough space to describe it all, but this gives an idea.
Now I’m staying at their house because there is no way I’m going to let her, who I genuinely think is a psychopath, be alone giving her son—whom she is obsessed with—his shower. Living here is a nightmare.
She ignores me, especially when he is not watching. For example, if I say good morning she looks at me and doesn’t answer. She only speaks to us in the singular, as if I don’t exist. If we go out, she only asks him what he did and whether he enjoyed himself.
If we go out for more than two days in a row, she gives him the silent treatment and tries to make him feel guilty. She also looks for any excuse to touch him—for example removing his socks while he is lying down, even when he didn’t ask for it.
She has already taken time off work to attend every hospital visit he has scheduled, and she always tries to speak to the doctors instead of him, not giving him space to talk and making him look stupid.
I am exhausted, completely drained, and I think I seriously need therapy. The worst part is that he doesn’t defend me. He says I am right but that it is something between me and his mother and I should talk to her myself.
But how can he not understand? She is his mother—this involves him. Everything she does is about his body and life, and it should bother him too. But he doesn’t seem to care, probably because he was raised like this and is afraid to stand up to her.
I am also afraid that if he has another surgery, I will have to go through all of this again.
I don’t know what to do.