AITA for feeling resentment towards my.. boyfriend because of financial issues?
I've (39F) been seeing my guy(40M) since the beginning of May.
Since then, he's racked up a £200 debt with me.
Personally, I feel that's a lot for the beginning of the relationship.
He's also asked me to purchase things for him, and he'll pay me back. Which he hasn't done. We also took a trip to London paid for by yours truly.
He works as a painter decorator/handy maintenance man.
He does get a fair bit of business but constantly complains that people are not paying him, and he's too shy to ask for his money????
He also makes up excuses for not going to work, like the weather?! He will not work if it's raining.
If he was doing a garden, I could understand. Or had something to do with health and safety. But it's not!! He's hanging doors!! This erked me a bit. Especially since he owes me money.
Sometimes, he'd randomly say he doesn't feel like working!!
He cut his finger cleaning the garden and sent me a picture, complaining that he couldn't finish the job.. I urged him to go either walk in centre or A&E to get it cleaned, xrayed, and stitched up.
This took him 2 days, not working to go walk in centre. I had to threaten him with no 😺 to get it sorted!?
Once stitched and dressed, he thanked me. He felt he could go back to work as it stopped paining him.
That same night, he got the dressing wet, took it off, and said he could not work without it. I asked why he got it wet. He said it was an accident in the shower.
I'd been helping him out with his work by dropping him to his jobs and picking him and his colleagues up, taking them where they need to go.
I suggested he did his driving lessons to get around (I have my own full-time job and kids to look after, so I can't always be there, and he never puts in petrol!!) He didn't seem to want to do that?
I got a massive ICK when I found out he knows a girl I used to work with, and he also owed her money.
She had sent him a message saying; "Still broke, I see!! 🤮" he let me read the conversation. I'm not sure if it was a good or bad idea, though, because after all this, it's made me lose a bit of respect for him.
I tried having a conversation with him about the fact he owes 2 women money, but he got defensive, talking about me listening to other people and shut it down.
I haven't actually spoken to her, but now I'm tempted to send her a 'hey girly' text, but I'm not sure if that's doing too much??
The last straw was when I got him a gardening job at my best friends.
She has a HUGE overgrown garden/jungle. He quoted her a price which she was happy to pay, however its not a 1 man nor 1 day job.
He asked 2 other people to help him out.
The first issue was that he didn't listen to how she wanted the garden, hacked out her hedge, and about 4 trees. Leaving a Robins nest just dangling from branches. It looked a complete mess, and she was understandably unhappy.
I told him, to rectify the situation, he'd have to give her a discount, as he got rid of trees she didn't want removing. He wasn't happy with that because then it led to the second issue.
He had told the guys he bought with him, he'd pay them by the day!! Him doing this would mean that he's out of pocket paying them AND doing the job for free!!
This pisses him off, and he refused to finish the job!
I advised him it was in his best interest to finish the job and left the conversation at that.
The following day, he calls to apologise and says he will give the discount and finish the job, but he needs money to pay the guys. He asked for another loan and that he would give me back when my friend pays him (they had a payment arrangement that they both agreed with).
I tell him I don't have the money, but I'll ask my mum.
I'll admit, that was a lie. I had no intentions of asking my mum. He has a brother, running businesses he could have asked. And i didn't really wanna make his problems mine. If he's not getting paid for this job, when will I be paid? Baring in mind, he already owed me!
Over the past few weeks, I feel resentment has built up because of all this. I mean from start til now of our relationship.
There have been plenty of times I've tried to speak about it with no solution as he never wants to talk.
AITAH for feeling like this, or am i justified??