I regret getting pregnant
Let me start this off with saying, there are so many things that I stupidly did not think about before becoming pregnant. And that I stupidly looked over when we got together at the age of 20. That is on me. I’ve (23F) been in a relationship with my current boyfriend (25M) for three years. When we first got together, he was in barber school, and working as a pizza delivery man. I worked in sales full time, and did nails in a shop on weekends. I had my own place, two bedroom, and a car payment, on top of helping my physically disabled mother and younger siblings financially. I made enough money to do this comfortably and still have a fair enough of money left over throughout the week for regular expenses such as gas, food, a bit of savings and the occasional treat. But it did not exceed this, because the economy we live in can be brutal, and sales are not always consistent. When I met my boyfriend, I had the mentality to not judge someone for their finances, but for their character, morals and values. In the beginning things were great, but eventually he started staying at my house every single day, and when I would try to put up boundaries, ask him to go home or put some space between us he’d make me feel really bad. This went on for months. It’s not that I didn’t want to be around him, but I didn’t feel like it was fair for him to basically be living with me while I handled all of the bills, especially having two people in the house then raising cost of the water bill, groceries, and electric bill since he always set my thermostat to be colder than what I usually liked it at. Because he was in school, I know he did not make enough money to help with bills, and so instead of asking him to contribute I put space between us instead of having him basically live with me rent free. After a year and a half he finished barber school, is now in a shop and we’ve since moved somewhere a lot more affordable that we’d split the costs of living. A lot of times he’d be irresponsible with his money (he is a vaper and a smoker) so sometimes his last would go towards a new vape or cart. He also eats out a lot, even though I am an amazing cook he is very picky and is used to fast food, specifically pizza which he orders a lot, and will eat almost two pizzas by himself. Within the past 6 months the company I did sales for had laid everyone off, so now I do nails full time. Things got better with him for a few months financially, we got to a point where things would fall on me so much that we started seeing a couples therapist because we were about to split up because I couldn’t handle it anymore. Within that time period i got pregnant, and because things were better I decided to keep the pregnancy, and I’m now 6 months pregnant. I’ve had a very hard pregnancy, suffering from HG which has dramatically decreased the amount I’m able to work. I now have money to still pay half of the bills, but usually I don’t have extra money past occasional grocery trips, and providing everything for the house (toiletries, soaps, hygiene products, etc) since I’ve gotten pregnant with it being so hard, I’m now in a position where although I can pay my half, it’s too hard to work enough to pay it all on my own- which he knows and sees I am less likely to leave the relationship. He has gotten worse financially again, sometimes falling short on his end of the bills leaving me having to overwork while dealing with HG, stress, and make up for where he falls short. This is very worrying because after I give birth, I will be 100% relying on him to support us financially because I will have a child to take care of and do not have family to help me with childcare while I work. The only thing I can do now is try to save as much money as possible (which is hard because he falls short so often) and have a month or two of childcare saved up so I can work and pay for childcare (this is assuming I leave the relationship because he isn’t playing his part so why keep him around anyway.) It’s just that with expensive as it is, to pay all of the bills and childcare is going to be very hard.If it gets to a point where I have to stress and take this route, I absolutely cannot see myself staying with him even if he is contributing some because I’d have so much resentment for the relationship. It’s frustrating because he has no ambition to do better. There are times he falls short and instead of trying to do DoorDash, or Amazon flex (which he’s approved for) he relies on me to pick up where he falls short. Every. Time. And if I simply just don’t contribute where he falls short, we will lose our apartment or fall behind on bills. I’m to the point now where if I weren’t pregnant, I’d make him go and be able to work full time and do it all myself, not being in a stressful situation such as this. But I’m too attached to my 6 month old fetus so get an abortion so late, or even think of doing it with as big as my baby is now. I feel so stuck. Before pregnancy, i was independent. I had my own apartment, a car, a career, income, and responsibilities that I was successfully managing. I had the ability to say, “This relationship isn’t working for me, so I can leave.”
Now im pregnant, dealing with HG, my ability to work has been severely reduced, and im looking at a future where i may have to depend financially on the same person ive repeatedly had to compensate for. And I know it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have gotten pregnant based off of better circumstances that I knew could possibly be temporary, because they changed drastically.
Edit- I cannot stay with family as I used to support my mom financially and she now lives with other family members, there is no space for me and it wouldn’t be an option. I’m basically on my own
Another edit for the “it’s all your fault, this is what you wanted” comments. NOBODY is perfect. I am in my early 20s where people are notorious for not being perfect. Please be easy on me.