Title: I just found out my partner of 3 years cheated on me with 30+ people. I don't know how to process this.
I'm 38(M) . He's 23(M). We were together for 3 years.
Yesterday a friend who used to live with us told me the truth about who he really is. He cheated on me from the very first day I let him move into my house. He brought men into my bed, took pictures of them sleeping naked there. He slept with friends of ours, people who came to our house, who I trusted. More than 20 people over two years.
He's polyamorous, apparently which I don't belive. But he never told me. He kept me in a monogamous relationship while living a completely different life behind my back. He chose me for stability, the home, the support, the loyalty, while he was falling deeply in love with a close friend of ours, to the point of writing a book about him.
I caught him on Grindr twice. The first time was on Christmas. He denied it to my face, made me feel crazy. Then drugged himself and cut himself in the bathroom so I would come back. I did. His mother died shortly after I ended things the second time, in December. I came back to support him through that grief. He swore he had changed. I believed him.
Days ago he confessed he was talking sexually with another guy. I left. He admitted he would have done the same again, that he didn't know how to stop himself.
I cried for his mother like she was mine. I gave him 10,000€ to open a café that is in his name only. He still hasn't paid me back.
He was the love of my life and he used to say I was the love of his life....
He's also been self-harming since he was a teenager. Smokes hash daily to silence the voices in his head. Has zero ability to be alone with himself. Compulsive sexual behavior. Possibly borderline.
I blocked him last night. I have therapy scheduled. I have STI tests scheduled. I told his aunt the truth so he couldn't keep playing the victim.
I'm 38. I'm starting over. I have nothing left in the city where we lived together. All the friends and family there are his.
I don't even know what I'm asking. I just needed to put it somewhere. If anyone has been through something similar, I'd appreciate hearing how you got through the first weeks. 😭