How does a non binary decides to take T?
Hi, i’m 21 (he/they) and I found out I was non binary when I was 14, jumped through bigender and gender fluid till I found out I was actually agender.
So, a month ago I had a little episode and my friend helped me (the context is really long and uncomfortable), I started going on a rant about how I was never gonna be a real boy, how I would never be able to do things boys do, and have the things boys have.
Like: Mainly build, deep voice, goatee, have sex, masturbate and ejaculate like a boy, but here’s the switch, I don’t want to be a boy, at least not for now and never wanted to, yes, ever since a child I would express how much I wanted to be born a boy, still, I would love to be born a man (not raised tho) but I don’t know if I can transition into one.
I’ve searched all the surgeries (meta and phallo) and idk it kinda of gets me because I have lived in this body for 21 years, I got used to the body, and I don’t know how it would be changing it, like, I love my pussy and the feeling it brings me, when I was a kid I had a dream that I had both private parts (pussy and dick) and it was amazing, I wish I could have that but I can’t.
So yeah that’s it, I know many people are gonna tell me to take this slow because I haven’t even started T yet, but that’s the thing, I want to be sure on what I want so I don’t regret it, I know you can stop T whenever you want but there are irreversible things like bottom growth, and i really don’t know how my mental health would be if I regretted taking T and never have a pussy again.
I also know that the way you see yourself can change on T and yes I have a therapist, just wanted to know people’s experiences.
I don’t know if you’ll be able to understand me but I hope somebody can help me because I spend hours on my day thinking how much I would love myself more if I had a goatee, mainly build, how much my self esteem steam would spike and things like that but at times I just get myself thinking “this body is ok” because im used to so many things in it and I don’t know how it would be to change it.
Like yeah im okay in this body but I don’t feel pretty, i’m not polite, I hate myself, life and everything, I am super irritable with everything, I used to sh when I was 12, I have anger issues, you know? i’m ok in this body but anyone can tell I don’t love or even like it.
I’m 21, 5’2 in height, weighs 100lbs max and have an ectomorph biotype, I dont know if this will change that much but i’m not ready to, I want to be bulkier and taller but also don’t know if that’s gonna happen.
you don’t have to give me advice, if you could only reply with a relatable experience that would already be awesome, thank you everyone and sorry if I made any keyboard mistake 🙄
I posted this because i’m having A LOT of trouble seeing the future “but do you see yourself with a feminine or masculine body type?” like I don’t know bro i’ve been thinking abt unaliving myself since I was 12 😭😭 but yeah it really bothers me in public when someone looks at me and asks “are you a girl or a boy” and I love it but I gotta take all my happiness away by answering “girl” but yeah I don’t feel like neither and don’t want to be neither despite wanting a mainly body, like I can’t imagine myself replying “boy” to this or even seeing myself like a boy.
GUYS IM TALKING ABT THE CLITORIS NOT THE VAGINAL CANAL HAHA SORRY