u/Technical-Fuel1799

I (24F) work with a coworker (35M). We’re on the same team but based in different offices, so we work together remotely and haven’t actually met in person yet. (HE IS MARRIED)

When I first joined the company, he was assigned as my onboarding buddy. We got along pretty quickly. He found me funny and would joke about me being the youngest person on the team. Over time, we developed a pretty playful dynamic.

I also want to be clear about something before people jump to conclusions: I do not want anything romantic or sexual with him. I genuinely value the relationship as it is. I see him more as a mentor, someone I trust professionally and personally, and I would actually be hurt if the dynamic changed because of feelings or attraction on either side.

Recently, we were talking about the fact that we’re finally going to meet in person.

I asked him:

Me: “Are you happy that we’re going to meet each other in real life!!”

Him: “sure”

Then he sent me a GIF saying:

“I WANT IT, BUT I DON’T.”

I was confused, so I asked:

Me: “Want what?”

He replied in three separate messages:

Him: “To me you. but also…”

Him: “not”

Him: “?”

I said:

Me: “I don’t get it”

And sent a confused GIF.

He never explained what he meant and just moved on from the conversation.

The reason I’m overthinking the wording is that he is normally VERY intentional and analytical with language. We’ve had philosophical debates before where he will literally dissect the meaning of specific words, argue about definitions, logic, objective truth, etc. If I misunderstand something he actually wants me to understand, he normally has no problem explaining or arguing his point.

So the fact that I explicitly said “I don’t get it” and he chose not to clarify stood out to me.

I initially wondered whether “to me you” was just a typo for “to meet you,” but I have a hard time believing that because:

1. He could have immediately corrected it when I said I didn’t understand.
2. Instead, he left it unexplained and changed the subject.
3. The original GIF itself was already strangely ambivalent: “I want it, but I don’t.”
4. He specifically wrote “you,” not anything else.

I’m not trying to convince myself that this is romantic or sexual. If anything, I’m hoping I’m reading too much into it because I really do not want this relationship to become complicated.

How would you interpret “to me you… but also not?” in this context?

Does it sound like he was trying to say “I want to meet you, but I also don’t”? Or could he have been implying “I want you, but I also don’t” and then backed away from explaining it?

And especially for people who are very deliberate with language: would you read anything into the fact that he refused to clarify after I explicitly told him I didn’t understand?

Also, given that we’re coworkers, there’s an 11-year age gap, and I see him as a mentor, does that change how you would interpret his hesitation?

(HE IS MARRIED)