Incredibly Discouraged
I'm looking for advice. I know I have things I can work on, as does everyone. I could be slimmer. I could have a better job. I could have a nicer smile. I could wear better clothes. All of these are things I'm working on, but they're all also fairly superficial. I made a post recently asking what was wrong with me, which I have since deleted, and on that post, I got a great deal of encouragement, which I appreciated. Lately, however, I have come to the conclusion that my problems must run deeper than the superficial. The one thing I cannot change is my personality. I have recently reached out on a couple of intros, and have frankly had my self-esteem pretty thoroughly shattered.
I fully understand that nobody I try to talk to owes me a conversation, but there is something more personal, and more painful, about having my attempt to reach out actually get *downvoted,* as though I am so far beneath these women that even saying hello personally offended them. I would much rather just be ignored. Should I just throw in the towel? Attempting to date has done nothing but reinforce all of my worst thoughts about myself.
I know that my sense of worth ultimately needs to come from God. My sense of purpose can only be found in doing His will. That said, I cannot help but feel the pain of being so completely unwanted. It is hard to keep trying when, on the few occasions where I have formed a connection with somebody, God has seen fit to end the relationship very quickly. I always pray that God's will would be done before starting any venture. It seems to me that His will is for me to be single.
I either need to grow in my relationship with God before He will bless me with a relationship, or I need to face the possibility that I am simply not meant to find someone. I am not sure which is the case.