u/TemporaryStress1448

My Nana passed away 4 months ago after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. She truly was one of the most important people in my life 🥰

Chicken breast, jasmine rice, and black beans/corn

I’m (28F) coming on here to vent to all of you and try and make sense of my life. I have been in a relationship for a year and a half (we met November 2024) and just celebrated our 1 year anniversary last month. He’s (31M) and lives at home with his parents still because he does all of the upkeep on it for them (they’re older) and he gets the house whenever they pass. At first, it was a turn off for me but now I truly don’t mind it because I see how much he does for them and how hard it is to live on your own and be able to afford everything (I’ve been doing it for a year). I’ve gotten extremely close with his mother and I recently lost my grandmother 3 months ago - 3 days after my birthday and his mother was there to comfort me as he was at work when I found out the news. I truly don’t know how to process all of the grief on my own. He’s been great as far as showing up for me and showing me true love and support since it’s happened, but our relationship is nowhere near perfect. He’s my first serious relationship ever and before me he was in a four and a half year relationship with someone who left him because she wanted to get married and have kids and he didn’t want that with her. I’m undecided if I want children yet, and him and I have talked about it and he said he would be open to it, but we both agreed we’re not there yet.

I’m worried that I allow him to be too comfortable with doing and saying certain things that he may have gotten away with in his previous relationship(s). Anytime we have an argument, it usually gets blown out of proportion into something bigger and we can’t sit down and have a mature conversation. He tends to shutdown and ask me to leave and then I find myself crawling back trying to repair it. It’s emotionally exhausting. Last night, it happened again. We spent the night with his family celebrating his nephews graduation and we both drank A LOT. I went into it exhausted from working the morning (I’m a server) and not getting enough sleep the night prior. Lately, we’ve been good going out together and drinking but I truly believe that it’s starting to become an issue. He didn’t agree with the way I spoke to his sister’s neighbor as we were leaving the party because he kept trying to start fights with her husband and I just snapped. We left immediately after and he repeatedly told me to “shut the f*ck up”. The argument continued as we went into the house and it resulted in me having a panic attack (I get them randomly during bad arguments) and his mom woke up and came down to check on us. He said “this shit is so embarrassing. We are done. I can’t believe you have my mother down here because you can’t handle your liquor.” And he just kept going. She intervened and told him to stop and that I’m hurting right now and I just need support and he wouldn’t stop going off about it. He stormed out and left for 20 minutes as she calmed me down and told me I just need to let him get a breather and to go lay down. I end up falling asleep shortly after and when I woke up throughout the night I saw he was sleeping on the couch.

Fast-forward to this morning. I woke up to use the bathroom and when I came back down he was awake and he told me I need to get an uber so I can go get my car at his sister’s because he doesn’t want to be around me right now. I sat down next to him and tried to have a mature conversation with him and apologized for my part of it but he didn’t take accountability for his part. How is it that I can forgive him so easily for the things he says when he’s drunk but he can’t show some compassion for his girlfriend who is clearly struggling with grief? This is how most of our argument’s go. I ended up calling myself an Uber. Gave him an awkward hug and kiss before I left and apologized to his mom on the way out. Now I’m back home, feeling empty, but somewhat at peace with wherever our relationship is at right now because I get to sit in my own company, watch shows I love, and eat food that I enjoy in the home that I pay for. I love this man with every fiber of my being but I don’t have the mental capacity to fight anymore. Alcoholism is a huge issue in my family and an even bigger one in his. I just pray that he wakes up and realizes he does have a good woman that tolerates way more than she should. I really do try. I just know that alcohol doesn’t make me feel any better and I can’t always control what I say or do in the heat of the moment when I’m intoxicated. I do have an army of people around me who love and support me and I am so grateful for it but I just wish my partner could pull his head out of his ass and grow up because I truly don’t know how much longer I’m willing to deal with this. Anyway, this meal was delicious and it’s my go to for after the gym.