u/TennisOdd8931

I’ve noticed that there are many people living with undiagnosed or poorly managed mental health conditions and as a mental health nurse, I find it genuinely concerning.

What worries me even more is knowing that some men / women & families are conducting marriages while dealing with conditions such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and other serious mental health challenges without receiving the proper assessment, treatment, or support they need.

A big part of the problem seems to be the stigma surrounding mental illness. Families may refuse to acknowledge that a son, daughter, sibling, or relative needs help because they’re afraid of what people will say. In many cases, mental health problems are still attributed primarily to spiritual causes, leading people to seek only spiritual solutions while delaying medical care.

Why isn’t mental health taken more seriously & why does the stigma remain so strong when these are medical conditions that can often be treated and managed?

I left my husband after a month because of physical abuse. A year later, he's refusing to cooperate with the divorce and has been destroying my reputation to anyone who would listen. What can I do?

Context: About two years ago, I met my husband while I was abroad doing charity work. I'm an American-Nigerian, raised in the US, and although we'd followed each other on Instagram since 2020 and conversed online, we'd never met in person until then.

When we finally met, everything seemed perfect. He came across as kind, generous, attentive and respectful. I genuinely believed I'd found the right person. His family was well respected in their community and wealthy and after a few months, we introduced our Families and started planning for our wedding.

There were a few red flags while we were dating, but I convinced myself they were misunderstandings that could be worked through.

Three days before our wedding, he suddenly became furious over something that had happened when we'd only just started dating. I'd gone out with friends without telling him because, at that point, we had only recently begun seeing each other. He accused me of cheating, called me a "fucking liar" and "trash," and refused to believe me. I noticed that little things that would happen, he would keep bringing up despite me explaining and apologising. Looking back, I should have called off the wedding, but I felt immense pressure because both families were already involved and his parents had begged me not to ruin their reputation and continue.

On the wedding night, he refused to spend time with me and looked miserable. During the ceremony itself, guests even asked me if everything was okay because he looked like he didn't want to be there. Even when I would crack jokes, he’d take it the wrong way and behaved like I was detestable,

The marriage became a nightmare almost immediately.

He regularly invited friends over but excluded me from conversations and made comments like, "You shouldn't be too available," or, "If you only knew what my friends say about you” and constantly made me feel unwelcome in my own home.

Just two days after the wedding, he demanded our marriage certificates. When I questioned why he wanted them so urgently, he became violent and hit me.

Over the next few days, he would throw my belongings out of the house after arguments and tell me to leave over the smallest things, like me asking whether he was okay or wanting to spend time with him and him making himself unavailable. It genuinely felt like he resented my existence and acted as though he'd been forced into marrying me.

By the third day of our marriage, he was physically assaulting me regularly. He would use whatever was nearby to hit me.

To everyone else, though, he appeared to be the perfect husband. Around family and friends, he acted completely differently, while behind closed doors he insulted, isolated, and abused me.

I had left a well-paying job to relocate and build a life with him, but instead he made me feel worthless. At one point I was offered a job opportunity, but he discouraged me from taking it, saying, "If you get this job, you'll start acting like you're better than me."

After weeks of abuse followed by apologies and promises to change, I reached my breaking point.

The final straw came during the third week of our marriage when he held a knife to my face and threatened to kill me. I had scars all over my body.

I left the country the next day. The only reason he agreed to let me leave was because he believed I would help him secure immigration opportunities by returning to my home country.

Even after I left, we stayed in contact for a while, but every conversation ended in shouting match. He acted as though speaking to me was a burden, despite expecting me to remain available whenever he wanted.

Not long afterwards, one of his female employees moved into the house we had shared.

Eventually, after another argument, he told me he wanted a divorce and that I should move on with my life.

Around that time, I went out with one of my married friends, told him everything that had happened, and we took a few friendly photos together in a public place. I posted them on my WhatsApp status.

My husband immediately accused me of cheating. His parents seemed happy to believe that narrative because it allowed them to say the marriage had failed because we were both at fault rather than acknowledging the abuse.

Months later, I filed for divorce.

Since then, he has failed to attend court hearings multiple times, delaying the process. Meanwhile, he's been posting on social media about "cheating women," "Western women," and "non-submissive wives," clearly trying to paint me as the villain. He's even publicly posted the woman who moved into our marital home after I left - another a naive 20 year old - he is 31. I also believed the ‘my ex is crazy’ dialogue from him when we first started dating. We haven't spoken in months. As far as I know, he's still living with her and still painting a narrative this is untrue.

Since then, I’ve rebuilt my career once again, and purchased my own home. I am trying move on with my life relationally, but legally I'm still married because he keeps delaying the divorce process. It's so frustrating knowing he's spreading lies while refusing to let the marriage end. all his family and friends support his stupidly because of the photo that exists (it’s platonic but he has spun the narrative).

Is there anything else I can do to stop him from dragging this out?

I 26F met my partner 33M last year while rebuilding my life after a divorce from a violent marriage. From the beginning, he was everything my ex wasn’t; kind, patient, attentive, emotionally supportive, and generous. He’s very wealthy and helped me financially while I tried to get back into work and regain stability. Things became serious quickly and recently, we started talking about marriage, he introduced me to his family and we even started viewing houses together.

But despite all of that, I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that he was hiding something from me.

A few days ago, he told me he had developed a cold sore on his mouth. I panicked after googling it because I genuinely thought maybe I had picked something up at the gym and somehow passed it to him.

That’s when he finally sat me down and admitted he has HSV-1 and has had it since he was a child. He said he caught it through skin contact years ago and was too ashamed to tell me because he loved me and was terrified I would leave.

Before meeting him, I had been celibate for a long time and had never had an STI, so hearing this completely threw me. We’ve had sex multiple times throughout the relationship and at no point did he disclose that he had oral herpes.

Now I feel torn. On one hand, he has treated me better than anyone ever has and has been amazing to me in almost every way. On the other hand, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that if the cold sore never appeared, he admitted that he would not have told me.

That part is what’s making me feel sick.

What would you think or do in this situation?

Just wanted to know whether NYSC is still important to employers for getting a job. Will i not get one without? Had a few friends do it and they said it was a waste of their time. Any inroads in this topic would be appreciated.

Side question: how relevant do you think NYSC in today's world?

I'm at my wit's end and hoping this community has some wisdom.

I spent two years (2022 to late 2024) in two Salesforce roles (admin/ business analytics & developer role). I became certified then I changed jobs and moved into project management for a charity. When the market got brutal I took whatever paid the bills, including waitressing till date. I kept studying & certifying in salesforce so when I started applying again recently, recruiters were responsive and active.

The issue is I'm consistently getting through to final rounds of interviews and they genuinely go really well, but then I get the same email every single time:

"We've gone with someone with more years of experience."

I can't manufacture years I don't have. I have 2 solid years of cross-functional Salesforce experience & active certs I earned during the gap. I know I can do these jobs but I just can't seem to get over this last hurdle due to the gap of time I last worked in a SF role.

I'm open to any angle, I just want back in but need some guidance.