u/Terrible-Penalty-291

Hi Everyone! As you know people in Austin love dogs but they just can't get enough of them so I am here to provide ample supply. I have 15 unfixed male lab mixes on my apartment balcony here over on Riverside geared up and ready to breed. Bring your unfixed females over to my house along with $10,000 hard cash to pay me for my services and you can help bring new puppies into the world that you can sell to a loving home and make even more money. All female lab mixes will be screened by my wife to make sure they are genetically compatible with my dogs (sorry no Pekingese please). If you are looking for a lab mix pup of your own, I can provide you with a referral to those who bring their females to me. Know you are getting the best genetics from my puppers.

Edit: Since this has gotten so popular thanks to all of you, Reddit's genious AI recommends I cross-post this with r/DogBreeding. Should I do it?

https://preview.redd.it/gf7kcgozmvih1.png?width=1180&format=png&auto=webp&s=98ca924d3b58dd5d2f026750899ba5491b2b8795

It's a breeze driving down I-35 but damn the poor old highway can use some work. They need to widen the lanes, fix the potholes, and arrest the homeless man throwing rocks onto the highway from the bridge downtown. I want to see our tax dollars put to good use. I want to see more construction along I-35.

So I was hearing rumbling all day. Yeah it's probably thunder with the storms BUT I WANT YOU TO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT RAT BASTARD ELON MUSK! and I wonder what that sound was though IT MIGHT BE THE SOUND OF FACISM! What do you think it was? UPVOTE ME IF YOU HATE ELON MUSK TOO, I CRAVE CONFIRMATION.

Giant squid are huuuuuge. Big body means big brain, right? If they have big brains, how intelligent could they be? We know their cousins the octopi are really smart, smarter than most squid anyway, but what about giant squid? I figure the answer is going to be nobody really knows because living specimens of the giant squid have hardly been studied, but I got curious enough to ask.

All the people on reddit screeching "Weekend at Bernies" are going to be sorely disappointed. He will be back in a couple weeks and it will be buisness as usual.

Date: Now

Evidence: The fact he was not declared dead. No leaks about his health (someone would leak it if he was dead probably). His post today.

I used to enjoy watching football but probably the biggest turn off to watching NFL games is the obscene number of times that game stops so commercials can be shown on TV. It fees like is more ad time than game time. It's pretty much the reason I stopped watching. On 4th of July I was over at a friend's house and he put on NASCAR and I noticed something interesting. When it came time for an ad break, NASCAR put the race on a corner of the screen so you can keep watching it while the commercials ran. It then clicked in my head, why doesn't the NFL do this for football? Not only would it keep the game going at a reasonable pace, it might actually put more eyeballs on the advertisements themselves if people keep their heads turned towards the screen, which is what those marketing agencies want. It would be a win win for everyone! If something important happens during an ad break, they can always run a replay so you don't miss the commentary or anything like that. I would probably start watching football again if they did this.

After studying the demographics of who brings their dogs to HEB and cross checking with the animal shelter adoption records, me and my team of crack pyromaniacs have placed the loudest mortars we could smuggle in from out of the city limits around Austin at strategic locations where the maximum density of dog owners is and hooked them all up to automated fuses scheduled to go off between 4 and 5 am. This is just in a few hours. We also studied where the highest density of r/austin posters live who make comments about PTSD in veterans whenever the topic of fireworks comes up, despite never being in the military nor have any training in the field of mental health themselves. We have also placed our loud mortars near the highest density where those people live. I hope you all enjoy the noise!

No pets allowed? Well that doesn't apply to me. I am the main character and my puppers are the most important thing in the world.

It's okay, I know you'd rather put it in some random person's trashcan but that is such a waste when I am very hungry. My mouth already smells like rotting gingivitis so it's okay. I celebrate every time you put it in my mouth. You shouldn't even bag it, I will just lie on the ground with my mouth agape and have your dog go right up and squat.

This is what it is like living next to my butthole's data center.

I used to go scoff at dog owners who bring their dogs into HEB thinking it was disgusting violation of the health code. Until I became a full time lab mix breeder down on Riverside. I soon started to make a lot of money selling my pups to the dog fighting ring. All of a sudden I could afford to do the muffler delete on my car that I always wanted to and my perspective changed. I used to be a lamo but now I am cool and very masculine. I need to share this with reddit because I have a deep seated need for validation that I am indeed cool.

Today I took 20 of my lab mixes to HEB and let them run around unleashed. The employees just let me do it because I am now cool and better than everyone else. I can do what I want.

But then I came across a family with small children. My friendly lab mixes love biting the faces off of children, but I expected the parents of the children to keep their children leashed and under control while I let my pups do as they please because I am cooler and can get away with whatever I want. Well these parents didn't have their children leashed so my pups proceeded to rip their faces right off. All I ask is that you keep your children leashed or up in their shopping cart beacuse I cannot be held responsible for your poor parenting decisions.

Let me just say this. Having a ton of lab mix dogs in HEB makes me cool, and if you complain to the manager or call the police as my pups rip your kids' faces off, well that just makes you a total lame wad and you should go cry in a corner because that is all you are good for.

I get it, I am cool, and I have cool dogs and they can do what they want. You wish you could be me, but you aren't. Too bad. I just hope sharing this perspective will help all the lamos in HEB navigate public spaces..