i struggle with self discipline regarding going to places i dont need to go to, like mcdonalds, burger king and starbucks. i fully recognize that there is no excuse, but i don’t really know what to do now? it feels like i’m directly responsible for killing palestinians, so how exactly am i meant to make up for that? is continuing to try really enough? is this a false equivalency in my brain? i am successful with so many other places, hell i usually try with these places too, but ultimately, for reasons i just can’t explain, i fail sometimes. i keep excusing it with “oh it’s just this one last time” or “oh it’s just as a treat” but that doesn’t change anything

but even if there is a way to make up for this, and this one is definitely more selfish, do i deserve to be happy while doing so? to be happy while working on that self discipline? even if i do manage to make up for everything do i deserve to never be feeling the shame ever again?

please just be at least civil to me about this, i’m really at a loss for what to do with myself and am genuinely looking for advice. i’m sorry to the Palestinians for my own lack of discipline, it’s not good enough and you deserve better from me.

i do tend to overthink about dislikes and downvotes, and that’s what i’m thinking about since my last couple of posts seemed to have gotten more downvotes than upvotes, and i’m not stupid. i know that it’s hard to trust somebody who’s went to that horrid level i did, especially when they bring up a mental disorder. so let me word it this way:

i have drawn extreme things and i think anybody reading this should go find my posts and find out what exactly they were. if you really can’t find them, comment and i’ll link them.

but those things did hurt me, and despite everything i want to be better, but what am i actually meant to do? i don’t want to die, and i think you are objectively wrong if that’s something you wish on someone.

so what should i be doing to actually be that better person? i dont have anybody to apologize to besides myself i guess, i’ve already stopped this behavior, and i’m trying to stop people from falling into the same hell i did.

maybe i’m not an antishipper in the first place, but i sure as hell am not a proshipper. i don’t support or endorse the content and i never have, never will. that’s why i want to help people so they don’t have to turn to it.

if there’s something that bothers you about this post then just… say something. at the very least.

edit: i wonder if this reaction is just because it sounds like i’m blaming my OCD but i promise i’m not trying to, but i don’t think it’s entirely irrelevant either…? i don’t know, i really am trying to tell the truth because i want people to understand the situation i and frankly possibly others are in. if i didn’t feel like it wasn’t something to try and be open about to try and help then i wouldn’t. but i do feel that way

i just… genuinely don’t know what i’m meant to do if people won’t trust me, but i don’t want to live my life asking myself if anybody i met would trust me if they knew. but at the same time, that sounds like a miserable way to live. because i know i’m trying. i believe that about myself but i wish others could believe in me too, even if they knew everything i’ve done.

i think we often see this being said less as a genuine thing but more as just a way to tell someone to off themself without actually saying it, and then people are surprised when they DON’T get help because the other person understood it as NOT genuine advice

we’re honestly more just letting people who are struggling out to dry when maybe if we just extended a hand it wouldn't have to be that way

edit: is. is this community deathly afraid of criticism from the inside or something. that’s… not good????

i kinda wonder just how many of them fell down the darkfic rabbit hole due to some sort of addiction problem… something escalating to it

i ask cuz i was thinking about my own addiction to other things and the fact that i have seen some of the most extreme proship content you could think of. lolishota, noncon, gore. i specifically remember seeing one drawing that was all 3 and despite how immediately weirded out i was i couldn't forget it ever since and it’s been years. maybe im naive but i truly don’t inherently believe that the artist was inherently a bad person, they could absolutely have fallen that far down the escalation pipeline. and i think that’s probably hapoened to more people thab we know

tw for snuff

this might be a little petty but i was on tumblr and i was looking at fanart and posts about my comfort character, there’s always been this one person who would draw this character in a ship that i actually really like but it was always stuff that was so uncomfy for me but they were pretty much everywhere and i never knew if i should say something or if im just overthinking, especially since since this ship WAS kinda toxic (redeemed yuri!!!)

…and then i saw this person in the reblogs of another post talking about a snuff film about this character. like it wasnt even related to the original post. the post was. Completely Normal

also to make it worse. this is an object show character????????? like????????????? are we thinking right now????????????????

tw for lolishota, noncon

i’m noticing that a number of lolishotas don’t seem to see a connection between that and noncon because they depict the child as “consenting” just through the fact that they can SAY yes and it’s crazy to me that they… don’t… know how children work…???

children say dumb things all the time. they do dumb things all the time. why? because they don’t understand the ramifictions of these actions. they’re also raised to listen to the adults around them, so there is objectively no way that lolishota isn’t ALSO noncon when there is absolutely no way for the kid to understand what an adult wants and that it’s dangerous AND they’re told to fully trust adults. i really don’t think there’s any difference between lolishota in which the child SAYS they consent and lolishota in which the child outright refuses over and over

god. i really hope these people can get out of this way of thinking for their own good

hi it’s me again

i’m kinda just typing this up at 7 AM cuz i was just… looking out of my window and realized how claustrophobic this all makes me feel.

i guess it might just be better to be up front about this instead of telling people to go read some posts i’m linking, but the tl;dr of my situation is that i had been struggling with OCD for years since i was a child and never knew and particularly struggked with acting on intrusive impulses to draw horrible things, usually underage things, g0r3, or both. i felt as if this was the only thing i could do to get rid of the anxiety, because i genuinely thought this was how intrusive thoughts were meant to be until last year not long before i turned 19. i drew these things very minimally and immediately got rid of them and never showed a single soul, basically just enough to get my brain to shut up, and it would work for a little bit but that’s how it gets you. it gives you the relief from the thought, but soon it comes back much stronger and you do it again, rinse and repeat and this becomes a very ingrained pattern. i have quit doing this and im a year clean from it (adding on in an edit: please don’t start yapping about how OCD can‘t MAKE you do things. you’re right, it can’t. but i don’t think it’s crazy for me to mention it so prominently because i know for a fact none of the stress it caused and intrusive thoughts and impulses i had wouldn’t have happened if i didn’t have it. i did those things because of intrusive impulses OCD gave me and i genuinely didn’t know that there was even another, better way to handle it and that this wasn’t normal behaviour)

now that that’s out of the way, i want to live life and change but i feel like i can’t until i find the answer to if i even deserve to or not, because all i’ve been taught is that bad people are bad forever and despite the fact i don’t really believe in it anymore it’s hard to shake this feeling off of myself

so i end up wasting actual days trying to find an answer, whether im worse than a proshipper for something i never even enjoyed doing or promoted anywhere because frankly, i feel like this is the only moral framework i have to go off of? but i want to live and be happy and make a difference, but i dont want to live with such a thing constantly weighing on me

i guess an additional question for ex-proshippers, how do you guys manage to het back into the fandom you used to proship in without feeling ashamed? and how do you go about making friends without worrying about what they would think of you?

so i kinda wanna talk about a much more fundamental and biological aspect of this topic

let’s say, you have drawn gratuitous g0r3 of a child character. that’s the only detail this hypothetical has. okay, i’d still be concerned, especially if you post it. but if it’s not blatantly glorified or sexualized, i can’t really get much of who YOU are from it. you’re not promoting it, in fact i’d bargain that you’re probably drawing it because it disgusts you or gives you enjoyment FROM the bad feelings it gives you, or you’re drawing it because you want a reaction. and those bad feelings, the disgust and fear people feel upon seeing it, are because we, naturally, want to make sure the human race survives.

but when you sexualize it, you’re making this horrible thing look FUN and GOOD and DESIRABLE. you’re acting as if this is all fine. our bodies react to ANY sexual stimuli, whether we are actually into it or not, BECAUSE we want the human race to continue.

our brains can’t tell the difference between fantasy and real life on a subconscious level.

if i missed something, feel free to add on!!

i know there’s definitely some g0r3 fans here, but i thought this would be interesting to ask

of course when it comes to taboo sexual topics, the problem isn’t the depiction, but rather the glorification, and i’ve seen people say that, if violence and horror were treated the same way, they would still have a problem with it, so where do you guys think shock art lies? the pieces that don’t have anything to say, but are still so gruesome, especially if it’s a vulnerable demographic (quick edit but i mean like children, women, poc, even animals and so on) depicted?

i think it’s a weird gray area, because it’s harmful but at the same time, it’s not glorifying it. it’s actually specifically the fact that it IS horrible that it’s made, and i don’t believe just mere depiction is endorsement nor does it reflect you or at least not much about you, because people can do these things for a variety of reasons such as emotional s3lfh4rm or emotional catharsis. at the same time, i just don’t think it’s a good idea to just…. post it without the appropriate warnings. what do you guys think?

im a big sucker for opposites attract but right now i’m kind of a huuuuuuuge fan of a ship that used to be toxic but is actually getting better because the bad one is genuinely putting in the work to be better, even though they knew everybody else would hate them and i really respect it!! that, plus it’s not hard to tell that they were already softening up a little to the other one and the fact they never wanted that to show is what ruined everything for them

so, what are you guys’ fave kinds?

i genuinely hate it so much when proshippers (or anyone actuall) are like “well parents should be watching over their kids im not their babysitter” cuz like yeah. no kidding parents should be watching over their kids but they don’t and half the time it’s not even intentional. my parents didn’t watch over my internet use as a kid much and i had seen. So Many Horrible Things cuz mind you i was never even in the proship community either so much was just out in the open and do you wanna know another way so much of that could’ve been prevented? if proshippers weren’t so self-centered on their own comfort. i don’t really understand the logic that a parent not watching their own child means that child she be allowed to fall into a ditch of wolves because “not my kid, not my problem“ especially if you hate kids or something. none of that is a free pass for you to not be empathetic to the fact that a child is roaming into these spaces and materials without even knowing what they are. you are an adult, and whether you like it or not it takes a village to raise a child.

it’s not your fault this child is being neglected while on the internet, but i do think it is your responsibility to turn that child away from spaces like yours and teach them how to be safer online as a responsible adult

of course as soon as soon as it involves any real person, i'm pretty sure it's widely agreed upon that it's out of the realm of the entire discourse, but what about in a purely fictional sense? Is there any topic so bad it goes out of the realm of proship? what about if someone puts multiple in at once, like g0/r3 n0n c? or is proship basically a catch all term?

i realize this is probably a question that is... really dumb, but yknow. to my understanding, it's a catch all term that spans over any immoral topic being romanticized

bonus question, if you do think there's something out of the realm of proshipping do you think they can heal all the same, or should?

i think most of me is asking for my own sake i admit, but i also think this could be genuinely interesting

a bit of a tw// not sure what to tag but ig mental health and pr0sh/p topics

i’ve been posting in here as of late because of the guilt i feel about the things i’ve drawn, from taboo s/xu4l things to g0r\3, sometimes both, all because of OCD. will be linking my previous posts here for the sake of more detail. [1] [2]

i am still very much an antishipper for the record but i think the more extreme side has REALLY impacted my mental health for. YEARS now. the idea that people are always inherently bad and deserve to d/3 for their past, that they aren’t even human, and i don’t really think those are good things to preach for any reason, both for our benefit and not. i think treating people as completely inherently evil is harmful because then we struggle to believe that ANY human has a capability to fall down horrible holes, and so we never really try to prevent that. and now i bet so many of us are stuck with ourselves hating ourselves and never being able to let it go because that’s what we’ve been taught when all we want is to be better. it feels like i’ll never really have that opportunity i’ve always genuinely wanted to be

i think another thing coming to my mind is that here, i do see people believe in redemption, i think it’s most of us. but i struggle to believe that i’m not the exception, that the exact things ive drawn aren’t something that inherently crosses the line forever and it’s over, compared to someone who mightve just drawn one or the other, for frankly WHATEVER reason that according to my own brain wasnt just OCD

sorry this was kind of a ramble but i hope this makes sense

sorry about the weird spellings, reddit filters got me again

tw for l/lish/ta, z//ph/lia, n/cr/ph/lia, n/nc/n, er/g/ro

there are a lot of different ways someone can be a darkshipper. maybe it’s l/lish/ta, z//ph/lia. n/cr/oph/lia, n/nc/n, etc. sometimes it might be mixing with something like er/g/ro as an example

my question is, does everybody who realizes how messed up it is deserve a chance to heal and be better, even if it might have been TOO depraved? why or why not?

adding onto this question, do you think any of these are worse than the other, and does that even have any bearing on your opinion here? this is something im adding based on my own experience, ive drawn a fusion of these things in one image unwillingly before, i’ll link the post i made here about that, and it’s really hard to move on for me even though i really want to :[

https://www.reddit.com/r/antiship/comments/1vacedf/recovery_minors_dni_also_big_tw/

this is the post! it doesn’t go into what i exactly mentioned above (the same event), but it might give some context to what i was dealing with! just be careful still

edit: this is a repost, i think reddit flagged the link