u/TestierPizza

My friend and I (19F) knew each other since middle school. I was kinda unsure about her at first because she was very impulsively rebellious. When COVID pandemic hit, I was having A and B days at 8th grade. A days are normal school days, and B days are pretty much an all-day study hall in one room. I started to warm up to her after she complimented how smart I am. We became friends later on. During our first high school years, we became best friends. During junior year, she wanted to start dating me, so I said yes. What became a cute relationship turned into obsession during senior year. I’m talking Gaston wanting Belle obsession. Almost every morning before school, she would hug me and kiss me on the neck. I was worried because she was doing it in front all of our classmates and teachers. I knew about the Public Display Affection rule our school had, so I had to tell her that she could get in trouble. Her response was “Fuck PDA!” and kept it up almost every day. At the time, I thought maybe I was being overprotective of her and let her keep hugging and kissing me every morning. The last thing I wanted was for her to get in trouble. I don’t remember when this was, but one time she “secretly proposed” to me in the hallways by giving me an actual wedding ring from her family. I had to give it back to her because my dad was rightfully apprehensive when he saw me wearing it. She kept insisting I keep it anyways until she gave up and let me hand the ring back. When the end of senior year was getting closer, she would invite me over to her house for what used to be for hanging out. After we started dating, she brought up how we should do intimacy in her bedroom. I was skeptical because I didn’t know if we could get in trouble with her parents, because I don’t know them completely. She insisted that it’ll be fine, since all they do is vape and play Final Fantasy online on their computers. I decided to give up and try having intimacy with her. Every time I left her house, I feel weird and disgusting. Over time, I decided to roll with it and convince myself that I want it too. We broke up after we both graduated because our relationship was long distanced. Months later, I ran into her again and that’s where she decided to ask me if we could start again. I should’ve known better, because I said yes. A day later, we met up at our local ice cream shop. She asked me if I could come over to her college dorm, and I said no because I had other things to deal with. She then responded, “You’re an adult now. You can come over whenever now.” or something like that. I realized in that moment that she really hasn’t changed, so I blocked her on messages and social media and deleted all of my pictures that had her in them. It honestly felt like weight I never knew was there lifted right off my shoulders. Now, I struggle to keep some of my old relationships and form new ones. I’ve had arguments with my family I never should have, and I felt more guilty and suicidal than I was before. I feel scared about having another partner m. Those are only some of the things I can think of. I’m doing better now. I do feel kind of stupid for not noticing earlier.