u/Thawte-

Right now' we're in the middle of a split. They're going through it and I'm just trying my best to hear what they're saying past the words they're using.

Worst thing is, I have the worst issues not just listening, but absorbing the words.
I will hear it, digest it, think about it, go to respond, and then forget what I was responding to.

Asking someone with BPD who is splitting to repeat themselves is not the gentle, easy concept you might think it is. Especially when you have to ask them to repeat themselves... a lot.

I need advice on both sides of this.
Helping out my pwBPD to make sure they're heard properly and feel like they're being listened to and understood.
And helping myself out to make sure that I not only hear them but I make sure to ask them questions and continue to learn more about what is going on in their heads.

All advice helpful. Please don't blame either person in this situation for their disabilities.

Hey there, other Conway people and others looking at this subreddit.

I'm planning to make a big move from the states; and that means getting rid of.... almost literally everything.

So I'm hoping for some ideas on places I could sell my whole life's worth of items or people that do a lot of wholesale buying.

If anyone is curious, I've got some furniture, a washer, a dryer, and a number of electronics and toys and clothes.
As of right now I'm working on posting on Facebook Marketplace, Depop, and Offer Up.

Ideas are loved,
Offers are loved even more.

I (32AMAB) have a partner (24AFAB) that has gone through some of the worst trauma I've ever heard of during their childhood, resulting in their non-diagnosed BPD. >!Yes, there's a fairly big age gap, that's not what we're here for.!<They've been stellar, the best relationship I've ever had when every other relationship felt like a stale cracker. The passion, intensity; yeah it was all there, and I couldn't help basking in it. Maybe I was the worst type of person to fall for them, because I was starving for something that felt real.
We've been together for roughly six years now; and within the last two they've really changed drastically.

Communication was always an issue, but now, its a multi-year long issue. We have gotten a therapist, and subsequently, left said therapist. Just recently I was diagnosed with ADHD, explaining a lot of my relationship anxiety when it comes to the only person in my life that I've ever thought about marrying and having children with. I have to do this right. I need to do this right.

However, we've hit another painful moment:
They hate the state >!and country!< we're in, they hate their job, and the lack of job applications or grad school applications biting is only making them feel worse and worse. Stagnant. Which I can understand, because I hate living in this horrid southern state and before I turned 19 I told myself if I didn't get out of the state... Fill in the blanks. I was a very depressed teen.

Sometime during the conversation, they felt like I was gaslighting them; toxic positivity. But leaning in to their upset only drives them to feel it worse, harder, stronger. They've always told me they needed a calm, zen personality around them; but when I try to give that, they feel its toxic.

That argument started yesterday. And has now compounded a few times over.

• A private moment that we had before this fight is now being labeled as rape.
• I've been misgendered multiple times by them >!(also non-binary)!<, and they are the only one that I've come out to about feeling non-binary.
• I have been told I am essentially the scum of the earth in many creative and painful ways. >!I've never been yelled at like this before by anyone in my life. Ever.!<
• I reacted horridly to being overwhelmed and caused them to have a panic attack.
• They have just adamantly stated they will not be eating anymore. Potentially will if I am not in the house.
• They have now started to threaten their wellbeing over and over again just to... disturb and hurt me? At first it was to release the pain they had, then it was to cause a spectacle and publicly humiliate me, then suddenly they convinced themselves I would want them gone, so now they've decided to stay just to spite me for something I never wanted.

I have done the stupid thing of trusting them when they said they wanted to be the breadwinner and take care of me. I convinced myself that it was okay to let them take over because I had tirelessly been the breadwinner. Bills I can't pay because they made it into secondary education with stellar grades and got a job that matched their double major; outearning me by a mile.

Now I'm hiding all the sharp objects in the house and hoping that they will eat even a little bit.

I thought I could do this. I can't. And they're the one breaking up with me so I don't even get a choice in the matter.

I'm crushed. I wanted a life with them.
Kids. A legacy somewhere outside of america where we as black people could feel more comfortable.

And now.
Now I'm just here.
My whole life feels fucked and I don't know what to do.

>!I'm sorry, I just... needed someplace to put this. I don't really have anyone in my life. Its really just me and them. !<

If I can somehow, somehow get us past this... I'll make sure we start working on DBT. We have to.
I need us to.