u/TheCaffeinatedRunner

Hes on paper a wonderful husband. He helps out around the house, helps with the kids, goes to the store.

But my goodness sometimes its hard to feel loved and valued by him but maybe thats just 10 years of marrige and 4 kids later.

I just feel like he doesnt love me for me. He puts me down a lot in terms of my likes (music, shows, books, food). I work in pediatrics and am ALWAYS learning about new songs and when i play them for the kids he always says their dumb and our kids dont like them. I mean I know thats trivial but still.

Going to the gym and running is important to me and ive told him its how I decompress and stay sane and keep myself healthy, he makes off handed comments about how he doesnt go bc his family is more important. And if i want to see friends or do something as a family with friends or my family its the same, "lets just spend time together bc I never get to see you". Which isn't true, we are together all the time. A lot of days were both off work at 2 and then at 830 when kids are in bed he wants me to pick an activity for us to do.. and then get annoyed if i say i dont know what i want to do bc im so freaking exhaused from work/kids/life.

Plus my job is emotionally heavy some times too and its hard to decompress from that.

He'll get a bit passive agressive too, like if I do something he doesnt like instead of talking to me about it, he ignores me for the night and then at 930pm when im ready for sleep he goes on an hour long rant of everything myself and our oldest has done wrong the past month. And our oldest is a GREAT kid and my husband is constantly on them about everything they do wrong to the point my oldest says I should leave him bc he doesnt treat me well.

Ive tried doing couples prayer books and it turns into him lecturing me on how to be a better wife and mom so I quit.

When we got togther he also told me he was one person, but I found out later as we got into our marrige that he lied about his college, he told me he was going to be a professional tennis player but needed foot surgery (neither ever happened), his faith life, where he lived ect, his age.. like nothing drastic but just enough to be like WTF. Also when our 2nd child was 2 he was having an "emotional affair" with a 19yo and THAT has made it really hard to trust him with deep stuff going forward in our marrige. I actually filed for divorce after reading their conversations plus hed been treating me very poorly at that point. But I decided against divorce bc I didnt want the kids to have to go back and forth like I did. So I stuck with it, we had 2 more kids. I did forgive him but I didnt forget about it.

Im just like why did you lie about who you were and marry me, then just not even to appreciate me for me ? Lile why didnt he just be truthful and let me decide for myself.

Anyways is this normal for marrige? Im debating counseling. I grew up in a home where I was verbally and emotionally abused and then sexually assaulted by a family member and my family protected him bc of his baseball "career" instead of helping me, my mom just said to lock my door and thats what boys do.

I feel so alone and like I have no one i can fully trust some days.

Im catholic. Im here bc redit can be toxic.

Anyways I was abused by my brother when I was little and hed come into my room at night. I feel dumb for not being over it. My mom knew and she got upset when I told her.

Now I have panic attacks when my kids around new men or in a situation with men like church where they are close. Like literally raging angry panic attacks.

I cant get past this. It sucks. My husband doesnt know. If I tell him, then he'd know about my mom and not want us to see her or her to see the kids and it would destroy my mom. She lost all of her immediate family last year, the my dad would find out and be incredibly upset that she knew and didnt help.

I just wish it never happened but I CANNOT get past this. I tried therapy once and she wasnt helpful. I dont want to have to repeat the story again either bc its traumatizing.

Am i alone in this? Its even effecting my faith life.

So I have bad health anxiety. Its gotten better though. I had some scares and biopsies after my last baby, so naturally I obsessed about my skin and health for years, while still seeing my dermatologist yearly.

Anyways im due to see her next week again since its been a year. The i go on a trip for 10 days. I dont want to need a biopsy then the stress ruin my trip. Should I just reschedule the appointment for when im back? Im stressed that I have some melanoma hiding and am missing it. 😔

Ovenight my teen boy has become moody as hell. Everything is a big drawn out emotional issue and he goes on about how we (parents) dont treat him like an adult (hes not), how we dont trust him (we do and verbalize at nauseam) how we dont let him do what he wants (which is lay in bed in a dark room and text)

Omg I mean we arent perfect parents but what the heck is this normal?

Im putting him back in sports and music bc hes dropped all his extracurriculars because of Homework, but his grades are fine.

Hes gotten very in his head about how we arent good parents and wants to rant to me about it constantly. Its taking away from the rest of the family too bc its like an hour every other day and he doesnt want the siblings involved and goes on about how we dont let him drink our expensive poppy drinks (we keep explaining that we commute over an houir for work and drink them to.stay awake amd im also drinking them to replace alcohol and he CAN have one if he asks). We expect him to wake up by himself for school with an alarm, we dont let him have a GF (we do, he has never asked), we dont let him go to the mall (again, never alsed)

Its like hes putting scenarios of how awful we are in his head that don't exist then want to talk about it.

Is ot normal for them to be this mood?

And yes i know therapy but im trying sports and music first