u/TheDaughterOfFlynn

Hi, I’m a newbie struggling with my rolls. I can do forward rolls from static, but when I do them from lunging or standing their quality varies a lot. I haven’t hit my head so far, but I sometimes notice a pressure on the back of my head for a few minutes afterwards, so I think I’m not forming the proper shape to avoid my head touching the ground?

Back rolls are way harder. Practicing from sitting or kneeling and falling back I can do it on my right side relatively consistently, but I cannot do it on my left side at all, I always flop to my side once it hits my shoulder. Any advice or resources to learn from are appreciated!

24F, I’ve never had completely clear skin, but I wouldn’t say I’ve ever had severe issues. My skin was at its worst about 1.5 years ago and I’m pretty sure it was due to stress and travel, but it’s mostly cleared up now. However ever since then I occasionally get zits on my neck, higher up on the sides or in the middle of my throat. It’s not serious or painful, it’s just weird because I didn’t used to get that. I’ve noticed it pops up when I travel or when I’m really stressed out, but because I didn’t used to get this I wonder if there’s a hormonal change? I’m not on birth control or anything so it’d just be mid-20s hormonal shifts I guess? Anyway it’s not a serious problem, but if anyone else has dealt with this I would love some advice because it’s annoying!!

King of a vent incoming, but I’m ultimately looking for advice on not letting my mothers episodes get to me while I still have to live with her. I’m living with my parents at the moment, my Dad and I are pretty sure my Mom has BPD. She can’t control herself when she’s angry, at least not around us.

It was a lot worse when I was a kid, especially a teenager. When she didn’t get her way she’d threaten to kill herself to teach me a lesson then drive away for hours or overnight so I’d think she’d done it. She’d call me horrible names, one time I messed up and told her she was the main reason I was suicidal as a teenager and she said “well why didn’t you do it? Why don’t you just go ahead and do it already?!” She’d throw things at me. She forbade me from talking to my extended family and I wasn’t allowed to talk to my own sister for a decade. She trauma dumped on me about her abusive first marriage when I was 14, with all the gory details of physical and sexual abuse, and expected me to be her therapist. I never called it abuse because when it was physical it wasn’t punching and kicking, which is what I thought abuse looked like back then, but if she had an episode when we were driving she’d drive dangerously and say that we were going to die and it was too late to change her mind. Whether she was actually trying to kill me or just scare me, she was driving so unsafely we easily could have died by accident. I was really depressed and would have ended things had we not moved back to my home country just in time, which gave me a “fresh start”. I also had undiagnosed OCD and probably also anxiety, and I had constant anxiety that I was going to turn out like her, so I shut down any angry feelings I had and basically became a doormat who jumped at every sound. I also started maladaptive daydreaming as a way to fill my unmet emotional needs and feel like I had the support I wasn’t getting IRL.

Things are a bit better now, but I’m still struggling to move forward. She still has episodes, but less suicide threats and homicide attempts, now it’s mostly just screaming, name calling, or threatening to divorce my dad. I’ve put in a lot of work to get better, especially this past year when I finally found out I had OCD. I’m not depressed anymore and I’m far from suicidal. I don’t have social anxiety anymore and I don’t jump at loud sounds. My OCD is almost entirely gone. I’m able to set boundaries and be assertive. Im making a lot of progress in getting over my fear of driving, I still can’t be on the big highways but I can do smaller ones and I drive the back roads into my city now. I’m trying so hard to get my shit together, I have a job that pays well and I joined a dojo that gets me out of the house daily, I just need to buy a new car and a house and I feel like I’ll finally have it together.

The problem is, as soon as my mom has another episode, everything falls apart. It wasn’t even that bad this time compared to how it used to be. She lost her shit because a TV show character had an opinion she disagreed with and she said the show was pushing an agenda. My dad and I tried to calm her down by getting her to see it from a different perspective and allowing the character to disagree with her, but she said we were “sick in the head” and threatened to divorce my dad before leaving overnight. My dad and I are so emotionally worn out by years and years of this, I spent all weekend trying to cheer him up and making sure he wasn’t alone because he was so obviously beaten down by it. But then I spent the next week waking up late and not wanting to get out of bed, hardly able to get any work done, ruminating, maladaptive daydreaming, using my phone to distract me, etc. I basically spent an entire week bed rotting. And it is so hard to not be furious with myself for it when I’m trying to get my life together.

It wasn’t even that bad this time! So why am I reacting like this?! I don’t know if it’s chronic stress or what but I don’t know how to not let it affect me while I’m still living with her. What do you guys do when this happens? I want to be able to just let her do her thing and not have it affect my life so badly.