I don't know if someone can help me but I'm 19, lost and Broken but Breathing
I know I might sound crazy, but I’m a 19-year-old and I feel completely lost. I don’t drink or smoke, although my parents claim I smoked W**€€d** back in 9th grade. My pocket money used to be around 500–750 per month. I don’t have a career, and I’ve spent the past year at home preparing for exams, but no matter what I do, my grades never improve. I feel hopeless. Physically, mentally, and financially, I’m not in a good place. I just feel like I want to restart my life. My parents don’t seem to care about me. They treat me as if I’m as old as them, and then suddenly, whenever I speak up, I become a “kid” again in their eyes. I managed to earn around 40–45k from different sources to pay for therapy and medication, but after eight months, the money ran out, and now I’m struggling to make more. I can’t ask my parents for help. Since childhood, they’ve mostly demanded that I do exactly as they say. They treated material things as rewards, but most of the time, even after achieving something, they denied me. I used to excel in school—top grades, winning gold medals in Olympiads, even when I was sick with jaundice. But now, I failed my 12th board exams and had to take compartment exams. I barely passed, and I feel like I’ve lost everything. On top of that, I have almost no social life. I feel broken and trapped, and I don’t know how to move forward.
my dairy version
see i know i might sound crazy but im a 19 yo kid and i dont know what to do i dont drink or smoke but have been told by my parents i smoked weed when i was in 9 grade my pocket money for a mouth was 500-750 and then no i dont have a career im at my home for the past year preparing for exams but what ever i do i dont get good grades i now am hopeless i am not in a good shape physically mentally or financially. i just dont know i just feel like restarting my parents don't give a fuck about me the talk to me as i'm as old as them until they speak when i say something i suddenly become a kid again i made around 40-45k from different sources so i could pay for a therapist and my meds now after 8 months the funds have ran out and i'm struggling to make more and just don't know what to do i cant ask my parents for help all they have asked my since my childhood is to just do as they say made me a slave to materialistic things which they would have given to me as a reward for something but they 9 out of 10 time have denied after i do the work/achievement i use to top my grade at least 5th even if i was sick with Jaundice in my grade. I use to win gold medallist for years in Olympiads now I got a compartment in my 12 boards failed miserably although i passed eventually in my comp exams have allmost 0 social life